Subsuming the Self

It's the end of another work week and today is a good day to blog since it's a rather quiet Friday. I've been maintaining my discipline of rising early and ending my workday early, with the hope that at some point I'll be able to incorporate some exercise routine into my day.

Right now I'm certainly lacking a lot of exercise as my weekend routine has been disrupted since my mother's surgery. Mum is recovering well now and I've been slowing easing off my care so that she could practise going back to your usual routine. Having given care to my father and now my mother, i think I've become quite an expert care-giver for the elderly.

My years of taking care of my dad was great training. I like how it had shaped me into a more patient and compassionate person. Not that I wasn't one before; just that you are ignorant of the limits of your endurance until you have been fully tested.

Meditation trains you to be constantly aware of the thoughts that arise in your mind. And you know how to sandbox them so that none of them take control of yourself. People who lose their temper reveals a lot about the poor state of their minds. An even-tempered person detects anger arising from a very early stage and is able to dissipate their energy before it becomes uncontrollable.

The skill of mindful awareness is one that can be honed through practice. Most of the time, we are consumed by our thoughts but when we are mindful, thoughts are just one of many 'application processes' running in our minds. We have another monitoring process that oversees them. But even this monitoring process monitors itself and ensures that no single thought process consumes all resources.

An angry mind is a mind descended into chaos. The entire mind is taken over by a single all-consuming thought that seeks the path of least resistance. It even induces the body to act violently sometimes. It is a sorry state of mind indeed.

Mindfulness means constant awareness and monitoring of one's state of mind. When a single thought appears to be hogging resources, we ease it off. We allow it to fade away by not reinforcing it. That means letting go--which is another skill I talked about in an earlier article. 

By caring for others, we let go of our own self-serving thoughts. The ego is forgotten because to serve is to subsume oneself to others. And that works better than any self-absorbed meditative practice.

A Boat called The Human Condition

I want to write about something positive today. Something that will lift my mood up; not that I'm feeling down right now but I was reflecting on some people who are plunged in perpetual gloom. I am curious as to what can be done to change such a person's outlook on life.

I've mentioned before that I'm naturally a glass-half-full person, as opposed to someone who always see the negative in every situation. Being grateful for having half-a-glass of water to drink is a much better state of mind than to subject oneself in a tirade of negative thoughts: "My glass never is full", "I knew it: every time someone pours me a drink, it is always half-full", "You see, I never get my full due". 

Such habitual negativity is often found in people who like to see themselves as being victims. They perceive the world as always being unfair to them, and the are being dealt a bad hand. They are 'motivated' to continue spewing negativity because they need people to acknowledge how much they have suffered and how their situation is so untypical of others. 

The need for acknowledgement of their suffering is part of this complaining attitude towards life. Unfortunately grumpy people don't usually attract many sympathetic friends. Such people just need an outlet to vent their frustrations towards everything. Constant venting however is not a solution that will help the person break away from this cycle of negativity.

One thing that can be done is to expose them to the company of cheerful people--people who could lead by example. Let them see how a difficult situation can be tackled rationally and cheerfully, without resorting to anger or blame.  They will find that, a 'giving-people-the-benefit-of-the-doubt' attitude will always make one's life better. You don't accumulate resentments that way. No one in this world is conspiring to make life miserable for you. They are also struggling to overcome their own weaknesses and its resulting suffering.

You see, everyone is in the same boat called "The Human Condition".  Everyone is born with certain strengths and weaknesses. We all try to hide or deny our weaknesses. When they manifest themselves, they cause us pain, simply because we do not know how to handle them. 

Acknowledge your own weaknesses, but at the same time be kind to yourself. Sometimes these weaknesses are just irrational fears that are unnecessarily amplified. See them clearly as they are. Tell yourself, it's alright. It's not a matter of life and death. You are not alone in this struggle called life. 

To call life a 'struggle' is also the wrong paradigm to adopt. You wouldn't call a workout session in the gym as a 'struggle'. Every difficulty that causes you to 'struggle' is just another resistance load added to help strengthen your body and mind. You'll always gain something out of it. 

The Human Condition is a boat launched on a sea with choppy waters. Some sea-sickness is bound to be expected. But after a while, one gets accustomed to its rock and sway and be able to get on with life on it. Blaming the boat or the sea for your discomfort is not going to help. Adapting to it does.