Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Project Relationship

Project Relationship

A romantic relationship is like a project. I don't blame you if by this statement you think that I'm a cold, calculating and unemotional person. Relationships are a very important and beautiful aspect of human life. To say that a relationship is like a project, completely takes the romance out of it.

Relationships, to a certain extent, are indeed very different from projects. A project has a definite start and end. It runs on a predetermined schedule with all possible outcomes thoroughly analyzed. Relationships are never like that; they are fluid, unpredictable and full of surprises. Projects always have well-defined end-goals; relationships are full of hopeful promises mingled with uncertainties. A relationship by definition is something organic--something that grows and evolves.

Why then do I say a romantic relationship is like a project? Am I suggesting that when we enter a romantic relationship, we should enter all the tasks and milestones into Microsoft Office Project and start tracking its progress from there? Certainly not. It will be quite amusing if someone really does approach a relationship like that!

What I'm actually trying to say is that a relationship must be treated as seriously as a project. It is not something we take on casually just for amusement or simply out of convenience. A relationship, like a project, must be embarked upon when we are absolutely sure that we have the commitment, strength and resources to see it through.

We never enter a project half-heartedly. We make an assessment, and we make a decision: go or no go. If we are to proceed, then we commit resources to it; we put our hearts and minds to it. If we are not willing to do that, we should not even pretend to be interested and end up giving false hopes to the other party. No KIV (keep in view) first. You're either in or out. There's no in-between.

Unfortunately many relationships are driven by weaknesses and insecurities--not strengths: We are lonely, we feel empty and we need someone to share our feelings with. Or we think that age is catching up with us. We lunge into the first available pair of arms. Instant relief from loneliness--"falling in love", we call it. And then the rest of the relationship is just a process of figuring out how to climb out from the hole that we have fallen into.

Projects require a lot of hardwork to ensure success. So do relationships. To approach a relationship like a project doesn't mean we forget how have fun. Successful projects are often driven by passionate people who are very in love with what they do. In a sense, successful projects are also "romantic" affairs.

A relationship requires both the head and the heart to be successful--exactly like how I see a project. Is it wrong then for me to see a relationship as a "project"?

No comments: