Driving with a Dead Dog

Had the strangest of phone-calls from my colleague Edwin last night. Edwin is a flamboyant account manager who has a taste for the fancy and the luxurious. Usually busy with one of his many girlfriends on a Saturday night, I was surprised when he called me and told me that he is driving around the town with a dead dog in his car!

Apparent his pet dog has just died from sickness and he is looking for a place to dispose off its body. My sympathies, but why call me? He then told me that he was looking for the best river or canal in Jakarta to dump the body but couldn't find a suitable one as most of them were hardly flowing at all and were choked with garbage. He wanted to consult me be because he considers me an "expert" on the kali-kali (canals or rivers) of Jakarta!

Well, the reason why he considers me so is because I have often taken a keen interest in the history of old Jakarta - then known as Batavia. The Dutch had great plans for the city - they wanted to build an Amsterdam of the East with canals serving as transportation waterways into the heart of the city. It was a bad idea. In the tropics, the canals became open sewers and breeding ground for all sorts of diseases. But still in the old days one can find many boats and prahus transporting goods to and from the port of Sunda Kelapa north of Jakarta using these canals.

Today the canals serve the functions of monsoon drains and sewers. The many squatters that sprout up beside them contribute further to the ugliness and pollution of this drainage system. One can see many of these canals choked with black stinking sewage criss-crossing all over Jakarta city like festering wounds. I do admit that I am quite fascinated by them because to me, they define Jakarta: the dirty canals are symbollic of the poverty and filth that seem to ooze out from every pore of the city. Most locals do not bother to give them a second glance but I have spent weekends poring over maps and hiking across the city tracing their routes!

My friend Edwin, being an environmentally conscious fellow, did not want to dump his dead dog into a canal that does not flow. For an eerie moment I had the nagging suspicion that perhaps the dead body in the trunk of his car is not a dog but one of his jealous girlfriends. Shrugging the thought aside, I suggested a couple of options to him. Perhaps Kali Grogol which is wider than the others? Or the Ciliwung on its approach to Tanjung Priok? Maybe the one beside Shangrila Hotel, which supposedly was built to alleviate floods?

None of the options seemed to be appropriate for one reason or another. Like a couple of first-time murderers, desperation and panic began to creep in. Finally I jokingly suggested to him that perhaps he should sell the carcass to the Bataks. The Bataks are an ethic group originating from Sumatra, well-known for their fondness for dog meat. Edwin latched on the idea enthusiastically and told me that he is heading right away to the nearest Batak restaurant in Senayan!

Knowing what a good salesman he is, I won't be surprised if he tells me in the office tomorrow that he managed to clinch a good deal for his dead dog.