Forgetful Kindness

I'm constantly amazed by how people get angry easily over small and petty things.  The expression of anger reveals a lot about the psychology of a person.  It offers a glimpse into what the angry person considers to be important in his or her life.

Everyone has sensitive spots which when exposed could lead to an emotional outburst that takes the form of rage or grief. For example, if someone insults your intelligence publicly by calling you stupid, how would you react? If intelligence or competence is something which you take pride in, such a public insult would certainly not be taken kindly. 

Pride in one's own ability is an essential component of one's ego. The ego is an artificial mental construct which we have unconsciously built over time. It is the mental model of your physical existence. An insult to your pride, is a blow to the ego, not unlike the thrust of a sharp object to one's body.

When the ego is threatened, it attempts to defend itself by reacting in anger. So every time someone is angry, see if you can identify what aspect of the person's ego does it reveal. 

Take the case of road rage. Why would someone blocking your way trigger such abusive language and gestures? The person probably thinks that his importance is diminished by someone so blatantly ignoring his right of way or perhaps it also helps to reaffirm his superiority over others by pointing out other people's incompetence on the road. 

The ego is always looking at ways to defend and strengthen itself through confirmation bias. All resentment results from repeated confirmation in the mind that the opposite party is constantly repeating their despicable behaviour. Not again! That's how relationships between husband and wives and also between business partners grow sour. Familiarity often breeds contempt.

Kindness, understanding and compassion diminish and dissolve the ego. A true act of kindness is a voluntary tear-down of one's own ego structure. You let go of your pride and selfishness to accommodate someone else. 

Kindness will always result in personal inconvenience. You are sacrificing time, energy and other resources for someone else's benefit. And if that inconvenience is taken as something negative, the ego takes the opportunity again to replenish its reservoir of resentments.

Even when one accomplishes a great act of kindness, the ego will still try to use it as an opportunity to build another artificial structure--your 'reputation' for kindness. It makes you crave for praise and recognition. You begin to expect it every time and when it is not forthcoming, you feel hurt or unappreciated. That is another resentment trap that one should be vigilant for.

True kindness has no memory. You 'fire and forget', almost like a reflex action. Any act of charity is best done quietly and anonymously, without any fanfare. Kindness heals by softening the ego. Any surge of pride that one feels is but a momentary wave of pleasure that rises and falls, and promptly forgotten. 

Will such a kind person be taken advantage of by others? Sometimes, in the short term. But that is not your problem. It is not your job to keep account of deeds owed and rendered. Outsource that to the universe. In the long run, no act of kindness can result in one's ruination, because it goes against the laws of nature. Just practice forgetful kindness. The attendant peace and joy of the act will be its constant reward.