Thoughts at a Wedding Dinner

The typical middleclass Indonesian wedding dinner -- especially one that's held in a five-star hotel -- is a strange affair to me: Guests come in their suits and ties and the women are decked like Christmas trees in their best jewelleries and gowns. Such was my colleague's Edwin wedding dinner last night at the Dharmawangsa Hotel.

I had wanted to start a new casual trend by going there in my short-sleeves and khakis; but I don't think I managed to win any converts at the end of the night. In Malaysia, if you had gone to a wedding dinner in a suit and tie, you would have been mistaken for the bridegroom.

If one expects the rousing yamseng affair of a typical Malaysian Chinese wedding, one would be thoroughly disappointed indeed. It is not customary for Indonesians to serve liqour on wedding feasts; in fact, "feast" is a bit of a misnomer, for the usual Indonesian wedding at the hotel is a buffet-style, standing affair.

Though the wedding was an expensive one, band, singer and ballet dancers and all, the whole affair, at least to me, with everyone dressed rather comically in suits, had the atmosphere of a corporate event. Even the food was of your typical product-launch-seminar lunch-break fare. Sorry no sharks-fin soup.

But overall it was a happy and dazzling affair: Young and old, ibu-ibus and bapak-bapaks sportingly participated in communal poco-poco dance.

As usual I got sucked into the well-intentioned but tiresome when-is-your-turn conversation with my married colleagues. "There are so many beautiful girls in Indonesia". That I agree, but what I can't comprehend is why so many of my friends would want to get married only to continue leading the licentious life they led as bachelors.

Fidelity is a rare virtue in deed, especially in Jakarta. That night at Dharmawangsa, I looked around me and saw everywhere, the secret deceits of men hovering behind the coiffured heads of their jewel-bedecked partners.