The Miracle of Emotions

I'm back to my habit of waking early, before 6am these days, which also means I have to be in bed before 12 midnight. With the relaxation of the MCO lockdown, we are able to go back slowly to our old lives. I am happy to be able to jog in the park again. There's a mixture of joy and apprehension as things seem to be going back to normal: will re-acquire our bad habits? Or will we change for the better?

The news both locally and worldwide are rather troubling. Riots are happening in 25 major cities in the US sparked off by yet another unnecessary death of an African-American in the hands of the police. All the pent-up anger and frustrations are now brought out on to the streets. This comes on the heels of the US crossing the tragic landmark of 100,000 deaths due to the Covid-19 virus. On the local front, there have been a few tragic road accidents due to drunk driving lately. The political situation is also not encouraging as politicians are busy wheeling and dealing behind the scenes to jostle for power, while the nation is distracted and immobilized by the pandemic.

We humans are emotional creatures. When anger arises, it is difficult to suppress. When it has already boiled to the surface, the energy has to be released somehow. Sometimes this could lead to tragic consequences. The God of the Old Testament was an angry one, while the Gospels bring out the loving and forgiving aspect of God. For some of us, this emotional drama between Man and God gives life its purpose and meaning. Life is a hero's journey of trials and ultimate redemption. Our myths and movies celebrate the struggle of Man in the face of adversity. We are touched by stories because emotion begets more emotions. When emotions are focused on a specific goal, we produce faith.

And because we are the emotional beings that we are, we rouse emotions to promote the causes that we believe in. Good art understands the mechanics of emotions and through them, communicates direct to our hearts. Emotions bypasses the analytical mind--it just needs to resonate and everything rings true. That is the power of emotions and anger is part of that spectrum. But emotions are like fire--they could sometimes flare up and consume us. In its aftermath, we sit among its smoldering embers to wonder if it has been worth the destruction it caused.

Like fire too, emotions can be tapped for both creative and destructive purposes. We can use fire with skill to cook the most appetizing dishes or we could raze an entire city to the ground. The first step towards the mastery of emotions is detecting its existence for they are there all the time, smoldering like peat fire beneath the psyche. Meditate on its flickering existence; understand its lifecycle; know what fuels its growth. If we are skillful enough in handling it, we could perform miracles.

A Moment's Reflection

This is another typical pandemic day for me: all day at home, working from my bedroom. I've been learning new things every day, making full use of the lack of activities elsewhere. The other day I dropped by at the old office to sign some documents. It was great to be able to chat with former colleagues again. I pity all of them having to wear a mask all day at work. But this is the new normal and we'd better get used to it.

Today is also the first day of Hari Raya Aidil Fitri, the Muslim celebration for the end of the fasting month. The pandemic has made everyone look at their usual religious obligations in a different light. Perhaps it is a good thing. When we are too mired in rules and rituals, we forget the essence of religion. We can't worship at mosques and churches now, so we have to believe that the divine can be accessed wherever we are, as long as we focus our hearts and minds to it. I think it helps us to strengthen our faith.

I see the lockdown as a sort of spiritual retreat. It gives us an opportunity to reevaluate our priorities; it lets us see deeper into our souls and figure out what's important and what's not. It shows us that any bad habit can be broken as long as we have the resolve to do so and that we are actually quite adaptable. If we are willing to let go of things, so much transformation can happen.

Accepting and embracing change is one of the most difficult challenges in life. Everything we hold dearly to ultimately will be lost. This Buddhistic truth is such a brutally stark and cold one. We have to learn to accept the loss of our youth and vigour and everything we hold dear to, ultimately. The pandemic has made all of us see the fragility of life. The universe favours no single life-form: we are but a flicker of existence in the immensity of space and time--a tiny wavelet of energetic impulse, rising and falling in the void.

While this view of the universe can be very depressing, we can also look at it this way: we are the universe. You don't lament the loss of a single strand of hair because, they keep growing--old ones are replaced by new ones. You still have a head of hair. The cosmos is all there is and ever will be. Even if you believe in multiverses, they are part of the cosmic whole. We are but a vehicle for the universe to experience itself. And in that experiencing we see our true nature.

And this opportunity to experience life in its totality is the miracle of existence. Take one breath, and within the in-breath and the out-breath, generations of births and deaths would have occured: everything changes, vibrates and goes in and out of existence. You are the God of your microcosm, which is a reflection of the larger macrocosm. Let's follow William Blake's advice: experience the world in a grain of sand, eternity in an hour.

We are here, now, experiencing this moment. This moment. And another moment. And yet another moment. Every moment sparkles like a multi-faceted jewel--the distillation of all your previous life moments. Every moment is a miracle of existence, reflecting and illuminating your entire life's experiences. See it clearly in its totality, with the highest possible resolution of the mind. And if you do that well, you are the universe, experiencing itself.

The Flowers of Forgetting

It's amazing how swiftly a week passes by during this lockdown period. I've been able to spend some time in Cyberjaya since the lockdown has been relaxed. But I will try not to go back to my old lifestyle after all this is over. Things might never be back to normal in this new age of the pandemic. But it is also an opportunity for humanity to acquire some new habits. Having less traffic, less congestion and less environmental abuse can only be good for us.

I was at the Sunway Pyramid Mall to run some errands on Friday. Was pleasantly surprised to see lots of parking available in the basement. Many outlets were still closed. Those that were open are half-empty because of social-distancing measures. It is tiresome to get your temperature taken every time you enter a shop. It doesn't look like things will be back to any semblance of normalcy for a while, with these stringent measures in place.

Twenty years ago, I was travelling every other week across the region. Over the past two decades, I have been 'domesticated'--kind of by choice, I must say. I wanted to lead a different kind of life. Now the pandemic is offering me and everyone else for that matter, another opportunity to lead a different kind of life. But what kind of life will it be?

Sometimes it is good to be yanked out of our comfort zones. Only then will transformation take place. Now companies are rethinking their business operations. Do they even need a physical office? Business could still be done with a lot less overhead using technology. We were all commuting to the office, chatting over coffee at the pantry and attending meeting after meeting out of habit, not necessity.

Football matches played in empty stadiums, awkward elbow bumps for goal celebrations and masked faces in the substitute bench--these are all things we have to get used to. It is a colder world, no doubt. But let's look at the bright side: we are all more hygienic--washing our hands obsessively and being ultra-conscious of the existence of pathogens in everything we touch. Wiping, spraying and washing with disinfectants at available opportunity. Never in the entire history of mankind, have the human race observed such high standards of cleanliness.

I used to spend a lot of time doing my work from cafes. Maybe now I've lost that habit. I don't know. Am I leading a lesser life because of it? Probably not. I still have access to all the books in the world; I have tonnes of audio and video contents that I can listen to; I have lots of things to learn; I still work 8 hours a day from my study or bedroom; I am still writing in my journal; my weekly blogging continues uninterrupted.

Our adaptability is our greatest asset. Like ant paths, all habits are but convenient routes which we follow by instinct. But when these paths are obliterated, we are quick to forge new ones. And soon, everything flows along again as if nothing had happened. The daily preoccupations of survival distracts us from any thoughts of the past. And soon we'll forget, like we always do.

Forgetting is a great human gift, which can be used to great advantage. For sometimes it is better to forget our old ways completely after we've acquired new ones. Only by forgetting do we really discard our bad habits. Only by a willingness to forget, does pain ever fade away. Only in the withering of flowers and leaves, do fresh new shoots spring from the ground.

Insights from the Inside

Our partial lockdown, which we Malaysians refer to by the rather Kafka-esque initials "CMCO" (Conditional Movement Control Order) has been extended for another 4 weeks.  I think there will be a gradual easing of controls over the weeks to come. And we have to learn to live with it.

Because nothing much happens when you are under lockdown, the days seem short to me. I try not to listen to too much news and simply focus on my personal projects. How will we remember these lockdown days in years to come? With fondness and nostalgia? With regret and sorrow? Or will we remember it as a turning point in our lives?

To realize that everything comes to pass ultimately, can be both a source of pain or comfort to people. If you are in a difficult situation, understanding the impermanence of things gives you hope to carry on. But if you are trying hard to cling on to some material pleasure, impermanence is your enemy.  Having the wisdom to see both sides of the coin is equanimity.

Impermanence is one of the so-called 3 marks or characteristics of existence in Buddhism. The other two is unsatisfactoriness (or suffering) and no-self (or no soul). These terms, admittedly are rather imperfect translations from the original Pali of anicca, duhkha and anatta.  Most people understand impermanence. "Everything is impermanent" is an exhortation which many dislike because it seems to give a rather pessimistic view of life. But that is again viewing one side of the coin.  The fact that everything passes away also means that there's constant renewal.  That's how the universe works. Every trough is followed by a rising crest.  If you get in tuned with the rhythm of rising and falling, you'll always be able to ride the rising wave and relax along with the downward flow when things are ebbing away. 

Ironically relationships are more 'permanent' when two persons are constant meeting and parting.  The do not live in each other's presence too long to be annoyed with one another and whenever they see each other again, there's always the joy of meeting. Separation dilutes pain and hatred. Impermanence work in our favour that way. Different relationships have different natural frequencies. For some, the duration of optimal parting could be a single day, for others it could be years.  Married couples work that out naturally after a while.

The mind without equanimity will always try to cling to things that are pleasurable and push away unpleasant ones. That's what we instinctively do, even though we know that both pain and pleasure are subject to impermanence. This restless nature is the root of the second characteristic of all phemonena --that they are never satisfactory. Even the bliss found in deep meditation are temporary and ultimately unsatisfactory. It is by letting go that one progresses.  You cannot bottle a single wave from the ocean, but you can stand above it and admire the might and grandeur of the waves as the lash against the shore.

But what is an ocean? It is just a convenient term we use to refer to a body of water. We can give names and artificially assign international boundaries to them. Like the self, oceans do not exist. There's only water molecules vibrating and redistributing themselves across space and time.  We can go on and ask ourselves what are molecules, atoms, electrons, protons, neutrons or even quarks. Physics have shown us that matter and energy are interchangeable and that particles pop in and out of existence constantly, depending on its energetic state.  In other words, energy has 'no self'. There immediate you see the three marks of existence.

To live is to gain insight into these truths.  And very often, the best insights are gained in periods of difficulties--like the times we are living in now.  Yes, we are all forced to stay inside during this lockdown period. But let's go even deeper inside, and find some true insights within.

The Minutiae of Spiritual Maps

Today is the first day of the conditional MCO, where most businesses are allowed to reopen. I see that the traffic on the road has increased significantly. The peace and quiet of the MCO days are over now. It is good that at least some businesses can resume or many would go under. Things have been very tough for a lot of people. As long as everyone takes the necessary social distancing precautions, I think we can manage the situation.

The weakest and the poorest are the most exposed during these difficult times. Those who are more fortunate must extend out a helping hand. The best kind of help are those that you give instinctively and quietly without having to publicize them. That is the best way to work out your karma. To seek recognition for helping others is to extend the chain of action and reaction. Doing good is just practicing good energy management. You focus all your resources towards the point of need and you move on without having to waste any more time dealing with either praise or blame.

We all need help at one time or another. If we are too proud to seek assistance when we are truly in need, that is also due to the ego. Look inside and see what is that facade that you are trying to project to the world. It costs a lot to maintain it. If you let it go, a lot of healing can occur. Free up the energy and let it find its best mode of expression.

Every religion emphasizes a different aspect of the path. Some focuses on love and forgiveness, which is an 'architecture' that facilitates and outward flow of positive energy. To love is to give without expecting anything in return. This is something that all lovers caught in the intoxication of first love must learn. Romantic love is often selfish, with a lot of expectations on the other party. Only through many iterations of pain, do we learn how to love. In the immortal words of Kahlil Gibran:

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love. And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.

Love dissolves the ego. The dissolution of the ego requires an act of surrender--which is another aspect of the spiritual path, emphasized by some religions. To surrender to the will of the divine means, one does one's best and leaves the outcome to the universe. To give and to love without expecting anything in return. If one is rewarded, let it be called a blessing. For a blessing does not result from one's own act of will. The monotheistic religions emphasizes a "virtual external point"--God, which is the source of all blessings. By using the architecture of the virtual external point, the ego is diminished--it is no longer the source of anything. Hence there is no desire for revenge or recognition. Once's actions are simply one's energetic contribution to the circulation of energy within a larger system. Only then, does one feel to be close to God.

We live within a sliver of the universe, seeing the world within a very narrow band of the electromagnetic spectrum, and listening within a very limited range of audio frequencies, occupying an infinitesimally small chunk of space and time. Yet in our ignorance, we think that our small flicker of consciousness is all there is. Hence we grab whatever material possession we can, thinking that it is what makes life meaningful.

Yet every time we succeed in doing so, its allure fades away, and you see yet another horizon further on, where that mythical pot of gold is. And we foolishly think that the ultimate goal of life is just to gain enough loyalty points so that one gets to claim the reward of a place in heaven, which is supposed to look like an idealized version of our small world, where everything is perfect, the way we envision it to be. How limited is our mortal imagination!

Every day, we try to chip away a bit of our ego, by prostrating before a Higher Power, by surrendering our will, by loving unconditionally, by giving and helping others. We try to circulate the energy so that nothing accumulates and festers within the constricting confines of our souls. Even the concept of a 'soul' is another manifestation of the ego's desire to actualize itself. We always need to have static objects to help us think. Hence we invent mental stepping stones for us to move forward: an internal virtual object called the 'soul' and an external one called 'God'. Point A and Point B.

Religion is simply a guide for moving from point A to point B. The more enlighten ones would prefer to call it 'merging' point A with point B. Others would tell you that points A and B are actually not real, only convenient markers, like how cities are represented by dots on the map.

We are all physical creatures, familiar with physical metaphors. We can only begin from our own humble physical vantage points. On the spiritual path, having a map is better than none. But one must never confuse dots on the map with the place they represent. The religious dogmatists argue incessantly about the minutiae of the maps: some would tell you that there are actually an infinite number of dots between A and B. No, there are a trinity of points: A, B and C. A is above B and C; No, A, B and C are all equal; no, ABC, BCA, CAB... and they write books, arguing about it.

The real spiritual seeker takes a look at all the maps, and proceeds onward. For he knows where his true destination is: it is always outside the map.

Contents and Its Discontents

Surprisingly I haven't been able to read more during this pandemic lockdown. This is mainly because I did not alter my daily routine at all. I spend most of my productive hours writing code, which leaves me quite exhausted at the end of the day. I usually get to read early in the morning and just before bedtime.

Time really flies when you are coding. I sometimes listen to some light podcasts while I'm working. There's so much content out there and one can only consume so much in a single lifetime. Which is also why I'm more selective nowadays. Movies used to be my weekly activity when I was working in Singapore and Indonesia. But these days I only watch a handful every year. It is also due to the fact that so much of our cinema screen-time is taken up by superhero movies, which I don't particularly fancy. But I still try to be acquainted with them because they are part of popular culture. I catch snippets of these movies on HBO every now and then.

It seems like the main preoccupation of our lives are consuming food and content in all its forms. Food is required for the sustenance of the body while content, if well-chosen, nourishes the mind. When it comes to content, I try to vary my diet too, even though I do have my favourite genres. Even though I do have a preference for non-fiction, I still try to squeeze in some fiction every now and then. Last year, I even read a couple of classics which I have never read in their original form: Treasure Island and Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson, Frankenstein by Mary Shelley and a Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens.

Every book I read changes me in some way. Every piece of content pushed through the digestive system of the mind, changes its neural mapping. You might forget most of its details, but rest assured, you come out of it a different person every time. So the real value of content is its transformative power, and not so much its entertainment value. Entertainment helps in the delivery of a book's message and insight--very much like how we use seasoning to make food more palatable. A good book does its job after it has been read. And its digestion happens, slowly and imperceptibly. Its nutrients seep into every aspect of our lives.

Health freaks will always remind you that you are what you eat. But more importantly, you are what you read. Like certain types of food, books even have curative powers. I remember reading Sri Aurobindo's Integral Yoga when I was in university and that helped me to overcome a very challenging period in my life. The poetry of Dylan Thomas, Shelley, Byron and Wordsworth formed the intellectual backdrop of my students years. My days commuting to work in Singapore, were filled with works of Kafka, Thomas Hardy, Orwell and Tolstoy.

During these difficult times of the Covid-19 pandemic, when our usual supply of food is disrupted, it is good to reflect back on what really makes us who we are. Does being able to eat expensive meals in fancy restaurants make you a better person? You might be able to post some pretty pictures on Instagram to impress your friends, but ultimately who you are is what you take away from every life experience.

Life's real content is not your Facebook timeline, it is the insight you've gained from all these experiences. What are these insights? Simple. Just imagine that your Instagram, Facebook and Twitter accounts have all been suddenly erased overnight. What's left in you? Only your insights and your discontents. And that's who you are, ultimately.

The Joy of Non-Judgement

Sometimes I am frustrated at the slow pace of my work. Some programming problems can be quite challenging and it takes me a couple of iterations before I could zero in on the best solution. I worked for more than five hours today but ended my work session feeling like I did not accomplish that much. I get this feeling all the time. But I'm also experienced enough to know that it is the cumulative work that counts. As long as you move forward every day, you will certainly amass a volume of work that will astound you after a while.

When it comes to work, I confess that I do have a tendency to judge myself a bit too harshly. But I am learning to be less of a perfectionist. This blog is in keeping with that philosophy of imperfection: I try to write spontaneously without revising too much. These are essentially first drafts of my thoughts. By not judging too much about my writing here, I ended up writing a lot after all these years.

I treat food the same way too. I am not fussy about what I eat. I do have my favourite dishes and places to eat but I usual eat what's conveniently available. I find most Asian and Western food agreeable. I also believe that all food tastes great when you are hungry. So the trick is to make sure you only eat when you are famished.

Craving and aversion are two extremes that I try to avoid. That makes me a rather dull person, I admit. Having strong opinion about things is important especially, if you want to attract a following in social media. Social media is where birds of the same feathers flock together. Many people are not articulate, so they tend to rally around people who champion their own beliefs loudly and eloquently. it is no surprise why we are more divided than ever before because social media amplify our differences and trap us in our own opinion bubbles. We only read or watch news that is agreeable to us because there's enough of agreeable content to go around and the social media algorithms are good at learning to pander to our preferences.

In a world so divided, it is becoming even more of a necessity to be less judgemental about things. If we want to react emotionally every time we read a disagreeable tweet, we'll have plenty to be upset about. Yes, you can disagree and rebut, but being non-judgemental means that you don't have to react emotionally. Understand, evaluate and then form an opinion. Realise that an opinion is nothing but a working hypothesis, subject to change after more data is available. That's how we should move forward.

Being non-judgemental doesn't mean one doesn't have an opinion. Instead we are merely adopting the spirit of exploration. We are like ships navigating in the fog. We are constantly sensing what's in front of us as we sail forward. But we still move forward in a specific direction. That direction is a judgement call that we make. It could be a wrong call, but if it is, we are never too late to make corrections, simply because we adopt a flexible and vigilant stance. And this is the wisdom and joy of non-judgement.

Testing Thoughts

I'm not going to blog about the Covid-19 pandemic today, as we are already bombarded with too many depressing news from all over the world. We can consider ourselves lucky that our infection rates are still relatively manageable, even though it comes at a great cost to the nation.

What is more interesting is how people are coping with it. It is strange how many are finding an abundance of time unbearable. What do you mean there's nothing to do? Of course, people have a lot of things that they can do, like acquiring a new skill, or finally reading those books that have been collecting dust on the shelf. It's just that they are not interested in pursuing them. Many of us are simply interested in diversions--anything that takes our minds off the present moment.

It's as if being still and quiet for even a minute is an unthinkable act. To many, life is not here and now, it is always elsewhere. Let's examine the now for a while. What's happening now? A thought occurs. Another thought, and another, and another one...it simply goes on ad infinitum. Where do they come from? Did you will it to appear in your mind? No. It simply appeared. You apparently have no control over them.

Now, if you have no control over them, do you know where do they lead to? What is the natural direction of your thoughts? Do they always end up with some kind of conclusion? Or do they lead you to some kind of creative breakthrough? Some eureka moment? Rarely. They simply run around in circles, chasing their own tails.

External circumstances can trigger new chains of thoughts: an attractive-looking person passing by, flashes of scenes from an action movie, a snippet of gossip overheard. Then the thoughts in our minds are churned again, swirling around like particles in a snow globe.

Isn't our thinking mind the most interesting instrument that we possess? Why can't that be the constant subject of our investigation? Why can't the mind examine itself? Is that even possible?

Most definitely. Wise men have been doing that for ages. It's called meditation. And there, you have a default activity that you can indulge in anytime. It's a great hobby--one that brings enormous benefits.

Hang on, what benefits? In what way can this seemingly self-indulgent act of mind-watching be a productive activity? Simple: it's because everything about your life stems from there. Every action has its seed in a thought. Thoughts snowball over time into actions that determine the course of your life. And if you have no idea whence they come from, how do you have any control over your own life?

Like that dreaded virus that is wreaking havoc all over the world, all thoughts have an incubation period in the mind. And when you do not test and detect them early, you have no control over which ones would take over your mind, and ultimately your life. So seize the next thought and put it to the test.

Strength from Suffering

Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be;
In the soothing thoughts that spring
Out of human suffering;
In the faith that looks through death,
In years that bring the philosophic mind.

- William Wordsworth
Ode: Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood

I was supposed to write my weekly blog article yesterday but I got caught up in my work. Today, I'm feeling a bit tired after another productive day. But I'll try to squeeze in an article here before dinner time.

Still living my pandemic lockdown days here in Subang Jaya. I drove out of the house briefly to buy newspapers from the 7-11 store. The ample parking space available in the streets is a much welcome sight. This worldwide lockdown is like a great experiment for the entire planet. It's as if there's a gigantic knob that controls human activities and one day, we just decided to turn down its volume. Suddenly, the skies are clearer, the rivers are cleaner, the streets are emptied of cars and it feels like a better world--one that is more quiet and pristine. It's an ironic outcome, given the virus has infected vast populations, bringing death and despair all over the globe.

I am reminded of the world of my childhood when there were no computers and televisions. It was a quieter world then and I remember how much more time we spent in communion with nature and the people around us. As kids, we played outdoors in the bushes and rubber estates, all over the housing estate, moving freely in and out of our neighbours' place as if we were all one big happy family, scattered across many houses. There was always the sound of some kid practicing the piano ringing far and wide over the freshest of morning air and long happy holidays filled with indoor board games and outdoor adventures in the forest. Thinking about those times bring to mind some immortal lines from Dylan Thomas's poem, Fern Hill:

And as I was green and carefree, famous among the barns
About the happy yard and singing as the farm was home,
In the sun that is young once only,
Time let me play and be
Golden in the mercy of his means,
And green and golden I was huntsman and herdsman, the calves
Sang to my horn, the foxes on the hills barked clear and cold,
And the sabbath rang slowly
In the pebbles of the holy streams.

That's how I remember those halcyon days of my childhood. It is strange how a world on the brink of an apocalyptic pandemic brings back such nostalgic memories. As we reflect on our present day predicament, we shall, like Wordsworth, out of our suffering, find strength in what remains behind.

The Immunity of the Soul

I'm writing from the safety and relative comforts of my bedroom, where I've been spending most of my time these past 2 weeks of partial lockdown. Our generation has not seen this much distress before. Today, the US estimates that, deaths due to the Covid-19 virus could hit figures between 100,000 to 200.000. This a war against an invisible enemy: 'World War V(irus)'.

A lot of people are worried over their jobs and the loss of income. I am grateful to have a roof over my head and food on the table and a good internet connection to continue doing my work. Our frontliners in the medical and law enforcement profession are bravely fighting the virus and keeping order in the streets, while we languish helplessly at home. I also pity countries like India, a country with 1.3 billion people, which is now undergoing lockdown. Where are the homeless and jobless supposed to go? Are they to be left on the streets to die without food, if not being infected by the virus?

Even if the body is well-fed and sheltered, there is still the problem of mental health. Those who are prone to depression could be especially vulnerable, now with financial and health worries piling on. The stress of being cooped up at home with family members could also trigger an outbreak of pent-up emotions. Many families last as long as they do because members keep an optimal 'socal distance' between each other. The husband knows when to avoid the wife by working late; the wife uses the kids as a diversion and shield from the internal frustrations that have built up over the years. Families are emotional crucibles which make or break us. The late spiritual teacher Ram Dass has a famous quote: "If you think you are enlightened, go spend a week with your family".

A family is a karmic system where each member's individual karmic energy are forced to interact within a given boundary condition in space and time. We are all bundles of karmic energy and in our daily intercourse with others, we rub off each other in both positive and negative ways. We feel the pain and pleasure of relationships and by riding through them, we gain valuable insights and lessons. Only when these lessons have been assimilated into our souls, do we gain karmic immunity.

It's like immunity against any pathogen. You'll have to be exposed to a disease and recover from it before your body acquires the antibody for immunity against it. Vaccination is the process of introducing a weakened form of the harmful microorganism into the body so that it can activate its immune system to protect itself against it, and in the process learning how to be ready against similar but more lethal pathogens in the future.

Family life immunizes us against harsher pains that we might encounter in our lives. We start families because we are driven by our biological need to preserve our genes. This is an overpowering force that drives us sometimes into reckless actions. And then, there's that ego-driven impulse to achieve something in life: someone to love, a happy family in a nice comfortable home, with bright and beautiful children all growing up to achieve great success in the world. A successful family is something one can be proud of. But behind the facade of it all, is a lot of sweat and tears, because all worldly happiness requires mental, emotional and physical pain in exchange.

While family life provides the crucible for most people to work out their karma, the renunciate has a tougher job because he or she does not get exposed to all the emotional pathogens that come with family life. The renunciate has to work out his immunity from inside out by running simulations in this mind. By observing the workings of its mental antibodies, he gains an understanding of its science, which he then hopes to apply in everyday life. It is a tough path for anyone to follow, and many flounder because they are lulled into a sense of safety by avoiding the world.

So, if you face difficulties in your family life, embrace it with patience and humility. Be grateful that you are only exposed to a 'mild' form of pathogenic disease. Remember, it is your best opportunity to strengthen the immunity of your soul.

The Abyss of Absolution

It feels a bit 'crowded' now that everyone is forced to stay at home due to the coronavirus pandemic. The economy of the whole world is virtually grinding to a halt with all outdoor activities prohibited, except for essential services. People are just spending a lot of time on social media venting their boredom and frustrations.

I mentioned 'crowded' because of all the noise and distractions coming from social media. The whole world has converged on WhatsApp, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, spreading fear, panic and anger. This is the closest to a wartime scenario that most of our generation has ever faced.

The so-called "Movement Control Order" (MCO), as we call the partial lockdown here, is a great pain and inconvenience to a lot of people. We are not allowed to go for their usual activities at the mamak stall, parks, shopping malls and pubs--which is how the majority of people spend their leisure time. We are being forced to stay at home and overcome our restlessness.

It is a good time for us to finally learn the nature of our minds. We are in constant need of distractions to prevent our internal emptiness from coming to the surface. But once we are tired of fiddling with our smartphones and channel-surfing the TV, we have to confront our own minds. But why are we so afraid of it?

We realize that our so-called 'happy life' is simply the swift flitting of the mind from one distraction to another. And once this sequence of stimuli ends, we are left staring into the deep and dark abyss within. It is like a an empty stage, after the play has ended and the audience have all gone home and we realize that all the ups and downs of emotions we face in our daily lives, are all fake and ephemeral.

Now what is in this abyss? If we know how to make friends with it, it is actually a wellspring of insights. By overcoming our fear of solitude and silence, we gain communion with something deeper within us. What seemed like an endless vortex of darkness sudden springs to life as a fount of creativity--like diving into a black hole only to emerge on the other side, in another universe of light.

There's so much we could discover within ourselves, if only we are willing to let go of the seductions of the external world. Then we'll understand what the mystics and artists have been trying to tell us all this while. Our absolution can only be found at the bottom of the abyss.

Beneath the Virulent Waves

Looks like we in Malaysia are living in an unprecedented time. Perhaps, never since World War 2 or the riots of May 13 1969 have there been such a disruption to our everyday life. Because of the corona-virus pandemic, everyone is now talking about a lockdown, which many countries have already implemented.

The pandemic is decimating economies worldwide. The world is coming to a halt. We are asked to stay at home, which actually doesn't sound like the end of the world to many, that is if one doesn't need to worry about making a living. Perhaps I've chosen the right year to go slow on my work as everyone else are being forced to do so.

There's already a panic buying spree at all of our supermarkets and hypermarkets. Shelves are being emptied as if there's a zombie apocalypse. At the time of writing, we in Malaysia are considered lucky as there are still zero deaths, even though the total number of people infected today rises to 553. It will get worse before it gets better.

I'm happy to stay at home. In any case that's what I've been doing since the beginning of the year. Working from home requires a lot of discipline. I still dress up everyday, to drive to my apartment to work. I like the routine of going somewhere to start work. But even before I start this part of my day, I would have already clocked in at least an hour of preliminary work at home, after my morning routine of meditation.

My life is regimented and regular. Boring to others but extremely satisfying personally because I do the things that matter, which is improving myself everyday--physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I make sure that I make progress everyday. I am constantly writing, building and learning new things. The good thing about the internet is that you can never run out of things to learn.

Perhaps the whole country can look at this corona-virus episode positively. It is like a kind of enforced sabbatical for everyone to reinvent themselves. I hope good sense will prevail and people will not do anything to create more panic. People, as always like to blame the government for not doing enough. Not that the government is free from any fault, but I think we have to stop wasting too much time venting and arguing on social media. There's way too much virtual signalling out there.

But I suppose that's human nature. The ego seeks attention to reinforce its own identity. All that hatred, disgust and self-righteousness: I observe them as one observes the waves that rise and fall on the surface of the ocean. The waters could be turbulent but deep down inside beneath the surface, it is silent and quiet. There lies the greatest mysteries--mysteries which I've dedicated my life to explore. There could be virulent anger on the surface of everything, but beneath it all, lies some deeper truth. And that is where one finds meaning.

The Tree of Wisdom

The Coronavirus epidemic is creating fear everywhere. I experienced the same thing during the SARS epidemic. At that time, I was flying occasionally and every flight felt tense and uncomfortable. But that was 17 years ago.

Today, social media makes the panic worse. The things that go viral over through your phone causes as much harm as Covid-19, as the virus is officially known now. I am not comfortable wearing a mask; I merely take the basic precautions in avoiding crowded public places and washing my hands often. I also changed my routine a bit, preferring to work from my apartment than from cafes.

Working alone purposefully is one of the simple joys of life. One of the tricks of being always in a happy mood is to create easy opportunities for simple pleasures to manifest themselves. Waking up early and being able to have a head-start to the day, is a great joy. Never mind that you have not accomplished anything yet. Being fully ready on the starting line is already a cause for celebration.

Life is full of risks. We live everyday with a lot of uncertainties: we could to be hit by a car the moment we step out from the house; we can get infected by harmful viruses anytime. But still we go about life with the anticipation of a success in everything we do. A kind of positive optimism is how life should be pursued. Do what we can at any moment in time, being mindful of what we are supposed to do and to experience each moment fully, no matter what the outcome is.

When we look at the people around us, we realize that everyone is in the same boat. Everyone tries to do their best to pursue what they think is important to them. Some make bad choices because the things they want in life requires a high price to pay, but we always reap what we sow. We have to respect everyone's choice and each and every one of us has an individual path to pursue. Sometimes we can only learn our lessons the hard way. But learn we will, albeit slowly and painfully.

When you are young, you are brave and energetic. So you do not mind pain, and sometimes even welcome them, as long as the rewards are comeasurable. Pain comes in two forms: physical hard-work and mental stress. Many people are more than willing to do hardwork to achieve their goals but are ignorant of their capacity to handle stress. We regain our physical energy after a good rest but stress is often chronic. It prevents you from having a good rest at night. It stays with you day and night, poisoning your soul.

Are you ready for that? Are you capable of unburdening yourself of your problems at night so that you can have a good sleep? Most people can't. And that's the greatest suffering one has to endure in modern life. That perpetual fight-or-flight condition one carries day and night in one's mind and body. To let go of it requires one to trace its sources. We often think the cause of all our problems lies outside ourselves. It's other people's fault--your parents, your co-workers, your boss and your circumstances in life.

That is the trap that one has to free oneself from. Look into yourself. Be clear of what you are striving for. Perfect your own soul first. Stresses build up when your approach and reaction to the external world is not optimal. When you feel pressure accumulating in one area, relax and free it first. Solve problems before they become to big, until they break you. Be fluid and be an efficient self-correcting system. That way, you can weave yourself around any obstacle without injuring yourself. Be like a strong tree, anchored firmly to the ground, with deep roots, allowing your branches to sway gently to absorb the force of the wind.

Strengthen your trunks from the inside, slowly adding layer upon layer. Sprout new leaves and shed the withered ones. A tree is firm but yielding at the right places to accommodate the onslaught of the wind and rain. It does its work surely and quietly. A tree blends naturally into the ecosystem because it is constantly sensing and adjusting to its surrounding.

And that is how we should face life, like a mighty tree, standing to the test of time.

Transmutation of the 3 Treasures

I'm fond of observing human nature. Humans are not logical creatures. As a matter of fact we are more emotional than logical in all our decisions and actions, even though we often try to justify them with 'logical' explanations after the fact.

Neuroscientists have even speculated that free will as we know it, might not even exist. Studies have indicated that all our decisions are made at the subconscious level before our conscious mind is even aware of them. Once decisions have bubbled up to the surface, we then try to fit them into our logic system, by emphasizing facts that support the decision and downplaying those that do not.

Which is why politics is so difficult because everyone claims that they know what is the right way forward, but unfortunately, most of the time, we are not so sure. We simply justify our support for certain leaders based on what pleases us emotionally. Studies by psychologists have also indicated our political leanings are also determined to a great extent by our genes. We are actually born a progressive or a conservative!

On the things that matter in our lives--the partner we choose to marry, the course we choose to study in university, the job we decide to take up--all these are usually 'gut decisions'. Which is not such a bad thing, if we know where this feeling comes from. If it is coming from a place of fear, it is not a genuine gut decision. There's no intelligence in fear. A good decision is one that feels right because it aligns with every inclination in our body and soul. A gut decision uses embeded intelligence, distilled from lived experience and the 'experience' from our genes.

The Taoists believe that the mastery of life relies on sustaining the 3 treasures - Jing, Qi and Shen. Jing, often translated as sperm or essence, can be converted into Qi (breath, energy) which gives us life and vigour. And finally the Qi can be transmuted into Shen (spirit). I would like to demystify this whole scheme slightly by simple looking at them as potential energy, kinetic energy and information.

The source of all energy is the sun, which is captured by plants through photosynthesis and converted into chemical potential energy locked in the food we eat. I see this as the Jing. Metabolism converts this energy into energy that we need for everyday life--the kinetic energy for doing work, and internally, for pumping blood and nutrients to all the vital parts of our body. That's the Qi in action. Good management of Jing and Qi, enables us to do productive work which contributes towards improving our minds. Finally, the knowledge and wisdom generated is the Shen of the three treasures.

So you see, the intelligence that is embodied in your 'gut' is the Shen that you have transmuted from the activities of life. If we live life in harmony with the Tao, your life becomes a virtuous feedback loop. Your mind and body is infused with an intelligence, a spirit, which subconsciously produces all the micro-decisions you make every second throughout the day. You just need to get the basic things right by being mindful of all your actions and reactions. That way, data can be fed back into the 'spiritual neural network' to further improve your subconscious intelligence.

If we know how to manage our lives, we can control the energy and information that flows through the body and mind. Knowing the right kind of food to eat, exercising your body to enhance balance, awareness and efficiency and finally doing creative work that promotes learning is a virtuous cycle that spirals your soul to greater heights. If you do this well, you'll understand where all your subconscious decisions come from. You'll know why you have the inclinations that you do.

Creatures of Drama

It's a dramatic day for Malaysian politics today, the outcome of which we are still uncertain of. We pray for the nation's well-being. Malaysia is a blessed country but race and religion remain remain sticking issues that often limit our true potential as a nation.

A nation of diversity is an asset. I liken it to a metal compound where different metallic elements can bond together to create an alloy which is stronger than the individual metals themselves. But unfortunately human beings are not as simple as metallic elements. We have 'irrational' beliefs and aspirations. Evolution has molded us in such a way that we identity easily with other creatures who share the same genetic characteristics. Hence we naturally align with our own racial groups. And our psychology is such that we have to cling on to powerful myths such as religion to give ourselves purpose and meaning.

Even though human beings take pride in its rational achievements--science and technology being one of its greatest triumphs--the motivation of individuals are less noble. Often we are driven by fame and fortune. The success of capitalism rests on the belief that self-interest is the greatest driver of all economic activities. Somehow, magically by each of us pursuing our own personal interests, society as a whole benefits.

By and large, capitalism has worked very well. But it has its excesses, which occasionally causes nations and markets to collapse, bringing hardship to many. A blind belief in capitalism is another form of religion. We always have to check our susceptibility to easy maxims and beliefs. We are extremely fond of certainty and are forever seeking absolute truths to latch on to. Something which religion claims to provide.

If we all treat religion as a serious hobby, the world would certainly be a better place. Hobbies, like sports and other recreational pursuits enrich our lives. But to suggest that religion should be a mere hobby, like our choice of music, is to many, a sacrilege. So we fight wars because of religion and turn politics into a religious struggle. We claim to know what God wants and tries to shape society based on some questionable writings in ancient books.

We fear death so much that any mild comforts brought about by some religious belief are to be defended at all costs. We are imperfect creatures. Hence our society and politics reflect these insecurities and weaknesses. Politics can never be rational because our motivations are not. Our genetic instincts, honed by evolution, dictate many of our actions. We want to procreate and ensure our continuous survival in a world that give us the material and psychological comforts. All our actions flow out from these basic impulses.

And as long as these irrational forces stir within our breasts, politics will always be dramatic. May we have the wisdom to see through it safely.

The Story Within

I'm writing this from a food court of a mall. It's relatively quiet at this hour before the dinner-time crowd comes. I've already had a light vegetarian dinner and now I'm ready to tackle my blog article of the weekend. Let's see what the subject shall be...

I don't like to write about the local political scene because I think a lot of things are pretty obvious to me. Most people like to think that politics is a battle between a good side and an evil one. We bash politicians for the stupid things they say. We like to say so-and-so is useless, and so-and-so is so obviously corrupt. There could some truth in all these speculations. It is good fun, talking about politics, bashing the government of the day for their ineptitude. We also love conspiracy theories because the human mind is wired for dramatic stories. We process stories better, finding raw facts dull and uninteresting.

Which leads me to the topic that I want to write about, which I've alluded to in a previous article about myth. I made the claim that myths are more powerful than facts, because they tend to stick in the mind. The juicier a story is, the less likely your are able to forget it. Not only do you remember its details well, you even embellish them to make them more exciting.

Yuval Noah Harari, author of Sapiens, Homo Deus and 21 Lessons for the 21st Century (3 very entertaining and thought-provoking books) also highlighted the power of myths. To quote him in one of his books:

Homo sapiens is a post-truth species, whose power depends on creating and believing fictions. Ever since the stone age, self-reinforcing myths have served to unite human collectives. Indeed, Homo sapiens conquered this planet thanks above all to the unique human ability to create and spread fictions. We are the only mammals that can cooperate with numerous strangers because only we can invent fictional stories, spread them around, and convince millions of others to believe in them. As long as everybody believes in the same fictions, we all obey the same laws, and can thereby cooperate effectively.

Which is why 'fake news' is such big news these days. We get a lot of fake news because we 'deserve' them. We like to forward 'informative' stories to friends mostly because we want attention. We want to be the teller of an interesting tale, the life of the party. Such is the nature of human beings. Fake news is the equivalent of junk food in the culinary world. Junk food exists because we love to taste sugar, sodium and fat and so food manufacturers engineered 'food' in such a way that they are so conveniently available and so easy to consume that we get addicted to them.

We deserve the fake news, junk food and stupid politicians that govern us because they are merely a reflection of us as a society. Maybe our stories have become stale; we need leaders who are better story tellers. Perhaps a Stalin or a Hitler or an Ayatollah Khomeini? These people brought change because they had more interesting stories to capture everyone's imagination. If we do not overcome gullibility and continue falling for the more interesting story, we can't blame anyone else for our predicament.

Which is why I extolled the beauty of boredom. It is OK, if life is a bit 'boring' sometimes. We don't need to titillate our senses and attract everyone's attention by forwarding yet another unsubstantiated story to our favourite Whatsapp groups. Observe the story of you yourself--all that chatter that goes on in your head. Isn't it interesting why the mind is so restless? Unravel the mystery of this constantly running story. The outer stories that dominate the headlines--they are no different from the one that keeps on repeating in your head, and everybody else's head.

The Mandala and the Hourglass

I'm writing this from Cyberjaya today, where I spend two to three days a week. Being able to work anywhere I choose to gives me a lot of flexibility and joy. I get to change my scenery whenever I feel slightly stale and in the process, receive fresh insights for my work.

One of the rules of working from home or on your own is to treat your workday seriously. I always dress up for work, even if I'm spending the whole day at home. I don't like to work in shorts and T-shirts, as it makes me feel lazy. The key is to not make yourself feel too comfortable. If we feel too cozy, we tend to relax and as a result feel sleepy. Which is why, I kind of like working from a cafe: you are comfortable, yet you are in public and hence you have to keep up a certain public persona. That helps to keep you in focus.

Another trick I use to keep myself on my toes is to time my work sessions. There's an app called Clockify, which I find very useful for timing my daily sessions. At the end of the day, I can see how many hours I have been productive and how much time I spent on which project. By starting the timer, I immediately fall into a state of concentration. Knowing that the clock is ticking keeps me on my toes.

But don't all these things make work a bit stressful? No, I don't find it so because it is important to introduce some rules and rituals to automate good practices. I mentioned in a previous blog article, how devotional religious practices can actually be helpful to intellectuals, who trust their minds too much. We need to put ourselves into a state of productivity easily. Dressing up and starting the timer are physical activities which we can do easily. Once it is done, the rest follows automatically.

Self-discipline is delightful. When time is used productively and the fruits of your labour can be seen, you feel great. Everyday I try to add a little bit more to my store of knowledge and output. As I work, I learn more, which helps me to work even better. It is a virtuous cycle that is very rewarding. And tomorrow I will also wake up early to repeat the same schedule, knowing that I will have an opportunity to grow further.

We are given an opportunity on this earth to do our work. So work, for it is your sacred duty. Only through work can we defeat the forces of death and decay of which the entire universe is subject to.

Like building Tibetan sand mandalas, we must work with the realization that, ultimately everything is impermanent. Beautiful though your works may be, you have to immediately see them crumbling like sands in the hourglass. There is no despair in that. We build, knowing that everything will ultimately be destroyed. That is the cycle of birth and death. Only through whole-hearted participation do we get to transcend it.

A Nose for Happiness

I'm writing this at a cafe in a mall, to the din of a lion dance, performing somewhere nearby. The madness of Chinese New Year is finally coming to an end and I just attended a meeting at the customer's place. Lots of things for me to do in the coming months. I really need to think how to best use my time, and whether I want to take things easy or go for the jugular.

I want to look at this year as a sort of sabbatical for me. A year which I can choose to work on things that help me progress both spiritually and materially. I'm happy with how I've spent the first month of the year. It has been productive and I successfully completed a project while putting a lot of other personal things in order.

This month I will hope to continue the momentum. As I don't get to use a regular office now, I am working a lot from my apartment-cum-library. Happiness is being able to work continuously over lunchtime without being interrupted. One thing I'm very good at is finding tiny little excuses to be happy.

I see a lot of people who will latch on every opportunity to complain or find fault about anything. It could be the food in a restaurant, the service of a waiter, the behavior of a co-worker or the sheer discomfort of the hot weather. I'm annoyingly the opposite. I say 'annoyingly' because this attitude of seeing the positive in things tend to irritate people. I am always trying to make every judgement fair, nuanced and balanced. But in a typical conversation, most people just want to you to listen and agree, not to question their judgement of things.

I'm not fussy about food. My bar for good food is set very low. All food tastes good when one is hungry. So, I only eat when I'm genuinely hungry and I can eat anywhere. Every meal is an opportunity to be happy. So why spoil it over small things?

Happiness come constantly in small doses. When you learn how to sense them when they arrive, you are always in a continuous state of joy. A gluttonous person finds every opportunity to eat; a smoker delays work to have a puff at the stairway. If we can find excuses for all these bad habits, why can't we cultivate the habit of finding excuses to be happy?

Even a breath itself can be a happy one. Every breath is a microdose of happiness. One just needs to develop a sensitivity to it. When one's happiness sense is honed, it is very difficult to feel any other way. You might just discover that you have a good nose for it.

The Value of Devotion

The Chinese Lunar New Year holidays is always a good time to reflect on my Chinese culture and heritage. I see a lot of practices and rituals, which are steeped in history and tradition. For the unbeliever, it is easy to scoff at these pagan superstitious practices. But I think most Chinese treat these things as part of their culture rather than something that has deep spiritual significance.

Those with an intellectual bent might think ritualistic worship has no spiritual merit. I see it slightly differently. I see a lot of value in pursuing the devotional path--especially for intellectuals. And let me explain why.

Having said that, I do agree that blind ritual practices are often mired in superstition and dogma. These are supposedly rules which some 'wise' person of yore has decreed, and which must be observed strictly or the gods would be displeased. Devotees are happy just to adhere to them in the believe that its mere performance would gain them spiritual merits or divine blessing.

Such devotees have an abundance of faith but suffers from a dearth of insight. Both ingredients are required if one were to progress on the spiritual path. The intellectual does not lack knowledge but he is hampered by doubt. In the Buddhist tradition, doubt is considered one of the five hindrances that a meditator has to overcome to progress. The remaining four being sensory desire, ill-will, sloth-and-torpor and restlessness-and-worry.

Unlike the faithful devotee, the skeptical intellectual questions everything--an attitude which is essential in science inquiry. However on the spiritual path, at a certain point in one's practice, it becomes a hindrance to progress because doubt is like a gigantic thought-barrier that lodges in the mind. It conditions the mind to reject what is instinctively true for lack of 'proof'. This is the point where a 'leap of faith' is required to cross the spiritual chasm.

We cannot easily will the mind to unthink a stubborn thought (think of a big pink elephant; now try to erase that from your mind). Doubt is like that. It calcifies portions of the mind, making progress extremely difficult. It has come to this through years of philosophical inquiry and study, which has the side-effect of creating an intellectual ego. Ego is like gravity--it wants to pull things together into solid intractable masses.

You cannot will it away using thinking. This is where devotional practices become useful. Rituals starts from physical movements: we can will our hands and feet into a position of prostration, into a stance of surrender to a higher power. When we worship, we willingly surrender our ego. The mind is proud, so let's start with the body and kowtow before the gods. This is much easier than unthinking the pink elephant.

When properly done, with the right attitude, devotional practices can be quite beautiful. The thinking mind is put aside. Movements, sometimes chants, and the smell of incense guide one into the right mental state--a state of loving openness which one can call grace.

By practicing this regularly, you chip away at your intellectual pride; you unleash the power of devotional love. It melts away all the hardness that has congealed in one's mind making it softer and more malleable. Once the skeptical mind is tamed, that leap of faith can then happen, and one is propelled into the next level spiritual level of insight. Thus is the value of devotion--the path of Bhakti Yoga.

The Inner Dance

Yesterday was a rather hectic day for me, which was why I did not manage to blog. But here I am again, making up for it. Today, I chose to focus on some lighter tasks--refactoring my code and writing documentation.

My blog topic today should also be a light one. I'll probably ramble on about nothing in particular until I stumble onto something...

That is how the mind tends to behave, flitting from one subject to another, without any apparent direction. And every now and then, we'll get sucked into a particular obsession--something that bothers us or something that is a particular bad habit of ours. Breaking the spell of this entrancement is the whole purpose of mindful living.

Mindfulness is usually associated with the capability of the mind. I've mentioned that it is like increasing the internal resolution of the mental eye so that every pixel of though can be observed. There's however another aspect of mindfulness that's equally important: mindfulness that comes from the body.

The human body is a very complex system. It is by and large self-regulating. It secretes the right hormones, antibodies or any other bio-chemical to nudge the body into its optimal state. It heals itself very well if the damage is minor or detected early.

The correct functioning of the human body depends on it sending the right signals to the right part of the body so that the feedback control system can readjust the entire system into an optimal state. Which is why, it tends to do most its good work while we are at sleep. When we are awake, we drive the body into abnormal states to achieve our worldly pursuits. We get engrossed in the world of senses--acting and reacting physically to the people and circumstances around us. More often than not, we abuse our body--stressing it into critical levels, without us realizing it.

We are unaware of it because we are not mindful of our body. We eat food that the body rejects, simply because our lifestyle and ego-driven personalities dictate that certain types of food are what we should be eating. Our everyday lives are usually filled with activities that demand high energy-levels and an alertness to threats. We call it stress. The body's stress response mechanism is honed by evolution to be a temporary response to an emergency situation--like fighting or running away from a predator--the so-called "fight or flight" response. The autonomic nervous system pumps adrenaline into the blood stream which gears us into a heightened state of energy and alertness.

The fight-or-flight response of the body is however only meant to be temporary. Once the danger is averted, the body re-balances itself through its parasympathetic nervous system, which restores the body to its relaxed state. But our modern stress-filled lives force the body to be in a state of fight-or-flight all the time, causing all sorts of chronic problems to our health. The body is fooled into believing that it is constantly in danger, when the real danger is actually its very own emergency stress response.

Depression, obesity, diabetes, stroke, heart-attack and all sorts of stress-induced chronic health issues is the result. All because the body has lost its 'mindfulness'. It's feedback control mechanism has gone haywire because we no longer lead natural lives of balance and harmony with nature. We think binge-watching Netflix series all night is a way to 'relax', when in fact it is further stressing the body with artificial input. The body no longer knows how to respond in a world full of fake signals. What is real and what is not? Never-mind, just put the body in stress mode all the time.

We need to rediscover the intelligence of the body. We have chosen to ignore its voice, causing all sorts of problems. Be mindful of the body. How does it want to move? Which part of it is giving pain signals? Is the food we just ate causing discomfort? Are we ingesting too much artificial substances? Is the body telling us to rest and relax? Is the nagging headache a signal for us to get more sleep? Listen to the body. Find its natural movement.

Natural movement is the basis of exercises like Tai-Chi and Hatha Yoga. It allows the body it reestablish its own natural rhythm--triggering the parasympathetic nervous system to restore bio-chemical balance in the body. Much like a crumpled piece of paper unfolding itself, the body wants to release itself from a stressed state, if given the chance to.

So move, in a way that allow that need for balance to be expressed. There's an inner dance moving to an inner rhythm that is seeking for expression. Find it. Unfold your palms an feel the universe coursing through your veins. Yes, the music of the spheres is playing inside, and all of nature is but a dance. A healthy body simply dances in harmony with it.

The Beauty of Boredom

I've been working a lot from my abode in Cyberjaya lately, because it is quiet and free from distractions. The only 'distractions' I get there are my collection of books. I'm getting into a routine now of 2 hours work before breakfast, followed by a 3-hour break for life maintenance activities and then after that there's a continuous session of work lasting up to 6 hours. That brings me to dinner time. (I usually skip lunch).

Not having to go for lunch is a great time-saver. Your work is not interrupted and best of all, you get to avoid the mad lunch-hour crowd. Two meals a day is more than sufficient for me. My life is simple and 'boring'.

Which brings me to today's topic: boredom. Why do we get bored? Why do we label someone else 'boring' when they don't interest us? What does that say about us?

Boredom is actually very interesting. What causes boredom? Whenever we feel slightly bored, we know that the mind is simply throwing tantrums. It is seeking some sort of quick gratification. A stimuli-lacking brain throws up a feeling in us called 'bored'--it is a signal that prompts us to seek out some new object of pleasure. Just like how the stomach grovels when it needs food, boredom is just mental hunger.

The mind feeds on sensory input. But it abhors input of a similar kind. It seeks variety, fresh information and novel experiences. Once it latches onto something, it revels in its pleasurable sensation until it feels bored again. Monotony bores the mind, no matter how intense and satisfying its first taste is. Imagine the first bite of a delicious piece of cake, or the first sip of cool beer on a hot day--the pleasure disappears as soon as it comes. When one sees that, one understands what Buddhists call 'dukkha' - or the 'unsatisfactoriness' that's inherent in all things.

Boredom is simply a very 'harmless' kind of suffering. I treat boredom itself as a subject of mindfulness whenever it arises. If you do that, you'll realize that even that feeling of boredom is impermanent! It goes away as fast as it arises. By simply acknowledging it, boredom takes a bow and leaves the stage. Impermanence is a sword that cuts both ways. Everything that's pleasurable never lasts but neither do things that are painful. They too go away if we allow them to.

More often than not, we foolishly cling to things because we fail to see their inherent characteristic of impermanence. One might ask: isn't this 'everything is impermanent' philosophy a very pessimistic and negative view of life? Is ignorance bliss? Perhaps, until reality hits you finally: cold and hard.

When one is a surfer, one sees each rising wave as an opportunity to ride, knowing very well that it lasts only momentarily. The surfer feels an equanimity and joy from harnessing the energy of these waves. One doesn't just sit by the shore, lamenting the impermanence of waves. Impermanence is part and parcel of nature's beauty.

When one grasps this essential fact, one can never feel bored. Boredom rises and falls like a wave, to make way for another feeling; and that feeling shall also rise and fall away like the one before and after it.

Just like how one stands by the edge of the sea, admiring the might waves that break on its shore, one can 'enjoy' boredom in a similar way. And such is the beauty of boredom.

Hush goes the Hurricane

This is my first blog post of 2020. Due to various commitments, I missed my session yesterday but no matter, here I am, kicking off my rambling session of the week. It is great to own this small piece of cyber real-estate, where I can say whatever I like to no particular audience in mind.

2019 has been a happy year for the Liverpool Football Club, the team I've supported all my life. We won the European Cup, Super Cup and the FIFA Club World Cup. Looks like this year, barring any unforeseen collapse, they will win the Premier League title.

2019 has been a good year for me discipline-wise. I managed to cultivate a number of good habits. I completed a whole year of weekly blogging; I completely de-cluttered my room and I reestablished an early morning routine of meditation and work. I love morning meditation sessions--it is the best time to practice because the body and mind is fresh and the surroundings are very quiet. I've gained a lot of insights throughout the year. Some of them I've articulated in several blog posts in previous weeks.

Everyday I distill some insights from my meditation session. What I distill inspires me for the rest of the day. I've come to understand how lovingkindness actually helps the concentration practices. It sweeps away all hinderances, clearing the space for the mind to focus better.

All hindrances are like waves that arise and fall away. All thoughts have no hold on the mind if you recognize their ephemeral nature. Sometimes the recognition itself is another thought process which goes away without solidifying into a permanent concept. This is the impermanence that Buddhists talk about. All form is emptiness and emptiness form. Thoughts are the mind's natural tendency to perpetuate concepts from passing phenomena. If we allow them to pass, nothing has a hold on us.

The habit of the mind is to form models, theories and concepts, because the mind is a learning machine. Our AI neural networks copy this architecture. It has a tendency to infer, categorize and simplify. It boxes things into neat compartments. It abhors uncertainty. It must put things in specific buckets.

But nature is not like that. It is fluid, dynamic and has no clear boundaries. We give hurricanes names and treat them like marauding creatures, moving purposefully and menacingly towards inhabited areas. But hurricanes are natural processes. It has no "eye" as such, even though we like to place such ephemeral things exactly on the map. Just like the Buddhist concept of anatta - "no-self". The self within us is just a conceptual focal point for all the processes that happen to be going on in the body and mind. It is merely a "centre of gravity" that has no physical presence--useful for practical purposes, but often outlive its usefulness by perpetuating a personal ego unnecessarily.

In engineering, concepts and models are good because they are the basis for building large systems. The programmer thinks in terms of objects and tiers and frameworks. Such things only exist in the mind. When the computer is executing, it is basically semiconducting substances reacting to changes in voltages and currents, which are nothing but ephemeral energy states.

Likewise, we live life maintaining a specific image or ego, as if it is who we really are. We are nothing but a passing hurricane, all wet-and-wild for a momentary period in space and time--fluctuations in the weather system that cause pockets of instabilities here and there. Everything balances out in the end. No hurricane lasts forever.

And here I am, gathering thoughts into words, to be etched onto this blog--a passing hurricane moment, to disappear into cyberspace with the click of the "Publish" button!

A Happy Breath

This has to be my last post for 2019. I have blogged without fail every week for more than a year now. I love the discipline that I impose on myself and the weekly schedule is just right for me.

I usually blog on every New Year's Eve, but I'll blog a day earlier this year. I don't want to reflect too much on the year that passed. One thing that I can take pleasure in is the fact that I've fully utilized my time to acquire new skills and to continue exploring different areas of interest. That has always been my sole purpose in life. As long as I'm learning, I am living life to the fullest.

As you grow other, many things do not matter so much anymore. Things that seemed important to you in your younger days now seem like childish pursuits. Perhaps years from now, I will also see what I'm doing now as infantile. That is not such a bad thing for to be able to do so means that I am still growing.

Let me pose myself a 'stupid' question: Of what use is all the knowledge that has been acquired?

What is the use of knowledge that has no relevance to one's career? This presupposes the fact that what's important in life is 'success' in the form of worldly achievements--a high paying job or lucrative business, even fame in one's chosen field. That is 'success'. And having attained that, one dies with a smile on one's lips.

Isn't that the goal of life? No, some may say. The end-goal is 'happiness'. All worldly success brings some measure of happiness--that can't be doubted. How else can one attain happiness?

Let me, just for the fun of it, propose the simplest definition of happiness: To be happy is to be able to breathe well.

Doesn't that set a very low bar for happiness? If it is to be taken seriously, doesn't that mean most people are happy? Very clearly, that's not the case. What kind of definition is this? Surely I can't be serious. Can I?

Let's examine the breath. If one is breathing, one is alive. To breathe is to live. It is the simplest and often overlooked human activity and yet it is the most important. If you can't breathe, you can't be happy. That much is clear.

Now pay attention to the breath. Mindfulness of the breath is one of the simplest forms of meditation. The breath is always there and it is the most obvious sign of life. It is also the best indicator of our state of health. The flow and movement of the breath is latent with information about our internal states. If you know how to 'read' your breath, you will know so much more about yourself.

Doctors are trained to use the stethoscope to listen to your heartbeat and breathing for indications of sickness. You too can observe the breath to know not only your physical state but your mental one too. You don't need an external instrument to do so: you are the instrument. You--your body and your mind can observe the breath and sense its every subtle signal.

Breathe in. Observe every tiny quality of that in-breath. Breathe out and watch the characteristics of its flow. What do you feel? Do you sense anxiety? Boredom? Impatience? With just one breath, you have a sample of your entire universe within. Take another breath--do you feel doubt? Do you not feel a lot of things in this simple activity of observing your breath?

Imagine a loved one in your mind. Observe your breathing. Is there a certain warmth that emanates from within? When you are in a loving mood, doesn't your breath reflect it? Everything distills to the breath. The breath contains the essence of living.

As you breathe, you gain realizations. The world 'inspiration' comes the Latin world inspirare -- to "blow into, breathe upon". The spirit of life is the breath. The literal meaning of the word 'nirvana' is 'blown out' or 'extinguished' -- as in a flame being blown out. The metaphor of the spirit-breath is everywhere. Every inhalation and exhalation is a microcosm of a lifetime. We are reborn again with every in-breath, and dies with every out-breath.

The building block of a life is a single breath. The quality of that breath determines the quality of your life. You are nothing but a summation of your breaths. Hence, to to be happy, you need to breathe well. Breathe with the fullness and totality of your entire being. Your whole life culminates in your present moment of breath. The breath is the karmic fulcrum that takes in the weight of the past and launches the future. By perceiving your breath mindfully, you are able to make the necessary adjustments that aligns your actions to be in harmony with the flow of the universe.

Now, is it too far-fetched then to say that to be happy, one has to breathe well? Breathing well means being able to read every signal that's embedded in that breath and allowing the body-instrument to make the necessary adjustments to optimize it.

So breathe and be grateful that you are able to do so. Be a master of your breath by being mindful of it. For it is in the breath that the secret of happiness lies. You don't have to look far and wide for the key to happiness. It is already there within you. Every breath is a moment of insight. So, from this moment onwards, take a breath.

Take a happy breath.

On Lovingkindness

Lovingkindness is an interesting word, rarely used except in Buddhist literature, as a translation of the the Pali word, 'metta'. I"ve often wondered: Why not just love, or kindness? Why the compound word, loving-kindness?

Etymologically, 'lovingkindness', was used in the King James Bible as the English translation of the Hebrew word 'Chesed'. There, it is often used to denote God's grace and charitable kindness towards its chosen people and vice-versa.

Love alone, especially the romantic kind, is targeted and directional. Lovingkindness is open--like the outward radiation of the sun's warmth, bringing benevolence to whomever it touches.

Kindness alone, is often 'selfish', done to elicit a kind of reciprocal reward. Lovingkindness on the other hand is soft and yielding, so undemanding on its recipient. It opens up the heart like an unfurling flower. In the Buddhist practice of metta-bhavana or the cultivation of lovingkindness, the practitioner learns to direct good wishes to firstly himself and then to people close to him, and then moving the circle outwards towards strangers and even enemies, culminating in its final stage towards all sentient beings in the universe.

This outward radiation process is very good for the mind, which has a tendency to be ego-driven and self-centered. Doing the practice of metta bhavana is like bending backwards to stretch your back, after a long day of being hunched over the desk. It brings balance to the soul. It dissolves congealed hatred and fear. It shines a light into the dark corners of the mind.

It is like smiling warmly from within, and then welling up onto the lips, giving the face a healthy flush. What a wonderful practice this is. Often, the beginner meditator alternates between breath and lovingkindness meditation. These practices kneads and shapes the mind into something that's soft and luminous, allowing one to see things in its true essence.

When one is infused with lovingkindess, all actions are harmonious with the world. Obstacles melt away because you are fluid and flexible in your actions, always forging a creative way forward. With lovingkindness, one is at one with the world.

The Energy of Life

This December has been a rather hectic month for me so far because it is the month for year-end social gatherings. Everyone is in a good mood when Christmas approaches. The weather is rainy and cool, which is conducive for heart-warming drinking sessions with old friends.

This month is also a transition month for me as I'll be trying to embark on something different next year. It can be challenging as I am tackling so many things alone, relying on whatever little skillsets and contacts I have. But life goes on. I am always focusing on the task at hand and I have faith that any path that I take will bring fresh and life-changing insights.

Just the other day, M. was asking me why she is always jealous of other people's success. She felt a bit disappointed with herself. I told her that it is natural for feelings of envy or jealousy to arise. Emotions are like waves in the ocean. They will rise and fall, driven by the wind and gravity. The important thing is not to allow any of them to turn into a tsunami. That is why surrender and acceptance is vital. Emotions rise and by not dwelling on them, they simply fade away.

I advised M to harness the energy of that wave and turn it into something positive instead. Whenever jealousy arises, it means there's energy and movement that can be harnessed--like how a sailing ship takes advantage of the winds and tides to sail to its destination. Do not waste this energy. Jealousy is just an indication that we are diverting our inner energy into something that's not productive. Perhaps, other people's success can motivate you to work even harder? That's a positive use of that energy.

Hatred and jealousy are wasted energy. Detect them early and divert them into position action on your part. Take comfort in the fact that you have emotions, which is merely a reflection of your energetic potential. You have all the passionate forces of life stirring within you. Be glad that it is so. You are simply alive.

The Might of Myths

I've been thinking of writing about the topic of myth for a while. What are myths and why are they so significant to humans?

In the old days, myths involving stories of warriors, gods and heavenly creatures are intertwined with the everyday lives of people. They explain the success and failure of crops, the rise and fall of nations, the life and death of humans, who have very little control over the mysterious forces of nature, which governed their destinies.

Part of the appeal of religion are the myths about their founders and their conception of eschatology--the destiny of believers and unbelievers when the end of times come. Myths have the power to imbue human lives with a kind of cosmic meaning.

In modern day usage, the word myth has acquired some negative connotations: it implies some amount of falsehood. When someone says, 'it's a myth'--that means it's factually untrue. But we've not outgrown our need for myths even though we have gained some mastery over nature with our knowledge of science and technology. Myths have now incarnated into conspiracy theories and urban legends. And they are amplified virally over cyberspace, blurring the lines between reality and falsehood.

But why do myths have such an enduring appeal to us? I think it's related to what I discussed last week: the mind latches on to anything that is 'interesting'. The mind cannot store isolated facts well--they need to be woven together into stories. Then only do they stick.

Myths are like software architectures or frameworks. Programmers are familiar with that. For example, web programmers know about the Model-View-Controller architecture or MVC. By adhering to the principles of MVC, your code is more organized, easier to scale and maintain. It is a kind of self-discipline, which helps to organize complexity. So are myths.

Religion rely on myths to guide and inspire the conduct of its believers. Not many Christians would be able to grasp the Neo-platonistic concepts in St Augustine's writings but almost everyone can identify with story of the Passion and the many parables of Jesus' teachings. Myths have an emotional appeal. It is the most effective form of mass education.

Any interesting anecdote that is recounted many times have the potential to become a myth. After a while, people do not care where it originated. All myths belong to the public domain. They lodge in the collective unconscious forever. Myths are the clothes-line that allow 'facts' to hang together.

All master mnemonists apply the same trick: to remember a long string of items or numbers, they turn them into visual objects and invent a narrative to weave the sequence of things together. People remember things well not because they have good memory brain-cells but simply because they have a good imagination for inventing stories.

That is power of myths. Once absorbed by the mind, they are like a drug that's injected into the bloodstream. They determine the course of our future actions. So take stock of your myths. Remember, myths are always mightier than facts.

The Meaning of Monotony

This is another typical vegetarian Monday for me. I've been doing this routine for many years. Routines give life a certain propulsive power. I've discussed about this in a previous blog article. Today I'm going to talk about another aspect of routine life--that it is monotonous and unmemorable.

The way our memory works is that it remembers novelties. We are hardwired that way. We remember things and events that stand out from the rest. If your everyday life involves you pursuing the same routines everyday, you'll find the familiar experience of time passing very fast. No, time always plods on at the same pace. Just that when there are no significant events to remember, all we see is an expanse of blandness. We mark time by events. If you punctuate your life with many small memorable events throughout the day, you'll find that your day can become very long.

You typical day in the office feels short, because all you remember is you going and leaving the office. But if you had spent the day attending a conference overseas where you got to sit through many talks and meet many new people throughout the world, you'll find that the day felt pretty full. A three-day conference certainly feels longer than 3 routine days in the office. The difference in our perception of time is just the novelty of our experience.

The key is novelty. The mind is programmed for it. The mind also gets familiar with things very fast. If you attend conferences every week, you'll will find it difficult to tell one from another. Time would fly again. Your year will pass in a blur of conferences.

Every letter that I type here has a timestamp--it occurred at a specific moment in in my lifetime. My blog has become the best chronicler of my mental life. Some article are more memorable than others. But again, because I've written so many of them, I can only remember the significant ones. The important thing though is to write and not to dwell on them like static monuments.

As long as you are acting positively in the world, you are leading a meaningful life--even if your life seems like a monotonous one. The pistons in an engine only move up and down but it propels the vehicle forward. As long as we act and live every moment of our lives with intent and purpose, we are living life to the fullest. The young mother who feels tied down with the endless chore of changing diapers and feeding her baby everyday is soon amazed to find how fast her child grows. In the 'blink of an eye', he is a young boy, and then a rebellious teenager and finally fully grown man, ready to start his own family.

The monotony of every life, if pursued with purpose, always bear results. Nothing is duller than watching a tree grow but grow it does and soon it will reward you with a bounty of fruits. It is the monotonous rhythm of the beat that binds a musical piece together. Without its regularity, everything falls apart. So do not lament the humdrum existence of your everyday life: listen to the rhythm of its monotony and how it alone binds everything into a meaningful whole.

A Soliloquy on Sleep

I didn't write yesterday because I was rushing off some work which I had promised a client. Only just now did I finally sent the thing off. My head is throbbing from the lack of sleep these last couple of days. So I'm going to take it easy for the rest of the day and hopefully go to bed earlier tonight.

It is a great feeling to have spent the day working hard. Rest is sweeter when well-earned. Rest is important for the mind because a lot of things require sub-conscious processing. I don't normally rush into decisions whenever I'm doing something because I know the mind takes time to come up with the right answer. You just allow it to marinate with all the necessary facts and information. At some point, the solution will pop up.

Sleep is important both to the mind and the body. All self-healing happens during sleep. The body has a natural intelligence and when given the opportunity it will readjust itself to correct imbalances. But you must give it the opportunity to do so. The intelligence of the body is hardest at work during sleep-time. It knows that we are in an inactive state, and it can start doing maintenance work--very much like how our highways and computer systems get fixed late at night when there are no users.

I always find it strange that we consider sleeping and waking up the following day a given. Why are we so confident that we'll wake up at all? Doesn't death sneak up on us like sleep? And when we sleep, are we not yielding ourselves to the higher powers that could giveth and taketh?

So wake up every morning with a sense of gratitude that you are alive--to rise smelling the fresh morning air and be given a chance to see your loved ones another day. Kahlil Gibran expresses it most beautifully in the Prophet:

To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving; To rest at noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy; To return home at eventide with gratitude; And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise on your lips.

Yet how casually do we waste our days when we know that its store is finite. We have no choice but to yield to sleep every night for life imposes its mandatory cycle of death and resurrection that we may pursue our waking hours with a renewed vigour everyday. How sadly can this go wrong for some, who despite being blessed with fame and beauty still find life unwelcoming.

We must also pursue life with the humility that we are all vulnerable to the vicissitudes of life. And that no one is immune from the forces of despair and depression which could also creep up unseen on us, as quietly as sleep.

Perhaps the best weapon against the forces of depression is an attitude of daily gratitude. Whatever little we have, is a blessing still. We slept and woke up alive. And that is all that matters.

A Learned Life

The greatest joy in life is the joy of learning. If I have any purpose in life at all, it is to learn. To learn is to live (it's probably the title of a blog post, I wrote more than a decade ago).

I measure the success of my day by how much I've learned. And in moments like this, just before bedtime, I reflect back on the day: what did I learn? Only when we learn do we stem the forces of decay that gnaw unceasingly at our souls. If we learn something everyday, it means that we've grown, even though we are a step closer to our graves.

What constitutes learning? Learning is the endless process of classification, assimilation and transformation of thoughts. Every action and reaction in our everyday life stirs our minds and reorganizes the constituents within. Like Tetris blocks falling into its rightful slot on the rising pile of rectangular blocks below.

Every success and setback experienced in life is a self-teaching moment. The material world sculpts us with the chisel of joy and pain--each blow reveals another layer of realization from the inner depths of our souls. We speak of souls, and minds and the world as if they are tangible forms, subject to our manipulations. These are mere illusions, yet still we need them as we need avatars to play virtual games, without which we have no material metaphors to hold on to.

I write, and every word that I materialize on this page is my response to the challenge which the universe poses to me. It kneads me into a certain shape, and I type these words to reassert my form. And in that dialectic between me and the universe, learning occurs. Insight arises.

And that's how we progress everyday. To challenge and be challenged. To participate in that eternal struggle that regenerates life at every moment. And true learning happens when we encounter the world this way. All learning has to be earned. And that is greatest lesson of life.

Walk as Worship

Here I am again on a Monday evening, staring at a blank page, trying to figure out what to write. But no matter, as always, I'll just take my fingers for a walk.

To walk leisurely is one of the greatest pleasures in life. My parking spot at the office basement is a distance away from the lift but I always enjoy the leisurely walk towards it. When going to a meeting anywhere, I often have a habit of parking a distance away from the actual destination. This is because the short walk from the car gives me time to think and help put myself into the right frame of mind before a meeting.

I think walking is also one of the healthiest exercises for cubicle creatures like us. It relaxes the body and helps circulation; it makes us body-aware and frees us from living too much in our heads. Buddhists are familiar with the practice of walking meditation, which is often done to break the monotony of its sitting counterpart. To walk slowly, observing the movement of the heels and the the pressure of feet on the ground helps to slow down our hurried pace of life.

I remember my time in Singapore when I was commuting by bus everyday to work. Singapore is very pedestrian friendly and I enjoyed alighting at the bus-stop outside Liang Court, along River Valley road. From there, I had the pleasure of walking across a bridge over the Singapore River towards my office at Central Mall. That was a very happy time in my life. I had my Walkman with me, and was listening to audiobooks everyday.

To walk is to engage in the simplest physical activity that one can do. To me, it is an act of worship, of participating in the flow of the universe. Only when you are in the throes of rhythmic locomotion are you at one with everything.

Isn't walking also the cheapest form of exercise that anyone of us can pursue? You don't need fancy exercise outfits or expensive gym memberships. And the best thing is that you can incorporate it into your daily life. Do like what I do: just park further away from the office. Or just take the train, which would surely involve a lot of walking.

Being able to walk is actually a great blessing which many of the old and disabled are not able to enjoy. So be grateful that you've been blessed with this gift. The simple and graceful act of walking is a miracle of motion which our most advanced robotics are still struggling to reproduce. But enough of talk. Let's just walk it.