Monday, November 01, 2004

Love, like Sunlight

Love, like Sunlight

A friend of mind saw his ex-girlfriend with a group of her friends two weeks before his wedding ceremony; but he avoided her. He was afraid that meeting her would open all the floodgates of his emotions again.

I knew that he went through many trials and tribulations with his ex before they broke off. They obviously loved each other very much but somehow people deeply in love often end up hurting each other. Love is a force that once unleashed, is very difficult to contain. And if we are not mature enough to handle it, enormous destruction can result.

Love is an attractive force between two individuals--it has a tendency to bind, at least at the physical level. For a brief moment when the bond is forged, there is a sense of bliss and completeness. But it is only after this initial state of euphoria that the true test of love begins.

Once physical possession has been settled, there comes the stage of emotional negotiation. Sometimes we think that we love someone when in fact we are simply using that someone as a vehicle for filling a selfish need. Lovers cling to each other selfishly because each fills a specific void in the other. Each has something to give, and each wants something back in return.

This negotiation process is unfortunately not something that is acknowledged directly. Couples take years to negotiate--through daily quarrels, fights and very subtle emotional manipulation. Many are perpetually in a state of negotiation: they keep repeating the same arguments over and over again throughout their entire relationship.

Some people say that's normal. All marriages are like that. Lovers quarrel and make up. In the end, this emotional rollercoaster ride is worth it. Or is it really?

Expectations between lovers are always high. We want our partners to behave in certain ways and when they don't we get angry. But is that acceptable? We never quarrel in such a childish manner with our friends, do we?

With friends, we always maintain a respectful distance. We accept that friends might think differently from us. We will never think about trying to change our friend's behaviour to suit us--for the simple reason that we don't own our friends.

Parents have to learn this lesson of love too, often the hard way, when their children grow up and no longer listen to what they say anymore.

Perhaps that's a good basis to build a relationship.We don't own the people we love. Your loved one is just a channel for you to express your love--because love is a creative force that yearns for expression. Love is like sunlight. The sun does not seek anything in return when it shines. But it does get to enjoy all the beautiful flowers that bloom and grow through its nurturing light.

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