Thursday, November 11, 2004

The Victim

The Victim

It may be strange but it's definitely true: many of us actually desire to be in an unhappy state. You see that kind of behaviour manifested in many ways, either directly or indirectly.

There's a reason why this is so, even though we ourselves may not consciously realise it: It's because we want pity, consolation or excuse. And when we find that this behaviour constantly elicits favourable responses from the people around us, we unconsciously turn it into a habit; our "unhappiness" becomes chronic.

This is what spiritual healer Dr Caroline Myss refers to as the Victim archetype. Everyone of us has a Victim lurking somewhere deep within us. Because failure is always painful, whenever we fail, we want to blame it on everything else but ourselves. We want to act the role of a victim so that we elicit pity; so that we are consoled; so that blame is immediately deflected from us.

We like to put the blame for our unhappy situation on the environment and the people around us: our bosses, colleagues, company policies, our upbringing or simply bad luck. The Victim subconsciously chooses to remain a victim because it wants to be in an advantageous position of not having to take responsibility for its own circumstance. So we are constantly wallowing in self-pity.

Being a victim is an easy way out from taking the challenges of work, life or relationships head-on. We are so afraid of failure, embarassment or chastisement that we'd rather suffer the lesser pain of playing the role of a victim. Yes, the Victim is always unhappy; but it is "harmless" unhappiness. It is an unhappiness that the Victim can constantly alleviate by attracting the pity and consolation of friends.

How do we subdue this Victim within us? First, we need to acknowledge its existence. Then we need to make a conscious decision of wanting to be free from it. I've written previously how personal change is one of the most difficult thing for anyone of us to do.

But in the end, it all boils down to choice: Victim or Victor, you decide.

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