Saturday, March 16, 2024

Bibliophilic Bouts

I was at the barber just now and I had to wait a short while for my turn. As always, waiting is never an issue as it means that I am pleasantly rewarded with some reading time. 

How often do we complain that we do not have the time to indulge in our hobbies. Well, if reading happens to be your hobby of choice, then you're in luck. You can squeeze it into the interstices of your life--all those tiny amount of time in between major events or tasks which make up your day.

Reading to me is like eating. Every sentence is a morsel of food, which you savour with your mind. And you'd relish it exactly like a tantalising piece of delicacy dropped into your salivating mouth. Only that the nourishment from the former is, I would argue, exceed anything that is consumed orally.

I not only read everywhere, I've also acquired the habit of annotating the pages of my book with a pencil. I'm not doing it because I have to mark up facts for some research project that I'm doing, but reading and annotating is my way of fully concentrating and enjoying every word and sentence that the author has carefully and painstakingly assembled for my edification. 

It's a peculiar sight these days to find anyone reading in public, especially with a 2B pencil in hand, dissecting blocks of text on a piece of printed page. And to extend the food analogy further: my pencil is like an eating utensil--not unlike a pair of chopsticks--picking out and shoving bite-sized chunks of savoury delights into my mind.

An annotated page immediately becomes mine: it is the conquered terrain, which I the reader-traveller had ploughed through, with some effort. Experiences movingly carved with the scalpel of my pencil.  The marginalia becomes the journal of my reading life. Thoughts, events and silent chuckles captured in black scrawls, marking the width and breadth of my bibliophilic realm, 

I read for the sheer pleasure of consuming text; the nourishments of its contents is an additional bonus which my mind is rewarded with. And over time, I realised that my sensitivity to words and their multi-various meanings becomes greatly enhanced.  My mental tastebuds have acquired aptitudes in ever-expanding dimensions, opening vistas of delights hitherto unknown.

Ah, I'm waxing lyrical again about the ecstatic joys of reading, especially the form that involves the dead-tree variety--this gluttony of books, which I succumb, unashamedly to, this hill of hedonism which I willingly die on. I do not claim any intellectual or moral superiority--it is simply an indulgence pure and simple.

So do not attempt to save me from this addiction which had and is consuming my life. This junkie seeks no pity nor sympathy. I read, therefore I am. And occasionally I write too, in blog articles like these here. But these are just the sober interludes between my blissful bouts of bibliophilia.

Saturday, March 09, 2024

Grumblings and Gratitude

Today I've decided not to write anything ponderous and pseudo-philosophical, which is my usual staple of weekly ramblings. There are a lot of fun subjects that people in social media write about. Why can't I be like them sometimes? Rave about the best nasi lemak in town; comment on the latest 3R (race, royalty and religion) meme or just bitch about things in general?

What are the everyday things that annoy me? Let me think. I've trained myself to look at the positive side of things that I've gotten into the habit of ignoring anything that annoys me.  But I do get annoyed sometimes. For example, whenever I'm driving and someone honks loudly and unnecessarily. It perturbs me but I tend to let it go immediately.  

I rarely use the horn and if I do, I often apply my well-practiced staccato toot. To me the car horn is one feature that no manufacturer has gotten right. Why can't we have a polite horn--a doorbell-like sound that says 'excuse me', instead of that loud blare that screams "fuck off" or "stupid asshole"?  What we need is the horn equivalent of a small and big flush, like what you see on some eco-friendly toilets. Raising your voice (or horn) should never be your default mode, well, unless you are driving in India. Then it's a different story, for there driving is a social experience. Honking is a way to announce and acknowledge the presence of others on the road.

Youtube ads used to annoy me too but I paid my way out of it by subscribing to its premium version. It's one subscription which I think is worth it because it saves one a lot of time, and spares the mind of a lot of irritating brags by self-styled gurus peddling their get-rich-quick secrets.

Some banking apps annoy me because they don't make things easy for you. Logging in is always a challenge and when you do succeed, they clutter your screen with pop-up ads and security warnings. And these days, the trend is to display accounts in a fancy carousel, which requires you to scroll horizontally. The combination of horizontal and vertical scrolling, though cool, is annoying, at least to me. 

But having been a developer myself, I know how these UI decisions are arrived upon. Most product owners prioritise form over function. Product features are decided by a committee of people. They are just interested to check all the boxes which the management had decided. Developers code features blindly and unquestioningly. And when you have been viewing and testing your UI for months, you fail to see how it would look to someone using it for the first time. What does the user see first?  A few things need to stand out from the clutter. These have to be the few things that the user is interested in. Do your selling later. Let the user get on with the main functions of the app. 

In the brick-and-mortar world, there are service establishments that fall to the same trap of not prioritising the customer. There are some restaurants that annoyed me by serving hot tea in a paper cup, when the main course is served in nice plates and stainless steel cutlery. I can understand if you are a fast-food restaurant, but if you are charging me premium prices in a cosy dine-in place, I think it is an affront to serve hot drinks, and tea especially, in a paper cup.

At the end of the day, whenever we reflect upon all these little annoyances, we should also remind ourselves to be grateful for being able to enjoy all these little luxuries and conveniences of life. At least we are able to afford them and be able to drive, surf, bank and eat in relative comfort.  Find something to be grateful about every time you grumble. You will find that Gratitude is the great dissolver of annoyances. 

Saturday, March 02, 2024

The Harmonics of Thoughts

When I write longhand with a fountain pen in my journal, I get to examine every thought with precision. Writing, like meditation, allows you to recalibrate your mind. The mind is an instrument that needs to be handled with care. It is a powerful tool which, if used correctly can affect changes in the world.

The mind filters our perception of the world.  It is like a language model that interprets what's out there and attempt to see order out of the jumble of chaos.  Our perception is coloured by experience and ego.  Meditation, and journalling helps you to identify the tendencies of the mind and its many biases.
The mind abhors uncertainty. It wants to be decisive and is thus prone to making snap judgements on people and situations. Once an opinion has 'snapped' into place, it is difficult to dislodge it. Prejudices are examples of such snap judgements, which have been elevated to the level of 'facts', in the person's mind. We do not question them anymore. They are as real as the object sitting right in front of us.
It is important to be vigilante of this tendency of the mind. Remember, the mind likes the world to be binary. Yes or no; white or black. Nuances are expensive to keep track of. They consume compute time and memory. The mind wants to decide fast, so that it can get on with the next thing.
By slowing down a thought, you perceive all the properties that make up its composition.  You observe that a thought is the superposition of many sub-thoughts. Break them down; do the equivalent of a Fourier Transform of your thought signal. You will then identify the fundamental thought frequencies that are constantly reverberating in your mind.
Your fears and prejudices manifest as distinctive frequency bands in every thought. Once you see them, you can then apply the necessary filters to eliminate them.  At the same time, you'll also be able to pick out the good tendencies that you want to accentuate. Filter out the bad, amplify the good.
Every thought is rich in harmonic frequencies. Through meditation, you catch a glimpse of these underlying harmonics and be able to trace their subtle origins. Writing in longhand with a good fountain pen enables us to expose these harmonics in a tactile and visual manner.  
And how do you shape the spectrum of your thought signals? Through writing too. Put forth a proposition. Materialise it in the form of a sentence. Shape every letter and word slowly and watch them manifest on the page.  That's the best way to control what thought comes into your mind: you simply inject the thought through the physical act of writing. By physicalising a thought, you accentuate it. The pen is both the transducer and the actuator.
So be sensitive to the harmonics of your thoughts. It is through their control and mastery that put you in harmony with the universe.

Saturday, February 24, 2024

The Perfect Mouthful of a Moment

I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to write about today but let me riff a little first. I write to relax, and certainly not to stress myself unnecessarily to meet the demands of a certain readership. It's a bit like journalling (which I also do, the old-fashioned way with a notebook and fountain pen), but not exactly because blogging, being public, is a little bit more formal.

A blog article is an exploration, a study, a sketch. It's not exactly fit for print publication because it's raw and at times meandering, not having the benefit of good copy-editing. But hopefully it is comprehensible to anyone to happens to chance upon it.  And for me, it helps me to clarify my thoughts about certain subjects that occupy my mind.

Blogging, like reading, is an activity which I like to perform at a cafe, where I could observe people and the world. Sometimes I amuse myself with morbid thoughts like how in another hundred years, everyone that I see around me would have been dead, (including yours truly, of course). Every care and concern that they have now would be total forgotten. 

The aromatic and relaxing Earl Grey that I'm sipping now, the joy that I feel typing these words, the laughter of kids playing around the mock plum blossom tree, the father in shorts pushing the shopping trolley filled with food provisions for the family, the pair of lovers holding hands and playfully teasing each other--that procession of peace, joy and well-being paraded here--gone! Everyone dissolving into bones and ashes, blown by the winds of time.

It is morbid, yet beautiful and sobering. So how shall we live life? Do we try our best to create an enduring mark in this world? What legacy do we want to leave behind? Grateful descendants who would continue the good name of the family and remember you fondly? And perhaps you'll be in heaven then, looking down and seeing everything with great satisfaction?

If that defines you, go on and pursue it with all the zeal, energy and passion that life has blessed you with. Live every moment to the fullest. To the caterpillar, heaven is an infinite expanse of green delicious leaves, where one could crawl and gnaw in content without fear of being eaten by birds. When they become butterflies dancing from flower to flower in the garden of paradise, will they remember their humble beginnings as slimy, crawling tubes of bird-feed?

Since we can't conceptualise what it is like after death, or if there's even a 'life' as we know it, then let's all be good caterpillars, gnawing gratefully on the leafy meal before us, creeping happily in our 2D world, oblivious to the predatory birds that swoop down on us from above. 

Misfortune, sickness and calamity could befall any one of us. The whole purpose of celebrating the Lunar New Year is to look forward to another year ahead that's hopefully free from such ill-luck. We can only have the moment we have now and every one of them has to be lived with positive optimism. The fact that you are aware and conscious of doing so, means that you are living life to the fullest. Is there any other way to live?

The challenge is that we are not aware of our every moment of existence. And that's when life becomes miserable. Here, look at this moment. Gone. And this moment. Gone. Are you alright? Are you at peace? If you are, clamp your mandibles on that morsel of moss and gnaw on.  

Never lose sight of moment at hand, for misery can only creep in whenever you take your eye off the ball. Hey, this moment is as good as any other. Live it first. Living it fully and wisely will bring forth better quality moments next. But there's no need to think too far ahead. Imagine that this moment is all there is. The next one is a bonus. Infuse this moment with every hope, fervour and passion that you could muster. You will find that they are the sauce and condiments that make this moment that perfect mouthful. 

Thursday, February 15, 2024

The Source of Strength

I'm taking a break from work when most Chinese would be starting theirs after the long Chinese New Year break. Apparently today, the sixth day of the New Year is an auspicious day to open your business again for the Year of the Dragon. I'm looking forward to the long weekend and hopefully I'll still get to enjoy a less crowded city, at least for a day or two before the rest of the horde returns to the city, spent and satiated, after the week-long orgy of gambling and gluttony.

Gambling is a pleasure which I am fortunately, immune to. I understand that it can be very addictive. Some people can't resist food or liquor. I love both, but I'm not addicted to them. It is very liberating when one is not addicted to anything. But wouldn't life be very dull, without any kind of harmless 'vice'?

I do have my addictions too but I choose them very carefully. I'm addicted to books. What's the worse the could happen to someone who is an incurable bibliophile? I probably spend too much money on books and constantly complain that there's a lack of shelves to store them properly; curse whenever someone borrows or does not return, or worst still loses them; lament that there's a lack of time to read them all; suffer the sight of these beautiful tomes disintegrating under the ravages of time.  Well, it is suffering indeed, but it is suffering that I chose consciously as a kind of penance. 

Everything good in life comes with a price. I've mentioned before that the price of pleasure is pain. As Jerry Seinfield puts it insightfully in his interview with Howard Stone when describing how much of a torture it is to be constantly having to find materials for his jokes: one must find the torture that one is comfortable with, and that is your blessing in life. Work is a torture for some people but we get paid for enduring it. So learn to be comfortable with it. And if you have the right attitude, all that suffering makes you stronger and better.

When it comes to work, what we call experience is simply skills and reflexes honed by pain. Exercise is painful. But repeated practice makes you fitter. And you'll soon find yourself increasing the difficulty levels so that you may enjoy the satisfaction of conquering them. Ramp up the pain to amp up the pleasure. 

One must however know when this pain that we take on willingly becomes chronic stress. Nietzsche famously wrote "that which does not kill us makes us stronger".  That is only true when one fully recovers from whatever harm that is inflicted on our mind and body. Remember, one could also die from a thousand cuts. 

So one must be very wise in the frequency and amount of pain that one takes on. They have to be carefully chosen to bring the best returns. The body and mind must have time to heal and recuperate. When you give the body time to learn and deal with the pain, then only will it become stronger.  

Let us look forward to the Year of the Dragon and see every obstacle as an opportunity to become stronger. Let's take whatever pain that comes our way positively and enjoy the pleasures bestowed on us in moderation.  Let's all rise like dragons to its challenges and grow from strength to strength!

Saturday, February 10, 2024

Unleashing the Dormant Dragon

The Chinese celebrate their new year today and it's the year of the dragon, a mythical creature that is much admired by them as a symbol of strength and greatness. The archetype of the dragon lodges deeply in the psyche of someone brought up within the Chinese culture. It defines his or her attitude towards life.

I've mentioned elsewhere before that the Chinese are masters of positive thinking. Darkness, gloom and melancholy are not 'romantic' to the Chinese mind. No, the offsprings of the Yellow Emperor do not like to wallow in defeat or self-pity; they are instead pragmatic, positive and progressive.  If Dostoevsky claims that the Russian soul is a dark place, then the Chinese soul would be its complete opposite.

The Chinese celebrates growth and expansion.  One has to be materially successful first before one can benevolent and charitable. Magnanimity is a natural by-product of worldly success.  A street-wise smartness is a virtue and pre-requisite to a bright future. The young must be hardworking, be respectful of elders and sifus, and be willing to take the necessary hard-knocks in life to move ahead.

The stereotype of the rag-to-riches Chinese business tycoon, exemplifies this ideal and is the pinnacle of what the Chinese considers a noble person in society. Success is always social and should be celebrated loudly and boisterously. 

Chinese New Year season is that time of the year when one is ambushed everywhere by the pounding drums of the lion dance or the loud crackles of firecrackers. 'Wake up from your gloom!', 'Join the march towards success!' 'Conquer the material world!'. It is in-your-face and unabashed. It is the secret of the community's success, wherever they choose to settle down in the world.

The dragon is the apt symbol of all this positive energy.  A dragon child embodies this potential for growth and expansion.  Nothing stops a dragon when it is set on something. Once someone has internalised the dragon soul, it is almost inevitable that something fruitful and positive will result. 

Unlike the fear evoked by the reptilian dragons of our evolutionary past mentioned in Carl Sagan's book, The Dragons of Eden, the Chinese dragon is the kundalini that lies sleeping in every soul. You just need to stir it, and off it goes to chase after its fireball of success.

There's a dormant dragon in each and every one of us. Like Daenerys Targaryen in Game of Thrones, If you know how to tame, control and ride your dragon, it is your greatest ally. But remember, one must always be its master not the slave. The role could so easily be reversed, if one is not vigilant. 

Friday, February 02, 2024

Monuments of Happiness

Today is an opportunity to catch my breath, after a hectic work-week. Last Saturday, I drove back to my hometown and stayed for a night. This weekend is a longer one for me because I'm on leave today. I spent the morning and early afternoon going to the supermarket and running other errands.

Here I am finally, in my abode of books in Cyberjaya, allowing my mind to rest, so that mundane thoughts fade away and deeper insights may surface. I 'recalibrate' my mind every day in my daily meditation. At the very least, doing a sanity check on all the thoughts in my mind is very helpful. I get to re-orientate myself in the right direction and ensure that I do not veer off into interminably unproductive mental side-roads.

As I write this, the sky is getting dark outside and I can hear the distant rumbling of thunder. There'll be an outburst of rain later, like most evenings during this time of the year. But the monsoon is coming to its tail-end and soon we'll be facing hot and dry weather. Another year gets on its way.

Before that, we'll be welcoming the Chinese Lunar New Year, which is a bit of a distraction at the beginning of the year, but nevertheless worth celebrating. That's how we humans live our lives--we celebrate the passing of the seasons and commemorate important events in our community.  So much of our happiness and sorrow comes from living in a society of people.

No two persons think alike. You could find friends who share many of your beliefs and norms, but if you've lived together in close quarters with anyone before, you would know that you'll have make a lot of adjustments to avoid unhappiness or conflict.

We have certain core characteristics that we stubbornly maintain throughout our lives and at the same time we also change in many aspects as we grow older. Pain and pleasure are the sculptors that mould us into who we are now.  

Our experiences in life is like the torrential rain that I see outside now, lashing onto the roof and walls of my apartment, testing their rigidity and sturdiness, probing for crevices to seep into, threatening to flood all the precious belongings that I have. 

We have to suffer a lot of pain to protect the things we love. That lesson has to be learned again and again. The unrelenting rain is constantly probing for weaknesses on my roof and if I am not vigilant, I will have to deal with roof leakages into my apartment again. To live is to delay the inevitable increase of entropy within the sphere of concern.

The body breaks down as we age. While we are healthy, we expend our energies building as perfect a life as we possibly could: a career, a family and a beautiful home. But all these are temporary manifestations that would ultimately dissolve as we grow older and die. We'll have to let them go, sooner or later. The Second Law of Thermodynamics that dictate the increase in entropy and hence the breakdown of all things would ultimately triumph.

Nevertheless, we should not be deterred. The moment we surrender, we cease to live. To live is to suffer these pains, consciously and stoically. We also enjoy the pleasures that come from having a world moulded to our vision, at least within our circle of concern, no matter how fleeting they are. 

We take what life throws at us bravely for that is the whole point of living. Every happiness in life is a monument to the pain that had to be endured to achieve it. Let's look back on all our monuments of happiness and know that they have to sit on a foundation of suffering.