Thursday, July 29, 2004

The Dialectic Synthesis of Souls

The Dialectic Synthesis of Souls

Lovers often quarrel because they expect their partners to behave in certain ways; when these expectations are not met, they feel let down, disappointed, neglected and unloved. Unhappiness results.

Often a love would blossom beautifully in its early stages but degenerates later into selfishness and possessiveness. Simple disagreements would suddenly spiral into to bitter fights. Why does that happen?

I wrote in an another blog entry before that sometimes people treat their friends better than the way they treat their spouses. With spouses, they no longer feel a need to maintain a measure of distance and respect. Any harsh word can be said. Any minor irritation is expressed. Expectations on each other becomes unbridled, to the point of being unreasonable.

Because they have become so close, couples do not feel any barriers between themselves. There's good and bad in that. The good thing is that both parties can share anything--one soul is directly connected to the other. The bad thing is that anger is also often expressed directly, with enormous venom and bitterness. The pain experienced as a result is deeper and more heartfelt.

Compounding the problem is the fact that familiarity usually breeds contempt; over time most couples will mentally collect all the negatives about their partners. These negatives accumulate over time and they all tend to be spilt out during those moments of anger. The positives are often forgotten because they are "expected", and are therefore unappreciated.

I mentioned before that marriage is an opportunity for two people to absorb each other's karma--to tolerate each other's weaknesses, to achieve a state of realisation about each individual's faults and then to be able to learn to rectify them together.

Romantic relationships are never easy. Everyone of us is a bundle of theses and anti-theses. A relationship is thus an on-going dialectic between two evolving souls--two systems of forces trying to find some kind of resolution. The outcome--if the process is given the opportunity to work itself out--is a transcendental state: a sublime synthesis of souls. That to me is the whole purpose of marriage.

No comments: