The First Principle of Communication

To relax with words--that's what I intend to do with this blog post. Writing can be relaxing, if there's no dateline pressure or any attempt to project a certain style or image.

Earlier today I was reflecting on how often we mis-communicate, especially in a work environment. When we are conveying our thoughts, we do so with a lot of assumptions and preconceptions.

What is obvious to you, might not be so to the other party. A good communicator, probes and listens and then dispenses his advice or opinion at the right moment, using the point-of-view of the listener.

The skillful communicator uses words that are familiar with the listener. There are a lot of cliches in the corporate world; many words and phrases from the IT world have been repurposed for everyday use. For instance, people don't say, they don't have time for something anymore. They'll say, "I don't have enough bandwidth to...". When did we all suddenly morph into stringy data cables? 

Another one that I hear frequently nowadays is "I'll ping you", which always want to make me reply: "OK, here's my IP address".  And whenever you want to avoid answering everything yourself, you can resort to "looping in so-and-so". 

Then there are those who say, "Let's jump on a call", making a dull conference call which you would rather avoid sound like a raucous trampoline session.

"Let's cut to the chase", is supposed to immediately ramp the tempo of a meeting up a notch when everyone is nodding off. You can immediately imagine the audience straightening up in their seats and reaching for their popcorn.

Are these cliches good? Only to a certain extent. They enable us to recognize certain stock situations but they certainly do not engender creativity.  "Out-of-the-box" (another corporate cliche) they are not.

We inevitably behave like automatons, cliche-in, cliche-out. That's a corporate executive for you. They are effective as long as things remain routine. But the moment an out-of-the-ordinary situation arises, communication often breaks down.

True listening is the beginning of good communication. Sometimes a clear yes or no, in answer to a person's question is more effective than any desire to explain and get your opinion across. "Yes/no, because....".  

Avoidance, indirection and allusions are all hindrances towards good communication. State facts plainly, go slowly. Let the questioner be heard until he or she is convinced that the question has been completely understood. Restate the question in your own words. Then only do you proceed to speak.  

That principle is encapsulated in my favourite habit from Stephen Covey's classic 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Seek first to understand. Then to be understood. It's amazing how often we forget that.