The Games of Married Men (and Women)

My married friends these days far outnumber the unmarried ones. In Indonesia, it is rare to find someone still unmarried in his 30s. I can divide my married friends into two categories: Those who claim that being married is the best thing in their lives, and those who harbour regrets at having lost the freedom of their bachelorhood.

The former group would always look at me with some condescending kind of pity--they cannot understand why I am so "selfish" and choose to remain single. The second group would look at me with envy: "I wish I could still do as I wish like you, never having to worry about going home late, never having to constantly report to my other half".

Both sides have valid arguments, and I enjoy hearing them make their cases. Being male and single, I am privy to many of their infidelities too and I must say that they exist equally in both groups. Sometimes I wonder if women also have their secret worlds, totally hidden from their men.

I guess it is a game that men and women play against each other. Who could forget the duel of seduction between the characters played by John Malkovich and Glenn Close in Dangerous Liaisons? I have been watching Dangerous Liaisons over and over again since the late eighties and I am still not bored with it. There's so much fun and philosophy to be distilled from that movie.

Why do men and women indulge in these infidelity games? Is perhaps marriage part of that game too? Maybe the reason is, as Vicomte de Valmont (John Malkovich) expressed succinctly in the movie,

"It's beyond my control"