Sunday, November 20, 2005

Spiritual Architecture

Spiritual Architecture


The biggest obstacle faced by anyone along the spiritual path is the intellectual ego. A person who is religious can easily learn to become outwardly charitable in his conduct but as he progresses spiritually, he begins to acquire a certain pride in his spiritual knowledge; he begins to think of himself as morally and intellectually superior to other people. And this becomes the biggest obstacle to his further progress.

The ego works in many devious ways. At its most basic form, it manifests itself as physical and emotional selfishness. It wants to acquire more and more for itself. But as a person learns to become more selfless through religious practices (at least on the material level), the ego then attempts to find a new vehicle for perpetrating itself.

So it creates a new ego-center, a mental form or identity, which it slowly strenghtens until the person becomes completely identified with it. "I am a religious person", he tells himself. And suddenly those who do not choose the path he took are seen as "lesser beings"--lost souls who have to be led to the right path.

This person, driven by his new ego vehicle, begins to find "pleasure" in criticizing other people who do not conform to his view of life. He embarks on a crusade against the supposed evils of the world. He elevates himself to a position of self-importance and takes it as his mission to save the world. He thinks he is right and others are wrong.

We must always be aware that the religious path is one that has to be tread very carefully because it can be a very slippery one indeed. Once a person gains certain spiritual insights, he begins to think he has achieved the ultimate. I've likened it to the experience of first love. The world suddenly reveals itself in dazzling beauty and clarity. He does not believe he could be wrong, or others could also be right, simply because it feels so damn right inside.

Throughout history, many religions in the world have bred such individuals. These individuals are more attached to the external forms of their religion because it gives them a strong sense of identity--something that the ego loves. The ego will do anything to defend its identity, even to the extent of killing others.

Every individual will have moments ini his life when he awakens to the spiritual calling. Some encounter such moments during times of crisis; others are driven by a deep yearning from inside which they cannot explain. And when that happens, the old ego realizes that it faces annihilation; so it creates and latches on to a new intellectual or mental identity. An old label is cast off only for a new one to be acquired. And the person progresses no more because his consciousness is now restricted by his new "religious" identity.

All organized religions are "best practices" or "frameworks" that have worked well at certain times and places in history to guide people along the spiritual path. They are like the scaffoldings that need to be in place for the construction of a building to be possible. But we must always remember not to confuse the scaffolding with the building.

Ultimately, when the building is done, it does not really matter what type of scaffolding was used in its construction. We will then realize that, all this while, we have been constructing the same building, the same house or worship, the same divine temple, because all of us, either consciously or unconsciously, have been guided from within, by the same spiritual architecture.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Beginning, Middle and End

Beginning, Middle and End


It looks like the problem I had with my notebook PC wasn't thorough solved by HP; I had to return it back to the service center because it was still crashing on me. They'll need another 3 days to get it fixed. And hopefully they can fully pinpoint the real problem now.

So, I'm handicapped again without my computer. But luckily, my Sun workstation is now working beautifully after I've connected my new Samsung LCD monitor to its NVIDIA graphics card. Now I have a professional Java development environment set up. It'll keep me occupied while my notebook is being fixed.

Lots of blog ideas have been floating around in my head for the past few days; I just didn't have the time to sit and write them down with all the problems that I had with my notebook and other worldly matters that I had to attend to.

Every word, every sentence we write is an act of creation. That is why I see writing as a wonderful thing. Something intangible from the mind is brought into existence through the act of writing and by doing so, powerful forces are set into motion.

The mind is always gushing with ideas; if you do not give them expression, its flow will be impeded. The more you write, the more ideas will come to you because it is the natural state of the mind to be creative, provided that you make the effort to create. Once the creative wheels start spinning, it's difficult to make them stop; they will only gather momentum.

So in everything we do, it is important that we allow ourselves some easy "latch-on" points. Get started first. Tackle the details later. A lot of people get blocked before they even start doing anything because of anxiety and doubt. Write the first sentence. One sentence. I'm sure we can all do that. And then see what happens. Like what Hemingway advised: "All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence you know."

Whenever I'm preparing a new Powerpoint presentation, I'll always start with an agenda slide: Point one: Introduction; point two: whatever the subject is; point three: Summary. Everything has a beginning, middle and end. That's the rhythm of the universe: rising, peaking, falling. Movies, plays, books--every work of art follows this simple structure.

This three-act structure is good because it gives the audience a natural sense of comfort. They get eased slowly into the subject through the introduction; then they are served the heavy "main course" before everything is finally tied up nicely in the end. You create a sense of expectation (beginning), you fulfill it (middle) and then at the end you remind the audience how all the expectations have been fulfilled (end). That leaves the audience with a sense of satisfaction.

A presentation usual fails when the presenter does not sense this natural rhythm in the audience. Sometimes they stretch the introduction too long, creating a prolonged sense of expectation and then finding themselves short of time to fulfil it. Or sometimes they over-stretch the middle part when the attention of the audience has already reached saturation point and is expecting an ending.

Well, maybe I'm already over-stretching my point in this particular blog entry! Time to end it. And remember, every ending is also a beginning to something new--and the creative wheels continue spinning...

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Worldly Matters

Worldly Matters


I have been occupied with more "worldly" matters for the past couple of days: My notebook PC had been crashing on me intermittently. Even after I had reinstalled the operating system, it was still giving me the blue screen of death. My worst fear was confirmed after I sent it to the HP service center: it was a hardware problem. I had to replace the system board. Forked out about a thousand ringgit to get the thing fixed. Even had to pay extra for same-day "express service".

Anyway, I'm now typing these words on the "new" system. With my old hard-disk completely wiped out, I had to go through the hassle of reinstalling everything again from scratch. But fortunately I do keep proper backups of all my work. Well, maybe it's good to start with a clean slate again; like what I've blogged something back before: a good way to clear one's mind is to clear one's surroundings first.

I also have another new toy with me: A spanking new, mean-looking Ultra 20, Sun's new 2.6GHz Opteron-based workstation running Solaris, which was loaned to me for a project. Solaris used to be my preferred working environment (I still have a Sparcstation 5 workstation gathering dust in my bedroom) but it's been a long time since I lay my hands on a Unix machine.

I'm a bit embarassed to admit that I was (and in many ways still am), a PC illiterate--I never learned how to use a PC until my third year at the university! And when I started working, I was doing development work on Unix platforms. So I never had a chance to work with PCs. For a long time, I actually wrote proposals using the character-based vi editor!

Only when I started doing regional work and was required to travel quite often did I start using a Windows laptop. Since then I haven't really touched a Unix system. All I ever do these days is produce thick Word documents and fancy Powerpoint presentations. I suppose that's what "consultants" do.

So for a change, I intend to start polishing up my Unix and Java skills again for my next project. The Sun workstation will be my second home from now onwards.

My trip next week to Sri Lanka has been postponed. I was actually looking forward to go there to sample the atmostphere before the Presidential Election. But now, I'm not sure when I can go there again--there could be violence and curfews after the elections. We'll see.I guess I'll take the coming week to attend to some worldly matters: bills, banking, invoicing, shopping etc etc. I need to get a large LCD monitor too...

Yesterday, I was out for meetings and later had a few rounds of beer with friends until midnight. So I allowed myself the luxury of waking up a bit late this morning. But tomorrow, it'll be back to my 4am routine again. I'm beginning to look forward now to those sublime hours of silence before dawn--that womb of darkness from whence a new day breaks, slowly, releasing its weight of worldly cares on my stirring mortal frame...

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

The Householder and the Renunciate

The Householder and the Renunciate


It's good to be able to blog early in the morning for a change. I've already worked for two hours since I woke up at 4am, and now I can hear the neighbourhood stirring: cars starting, reversing, mothers fussing over their school-going kids, the bustle of morning joggers and people walking their dogs.

The stillness of the morning is already broken but I'm glad to have awakened early today to enjoy at least two sacred, uninterrupted hours, graced in between by the pleasant call for prayer from the nearby mosque. It's good to be reminded daily of one's obbligations to the Almighty, especially early in the morning before one is overwhelmed by the maddening stress of a new working day.

It is a great challenge for the modern working man or woman to balance the material with the spiritual. But it is this balance that is the whole purpose of our living. A material life unguided by spiritual principles makes us feel empty, unsatisfied and aimless.

Yes, we will all have our material goals in life, but it will inevitably make us feel like we are living in a rat race--always competing, fighting and compromising on our core values. We achieve something--a cushy job, a house, a car--but yet we still feel unsatisfied.

Why is that so? Maybe we need a life partner; so we get one. And then we realize that it comes with a heavy price: you need a better paying job, a bigger car and a bigger house to support the family that you have built. It consumes your entire life. Happiness is suddenly limited to the "quality time" that you get to spend with your loved ones during weekends and holidays when the rest of the world is also trying to do the same thing. So the whole mass of humanity spills into shopping malls, parks and resorts during this time. Quality time.

Can a householder's life be guided by spiritual principles? Most certainly. I admire the values expounded in the Tirrukural--an ancient Tamil manual for virtuous living. There's an English translation written by the late Gurudeva, called the Weaver's Wisdom. Precept No. 45 says:
If a man masters the duties of married life,
what further merits could monkhood offer him?
No. 50:
He who rightly pursues the householder's life here on Earth
will be rightfully placed among the Gods there in Heaven.


By being a householder and through caring for one's family, one learns how to share and to love selflessly. These are virtues that are difficult for the sanyasin or renuntiate to learn. The renuntiate has to make extra efforts to master these virtues because he is not thrust into an environment that demands it. A family man is always thinking about the needs of his family. His ego, at least, expands to embrace a wider circle--his family.

The challenge that a householder faces is pressing material needs which makes him forget his spiritual roots. Sometimes neverending family strive caused by clashing demands between husband and wife can also knock one off course. Or one party's overpoweringly ego could warp the ecosystem of love in the family, to suit the person's selfish needs. The family then becomes a tool to be manipulated to feed the person's own ego. It is not a process of expansion anymore but one of sucking and draining. That is the danger that the householder has to watch out for.

The householder has to take these as spiritual challenges that help him to uncover the inner essence of his being--like the process of extracting precious minerals from dirt. Deep down inside, we all have a spiritual core. It is simply covered by the soil of selfish desires, which seeks to accumulate material things and to build false images of oneself.

One has to choose one's path to purge oneself of this outer dross. If you are a householder, then make full use of your opportunity to cultivate the virtues of selfless love. But beware of the pitfalls. If you are a sanyasin, dive deep into your inner core, and let love shine forth from within, like a divine lamp dispelling the darkness in the world.

Friday, November 04, 2005

The Happiness List

The Happiness List


I've been starting my day very early for the past two weeks, waking up at 4.00am in the morning to start work. I think I'm going to try and keep this routine as I find that the early morning hours have been very productive ones; the mind is completely fresh and you are able to clock in four hours of undistracted work.

With four hours of work in the bag, even before the day begins, I feel extremely good for the rest of the day. Nothing makes me happier than having a productive day. But hang on, life isn't all about work, is it?

Now, let me think: what else makes me feel happy? Simple things make me happy. Let me make a happiness list: a morning jog, a nice glass of teh tarik, kopi tubruk and Indomie for breakfast in Jakarta, a movie at Block M Plaza, beer with friends, a nice bottle of red wine, a Liverpool win, a train journey and of course, a good book for company. There are certainly more in my happiness list but the point I want to make is that, these are usually simple things which don't cost a lot of money.

What about money itself? Well, I do feel happy whenever I see money credited into my bank account but I try not to work consciously for it. It's more fun if money is just treated as a "by-product" of what I do. So, receiving money from work always comes as a "pleasant surprise".

Having to run my own business, I do need to be conscious of money all the time. It can be a challenge to be constantly dealing with money-related matters and yet not being a slave to it. But I try to imagine business as a sport with profit and loss merely a "score" that I keep. Of course, you must also play all out to win!

We need to give ourselves lots of reasons and excuses to be happy. The longer the list, the better. Everytime you encounter something that makes you happy, you remind yourself how blessed you are. Finishing a blog entry always makes me happy too. When I checked my Blogger statistics, I realized that over the past two years that I have blogging, I've been blessed with happiness a total of 764 times. What a wonderful way to accumulate happiness!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

My Wonderful Co-Worker

My Wonderful Co-Worker


It's a week-long break for most people this week due to the double celebrations of Deepavali and Lebaran. I'm still maintaining my "batch processing" momentum, at least for another week. Perhaps after this project, I'll take it easy for the rest of the year.

I have not been able to blog that regularly this year due to my heavy workload. It's going to be like this at least for another year. Oh, how I wish I could blog everyday like what I used to do in Jakarta!

But I'm back in KL now and after more than a year, I've gotten used to the life here again. Life here poses a different kind of challenge to me: Keeping my stress level down, for instance. Especially when I'm driving. In Jakarta, I didn't have to drive because taxis and three-wheeler bajajs were cheap and available everywhere. Here in KL, one has no choice but to drive.

The traffic jams in Jakarta are much worst of course, but Indonesian drivers are a lot more patient than their Malaysian counterparts. Enough has been written about Malaysians' bad driving habits and I don't wish to repeat them here. These days, I always have an audiobook with me everytime I'm driving; not a single minute of my time on the road is wasted. So I'm not complaining.

To lead a stress-free life, one needs to learn how to let go. Most of the things in this world are beyond our control; so you just do what you can and let the universe decide the outcome. The unhappy people that I often meet are those who tend to find fault with others. Why should it be our problem when it is other people's fault?

We tend to forget that we all have a wonderful "assistant" at our disposal: God. Let Him be the judge of people's actions. Just "delegate" all your displeasures to Him and trust that He will do the needful. All you have to do is to concentrate on doing what you are supposed to do and God will take care of the nitty-gritty details for you--things like reward and punishment. This is exactly the principle behind karma yoga--work without any attachment to the fruits of your labour.

Sometimes I just imagine myself to be a worker in the factory production line: I'm assigned to do that one thing that I'm supposed to do. I just concentrate on achieving quality on my particular portion of the work and then pass it on to the next person on the assembly line: God.

If there's anyone who should be thoroughly stressed, it's God. Tireless, uncomplaining and eternally creative--how fortunate we all are to have a co-worker like Him!

Saturday, October 29, 2005

My Personal Classroom

My Personal Classroom


Experience is a great teacher. We all know that. Unfortunately this does not necessary mean that we are always able to extract the right lesson from every experience.

How then do we ensure that we gain the most from each and every experience that we encounter in life?

The best way to learn is to consciously play both the roles teacher and student. Learning and teaching are inseparable experiences--we absorb our lessons better when we learn with the intention to teach.

If you go to a lecture with the intention to just listen, your mind will probably be able to absorb 50% of the content; but if you go into a class knowing that you have to immediately relate what you have learnt to a friend who is not able to attend, your mind functions in a completely different mode: you have to understand and also figure out how to articulate what you have understood. That makes you learn much more effectively.

Similarly, we understand something better if we immediately apply what we have learned. Teaching is just another form of application. Learn and teach. If you have no one to listen to your teaching, then teach youself!

Which is why I am always in a "preaching mode" here in my blog :-) It is certainly not my main intention to dispense my half-cooked words of wisdom to the world--I am merely trying to learn and internalize what I'm writing about. I turn my life's experiences into lessons and then attempt to lecture myself into understanding.

My blog is my personal classroom, not a public rostrum. Here I am both the teacher and the student. But anyone is welcome to join the class, if they are inclined to do so. Well, oftentimes the student can also teach the teacher a thing or two. Learning is a two-way street.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Wavelets in His Mind

Wavelets in His Mind


I have a habit of seeing everything in terms of energy. Every interaction between people is an exchange of energy. Love is an energy; so is hatred and anger. Every thought that occurs in the mind is like a small wavelet within a larger wave, which is our existence-- ripples in a vast ocean of energy.

Energy can be accumulated, channelled, transformed, transmuted, focussed and redirected. The wavelets of our thoughts can be built up through concentration, accumulating energy through the power of the will and through other external sources of energy to acquire the power of tsunamis.

Energy can be used for creation or destruction. How we use our personal store of energy determines the quality of our lives. Even if such an energy does not really exist physically in the real world, I will still find it a useful model to deal with the world. It's a convenient way of thinking.

Love is a special energy which we transmit to a specific person or group in a way that is nurturing and binding. This energy can however vary in terms of quality: love can range from lustful possessiveness to unconditional love. The love between lovers usually lies somewhere in the middle of this spectrum.

Selfish love will never produce a stable relationship because one party is draining all the energy from the system. This inbalance will always cause the system to collapse. Some relationships/systems oscillate wildly, maintained by a fragile balance because both parties are jostling for power and are constantly testing each other's tolerance.

A healthy relationship between a man and a woman is one where the energy transmitted by both parties combines, synergizes and transmutes into something higher and more refined; it becomes a source of radiance. This energy spills over to the people around them--family and friends--enveloping them with a nurturing warmth.

A person with mental strengh has the ability to channel his energy to a specific point or purpose. It makes his actions more effective. Such a strength is built through the power of concentration, through the precision of of his thoughts. The more precise our thoughts are, the clearer our intentions, the purer the energy transmitted.

At some point in our spiritual development, we will come to the realization that from a macroscopic perspective, our lives are but tiny fluctations in a universal ocean of energy. We will come to understand that what we call God is but the source of emanation of this universal energy. We are, in the larger scheme of things, small wavelets in His infinite mind.

We shall all rise and flicker momentarily--this local agglomeration of matter, space and time--to return back to that infinite ocean, that is our source.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Perfect Pebbles

Perfect Pebbles


I haven't emerged from my "batch processing" mode yet but I guess I can spare half-an-hour to deposit my thoughts in cyberspace. Sometimes when you are facing the computer screen with your fingers poised over the keyboard, you don't exactly know what to type. The only way to kick-start your thinking process is to just let your fingers do the thinking...

Pebbles. Smooth pebbles. Why are pebbles on the river bed so smooth?

Well, of course they are smooth because they have been eroded by the incessant currents of the river over a long period of time. Probably these pebbles had very sharp jagged edges in the beginning, but the torrents of time had already smoothened all their roughness.

The river needed a lot of "patience" to tame these rough pebbles. It had to find ways to "work around" them initially. But because of its infinite patience, it slowly chipped away at their protruding edges. The pebbles had to suffer "pain" from this incessant friction but ultimate they had to learn the way of the river. Pebbles and river now live in complete harmony with each other.

That's how our souls evolve too. We all have sharp edges which we so boldly thrust against the world. We think the world will make way for us. Only after we get ourselves repeated bruised, do we learn to accept that our viewpoint--no matter how right it feels inside--is not always the correct one. We learn the virtues of uncertainty. We learn how to work around obstacles. We learn to give and take.

We learn that all the pain that we go through in life carries deep lessons. Every pain reveals a roughness in the soul which requires polishing. We must always ask ourselves: Why do we feel pain? Is it because of our pride? Our stubborness? Our selfishness? It is because of our need to control things that are beyond our control?

If we learn our lessons of pain well, we will know where our sharp edges are. We let them go. We release these lumps of stagnant energy so that we may be free to transform ourselves for the better.

And slowly, over time, after many lessons of pain, our souls too will be as smooth, chaste and perfect as those shiny pebbles lying in perfect bliss on the river bed.

Friday, October 21, 2005

In Batch Processing Mode

In Batch Processing Mode


Planning to start a new routine for the coming days (and possibly weeks): go to bed early and start work early the next day. You see, I'm still trying to fine tune my day for maximum productivity--I want to ensure that I reserve my most productive (and hopefully creative) hours during the day for "batch processing" work, and leave the rest for miscellaneous activities.

I categorize activities that constitute "work" into two categories: online transaction processing (OLTP) and batch processing. Every working person has to deal with both. The former are those "transactional" type of activities such as meetings, phonecalls, e-mails, SMS and nowadays Skype and online chat sessions.

These OLTP processes are relatively short duration "request-respond" type of tasks. A greater part of our working hours is dedicated to these activities. They are only taxing when the transaction rates are high--e.g. trying to squeeze as many meetings as possible into one day.

However, OLTP processing are easier to handle in a sense that, you usually don't have to prepare too much--you just think on your feet and respond immediately. OLTP can come in a varied mix: a con-call, followed by an SMS response and then a quick meeting at Starbucks downstairs and then back to the office to send off a fax. They can even happen in parallel (most people send and receive text messages during meetings these days). No problem.

The difficult tasks are the batch processing ones. This include any kind of lengthy writing work--reports, articles, papers--and deep analytical work. You need a stretch of uninterrupted time--a whole day or a whole week or months even. You need research, you need inspiration. You need time to immerse yourself into the subject before you can settle down to work.

You cannot for example, write your article or report for five minutes and then interrupt yourself to make a phone-call for the next ten minutes before resuming exactly from where you left off. Your train of thoughts would have already been disrupted. Your mood is already spoilt. You need to start all over again. That's what I mean by batch processing.

In data centers, you typically don't mix the two workloads together in one server because you can only optimize computing resources for one type of job at any one time. Most data centers do their batch processing runs at night. Which is the same reason why some people are forced to work late into the night--you don't get interrupted so much.

But unfortunately we are not machines that can perform consistently throughout the day. The mind gets tired. It's difficult to do lots of transaction processing for the whole day and then go home and be expected to be equally productive doing batch jobs.

Emotions affect us too. If you have just concluded a very heated meeting, you are certainly not able to plunge immediately into writing a thesis on the Electrodynamics of Moving Bodies. Your head will still be swirling with thoughts and emotions. You'll most likely pick up the phone to call a friend to vent your frustrations; or if you are a geek, you'd be inclined to pour everything out in your blog.

What I've been trying to do is to lump all OLTP work for the week, if possible into one or two days and leave the rest for batch processing. But you can only schedule things that are within your control that way; you cannot stop people from calling, texting and interrupting you during your batch processing days.

I've been thinking maybe, early morning rather than late at night would be the most conducive for doing batch processing work. You go to bed early and your mind will be fresh when you wake up at 4.00am. There'll certainly be no interruptions during that time (hopefully!). So, a few quality hours of batch processing followed by OLTP for the rest of the day.

I woke up at 4.00am this morning and was able to put in some productive work. Planning to do the same again tomorrow morning. It's getting late--I've got to go and hit the sack now. Goodnight!

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Night's Plutonian Shore

Night's Plutonian Shore


I managed to spend time this morning jogging around the neighbourhood park today. Feel so much fresher after some exercise. If I don't sleep too late tonight, I'll probably try and wake up early for another session tomorrow morning.

My productivity today is about average. But the day is not done yet--I'm only taking a short break to deposit my random thoughts into cyberspace. There's another long night of work ahead.

Not sure what I'm going to write today but as usual I'll just ramble on until I hit a topic. Or maybe I'll pull out one of my books and see if I can dive into any interesting passages for inspiration...

Ah, let's talk about Poe. When I was a teenager, I loved reading Edgar Allan Poe. I still do. Every now and then I'll reread one of his Tales of Mystery and Imagination and immerse myself in one of his dark and atmospheric pieces. As a schoolboy, I had tried to imitate his style in my essays. My English teachers were of course not amused with my morbid imagery and ridiculously ornate sentences!

Some of my favourite stories by Poe include Berenice ("Misery is manifold. The wretchedness of the earth is multiform"), the Pit and the Pendulum ("I was sick -- sick unto death with that long agony"), The Cask of Amontillado ("I must not only punish but punish with impunity"), The Masque of the Red Death ("Blood was its Avatar and its seal --the redness and the horror of blood") and The Tell-Tale Heart ("here, here! --It is the beating of his hideous heart!"). Of course, the famous "Raven" poem is also a personal favourite of mine ("quoth the Raven, 'Nevermore'").

I've always been intrigued by Poe's masterful ability to blend sound and imagery in words to such great effect. It is sheer pleasure to read his works aloud. In fact I think both his prose and poems are meant to be read aloud.

In my computer notebook, I keep a copy of The Edgar Allan Poe Audio Collection--a wonderful selection of his most popular stories, dramatized by the booming voices of Vincent Price and Basil Rathbone. No one could evoke the terror and mystery of his stories better than these two actors.

Now whenever I feel a bit weak and weary from working late into the night, I'd play my Poe audiobook and allow myself to be transported into his strange world--a phantasmagoric world so terrifying and yet so nostalgically familiar to me; and then all that wonderment of my boyhood years would come back; and slowly, I'd allow myself to drift deeper and deeper, into the dark and haunted recessess of my mind, into that nether-realm of half-conscious dreaming, into Night's Plutonian Shore...

Sunday, October 16, 2005

The Craftsman at Work

The Craftsman at Work


A weekend of continuous work leaves me quite exhausted indeed. I hope to find some time to go jogging again this coming week--it's something that I haven't been able to do very regularly these days.

Come to think of it, it has been a long time since I had the time to go for a long and unhurried breakfast with the morning papers. I used to do that a lot when I was working in Singapore. At that time (and like now), I was working mostly from home.

When you work from home, it usually means that you are virtually working the whole day. The good thing is that your time is more flexible and you don't have to join the mad rush to work every morning. However this flexibility can also be easily abused if one does not have the necessary self-discipline.

Self-discipline is so critical to anyone who wants to accomplish any kind of job. But how does one supervise oneself? Isn't that close to an impossible task?

I use my favourite pain and pleasure technique again. There must be enough push (pain) and pull (pleasure) factors to drive one forward. I constantly remind myself of all the pleasure that I could enjoy once I accomplish something. It is important that this pleasure is made vivid and real in one's mind, so that it is enticing enough. The pleasure could be material (money), emotional (sense of pride and accomplishment) or spiritual (success in subduing one's negative impulses).

The push factors are usually pretty clear: pressure from the customer or your boss, plus the ever-present need to make ends meet. For some, the fear of failure (resulting in loss of face or pride) is another big push factor.

But once the twin forces of pain and pleasure are set into motion, you are quite assured of not remaining static. It is as if you are on auto-pilot, provided that you remain in conscious contact with the push/pull forces.

Because work usually means making sacrifices for some future pleasure, the immediate "pleasure"--such as procrastination--can often be a much greater pull. One can counter this by organizing small rewards--like allowing yourself to watch your favourite show on TV--upon finishing a chunk of work. Break up a huge job into small chunks of tasks, with rewards thrown in upon their completion. That way the long journey to completion will not feel so tedious.

I also like to see work as a spiritual cleansing exercise. In a previous posting, I used the paradigm of a "workout" to describe the benefits of working. That way, work is never a pressure-filled experience. It is an act of meditation. How is that so?

If you watch a skilled craftsman at work closely. say an engraver or even a cobbler, you will find that his motions are never hurried. He works at a steady pace and there's a certain harmonious ease in the way he moves. He is completely at peace with his surroundings.

This is what I mean by work being an act of meditation: the worker and the work fuse into one. That's the state of mind that I want to achieve whenever I'm working--the mind of a craftsman deeply and happily engrossed in his task.

Well, I must confess that I don't always succeed. I'm definitely not a craftsman yet in what I do. But I'm working on it.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Silencing the Mind

Silencing the Mind


I need a moment of silence--here and now--to center myself again.

Silence.

I've extolled the virtues of silence before. We often think of life as being filled with activities and neglect the "empty spaces" between them. We always feel that if we are not actively doing something or talking to someone, we are not being useful. How mistaken we are!

I've said it before in a previous posting: it is in moments of silence that wisdom arises. But why is that so?

We cannot talk ourselves into becoming a wiser person. There must a time when talking has to stop and the mind--both conscious and subconscious--are allowed to assimilate the information. The body regenerates itself when we rest; the human body in general is self-healing, we just need to give it the opportunity (by not stressing it further through rest and sleep) to allow it to do its work.

The mind works in a similar fashion. You can pump all the information in the world into your brain, but at some point it will tire. When tiredness is felt, whether mentally or physically, the mind and the body is telling us that it needs time to do housekeeping. The brain needs to subconsciously file, compare and assimilate the information received. Mental digestion takes place best when all input is temporarily halted.

The subconscious mind kicks into high-gear when all sensory inputs are minimized. All creative ideas arise deep from the subconscious. The subconscious mind, when fully developed, taps into the universal creative wellspring, into the collective unconscious. The silent mind tunes in to the natural frequency of the universe.

Monks regularly take vows of silence. The great Mahatma Gandhi during his lifetime, used to spend one day of the week in complete silence. People around him would communicate with him on that day through written notes.

The divine in all of us unfolds when we have successfully quieten down the mental noise inside. Sit down and start listening to that noise. How do you make it go away?

Well, you just let it go away naturally by not adding more noise to it.

Observe it: the noise is but residual thoughts, expressions of hope and desire, likes and dislikes--all running wild inside your head like an unruly class of students when the teacher is not around.

When you are able to see how "childish" these noisy thoughts are, then you will slowly let them go. Without the support you give them, they lose energy very quickly and die away. You must realize that they are all sustained by you--by the promptings of your ego.

Let them go. Let your mind reconnect to its creative wellspring. And watch how it blooms.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Why I Blog

Why I Blog


When you blog, you are actually adding another dimension to you life: you start a parallel "lifestream" in cyberspace. This lifestream serves to transform and counter-balance your life in meatspace, enriching it in the process.

One might ask: What's the difference between blogging and keeping a personal diary? In many ways a blog is like a diary but with one major difference--it is public. How you conduct yourself in public is very different from the way you behave in private.

In meatspace, you have a public life and a private life and they are firewalled from one another. Only close friends and loved ones are allowed entry into your private life. In cyberspace, you allow anyone to enter your "private" life but it is not exactly private because you are fully aware that it is publicly accessible.

So your blog adds a third dimension to your life--something that is private, yet public at the same time. It is something that is both outward-facing yet introspective. What occurs daily in your life is reflected, analyzed and resolved in your blog; the result of that reflection is then brought back into your real life, altering it in unexpected ways.

The effect is different from writing in a diary because your views and reflections do not only affect you, but also people who read your blog. Even if no one reads your blog, the effect is still there because you will always assume that you are writing to an audience. This extra element makes all the difference. You are always conscious of the fact that you are in interaction mode with the external world.

Blogging is like singing in the bathroom--it's a private affair but you put all the verve and zest into the act as if you are performing in public. Whereas writing in one's personal diary is like humming your favourite tune softly to yourself--you are not performing.

My style of blogging is generally formal, perhaps even dull. I also don't like to publicize my blog because I think my "bathroom singing" is too unpolished--like preliminary sketches that an artist makes before commiting paint to canvas. It is certainly not of publication quality. But at the same time, I don't mind other people perusing my rough sketches--if they are interested enough to do so. They might have something interesting to point out to me and help me improve both my writing and thinking in the process.

I am happy blogging in a quiet corner of cyberspace. It puts me at ease: I am neither obligated nor interested to comment on the latest political developments or issues. To me that area is already very well-covered in blogosphere. I am happy reading what others have to say and I reserve my right to agree or disagree.

I blog to develop my ideas further--exactly like the rough sketches that an artist makes. I have a few favourite themes which I come back to again and again--a bit like the improvisations of a jazz musician or variations on a theme that many classical composers like Beethoven produce. Each piece develops an idea further--there's always an intent to explore, to study and to understand.

To me, it is important to be spontaneous yet disciplined when blogging. This fomality prevents my blog from degenerating into an unrestrained platform for venting frustrations. I do have lots of things to vent like everyone else but I find it more productive to transform that need into something with creative possibilities.

There's another important reason why I blog--it gives me a daily sense of accomplishment. Every day that I am able to blog is a good day. It means that my day is not wasted. At the very least, I managed to leave a trace of my thoughts in cyberspace for posterity.

I blogged today--so it is another good day!

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

A Glimpse of the Soul

A Glimpse of the Soul


I don't want to write anything heavy today. So let's discuss something light and easy, something which everyone loves: music.

Like everyone else, I carry a personal collection of MP3 music in my notebook. Whenever I feel tired working or when I'm unable to concentrate on my work, I'll plug in my earphones and listen to some of my favourite albums. As one might expected, my taste in music is pretty eclectic. Here's a sampling of what I keep in my MP3 folder:

1. All my favourite Dewa albums:
- Bintang Lima
- Cintailah Cinta
- Laskar Cinta

- They never fail to bring back sweet memories of Indonesia to me.
- Songs like Mistikus Cinta and Risalah Hati always make me misty-eyed

2. Chopin's Nocturnes - by Sandor Falvay
- brings me back to my childhood of moonlit nights and pastoral splendour

3. Kini - Feminin (anyone still remembers them???)
- evokes memories of a specific period in my life when I was so full of youthful exuberance

4. Always in My Heart - Los Indios Tabajaras
- No, I'm not that old, but for some reason I have a deep nostalgia for the 60s
- I also love this album because Wong Kar Wai used it as soundtrack music for Days of Being Wild

5. Chant I, II and III - Benedictine Monks of Santo Domingo De Silos
- I use Gregorian Chants to put myself immediately into a meditative state of mind
- comes in handy whenever I find it difficult to concentrate on my work

6. Bossanova Jawa Vol 1 and 2 - Various Artists
- these two albums are gems that I found in Jakarta.
- Evergreen Javanese classics played and sung to an easy Bossanova beat

Isn't music great? It immediately puts us in a specific state of mind. Music communicates directly to the heart. The music I keep provides a glimpse of my soul--something that words often fail to convey.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

The Greatest Power of All

The Greatest Power of All


We live in an age of terrorism and we have to learn to deal with it. I do not think our own country is safe from the horrors that we see occuring in neighbouring countries. We should never delude ourselves into thinking that such acts cannot happen here in Malaysia. I personally feel that the level of security that we have in public places here are inadequate. But I pray that we don't have to learn it the hard way.

There's no way that suicide bombers can be stopped. They will keep coming because they believe whole-hearted in their cause, however misguided they are. We can only endeavour to make their job more difficult. At the same time we also have to find ways to tackle the injustices that are allowed to perpetrate in many places, which often provide the fuel and breeding ground for such movements.

If there's enough love, tolerance, compassion and magnanimity in this world, terrorism will never have a chance to take root. But we don't live in such a utopian world; the human species is still at the stage where the selfish interests of nations and ethnic groups will always take precedence.

Genetically we are programmed by evolution to ensure the survival of our own kind first, even if it means the obliteration of others. We have not matured beyond the tyranny of our genes.

Through force and violence, certain selfish aims can definitely be achieved. But it is not something that is sustainable in the long run. Empires built through the might of the sword will rise to certain heights but they will also fall, eventually.

No movement that is driven by greed and narrow selfish aims can be sustained. It requires the energy of tyrants and the sacrifice of many for the few. Unfortunately no man, no matter how powerful, can defeat time. The law of entropy will triumph in the end.

The Roman Empire, powerful that it was during its heydays, is but a distant memory now. But one soul, sent so cruelly to his death by Roman soldiers continue to inspire millions today, because he preached something that is infinitely more powerful: love. By turning the other cheek, he managed to conquer an empire.

Weapons can conquer the world, but ultimately only love can conquer hearts.

Friday, September 30, 2005

Killing Two Birds

Killing Two Birds


I've been spending the last two days listening again to my audiobook: A Year in Provence, by Peter Mayle. The last time I listened to it was on my train journey from Solo to Jakarta, one-and-a-half years ago. What an entertaining book it was--full of warmth, wit and mouth-watering descriptions of the gastronomical wonders of Southern France.

I have two large boxes of audiobooks which I've been rummaging through lately to savour again some my most memorable audio listening experience--I want to make better use of the time I spend behind the wheel and being stuck in traffic jams. It certainly makes driving less of a chore. Furthermore I'm getting sick of listening to our local radio channels--those repetitive and silly radio ads I suspect, will sooner or later cause permanent brain damage to the listener.

I've really been making full full use of all my input channels lately--reading while eating, listening to audiobooks while driving and even sleep learning during bedtime! Does sleep learning really work? I don't know--I just enjoy listening to something while my entire system does a slow shutdown for the day. Karen Armstrong reading one of her scholarly tomes is my favourite bedtime lullaby. People who have insomnia should really try this technique--it's a win-win thing: if you don't fall asleep, at least you learn something!

Monday, September 26, 2005

Transcending Suffering

Transcending Suffering


"I am not the breath; I am not the body, neither bones nor flesh. I am not the mind or feeling. I am That which is behind the breath, body, mind and feeling."

- Paramahansa Yogananda

All of our sufferings are due to the fact that we completely associate ourselves with our physical existence. We worry about growing old, losing our hair, gaining weight; we worry about making enough money to lead a respectable life; we worry about finding a suitable life partner, we worry about the future of our children and we worry about a thousand and one things that affect our appearance, image and ego.

We have to go through all this suffering because it is (unfortunately) the only way for us to realize that ultimately these things are not important. It's not enough for us to just read the book of some wise man and then try and convince ourselves that this is indeed so, instead we have to experience all the suffering ourselves to be able to grasp the actual root cause of it all.

To overcome suffering, we have to come to the realization that suffering itself is but a transient state associated with our body and mind. How desperately do we cling on to a specific image of ourselves: a young, fit and beautiful body, a life of material comforts, a respectable social position!

To achieve all that, we have to work hard and suffer. Sometimes in our desperation, we resort to bending the rules: we lie, we stab people's back, we hurt our loved ones. We suffer so much just to gain the pleasure of pride and respect. And when we have finally achieved what comes through so much sacrifice, we realize that we have created a different set of problem: we have to maintain what we have achieved (because we still attach importance to them), so we continue suffering, ad infinitum.

Only after we have come to a point where we realize that these things are all empty and that we have finally outgrown all these childish pursuits, do we realize how foolish we have been to have suffered so much for them. Then only are we mature enough to move on to the next stage of our evolution--one that is beyond pain and pleasure, one which lies beyond the body, mind and feeling, one which lies in the realm where suffering and enjoyment, as we know it, has no meaning at all.

The Romance of Solitary Travel

The Romance of Solitary Travel


Paul Theroux writes in The Old Patagonian Express on his preference to travel alone:
It is hard to see clearly or to think straight in the company of other people. ...What is required is the lucidity of loneliness to capture that vision which, however banal, seems in my private mood to be special and worthy of interest. There is something in feeling abject that quickens my mind and makes it intensely receptive to fugitive impressions. ...Travel is not a vacation, and it is often the opposite of a rest. ...I craved a little risk, some danger, an untoward event, a vivid discomfort, an experience of my own company, and in a modest way the romance of solitude.
I suppose I also share Theroux's view. Even though I enjoy the company of friends and colleagues on my travels, somehow I find that I'm a lot more perceptive whenever I'm travelling alone. I get to see and observe more; I can simply loiter aimlessly if I choose to and I get a chance to read or write in my journal. I'm also lucky that I've never been bothered by loneliness on the road because there's always something about a place that interests me--whether it's the people, culture or history. There's so much to learn and explore.

Solitary travel may sound very anti-social but my experience is actually the opposite: When you are travelling with a group of friends, you'll never bother to talk to strangers because you are constantly occupied with your own conversations. But when you are on your own, everyone you meet in the streets is a potential friend--someone who can enlighten you with a glimpse of his or her world. You are open to so much more possibilities, you are more outward focussed.

Perhaps different people seek different things when they go on a trip. Some people look for things to do--diving, golfing, shopping or bungee-jumping; some enjoy sight-seeing and eating. I simply enjoy observing ordinary people leading ordinary lives: What do they normally eat for lunch? Where do they live? What time do they wake up and go to bed at night? How do they furnish their homes? What do they do on weekends?

Travel is definitely not a vacation. Well, there's nothing wrong in going for a vacation--everyone needs one once in a while. But if you really want to enjoy the true romance of travel, try travelling alone. You'll learn more about the world and yourself.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Sri Lankan Nourishments

Sri Lankan Nourishments


I enjoyed the food in Colombo very much: the sheer variety of rice and curries available in every restaurant menu there made me commit the deadly sin of gluttony everytime. I think If I were to stay in Sri Lanka for the long term, I I'd definitely put on weight. Beer, rice and curries--a sure-fire recipe for obesity.

I am a rice person; in Sri Lanka, the varieties of rice served in a typical buffet meal are quite amazing--you have short and long-grained ones, coming in a variety of shades from white to yellow and red, and cooked in so many different ways. Nothing is more appetizing than a simple meal of rice and curry. I am also quite fond of a dish called lamprais--rice cooked in meat stock and baked in banana leaf with some meat and vegetables. Makes a great self-contained lunch meal.

Apart from rice, Sri Lankans also eat a lot of hoppers--which are bowl-shaped pancakes made of fermented rice flour and coconut milk, sometimes cooked with an egg in the middle. There's also the string hopper, which is the closest thing to mee hoon in Sri Lankan cuisine. They are eaten with curries and "sambol".

Enough of Sri Lankan food for the moment. I'm back again in KL--back to my diet of teh tarik, nasi lemak and Starbucks coffee. I managed to get some sleep during my flight back but it wasn't sufficient--so I slept for another one-and-a-half hour this afternoon. I'm feeling slightly refreshed now and eager to dive back into my routine of work.

My diet for the coming weeks will be the huge stack of information that I have collected and which have I to try my best to digest and draw conclusions from. Hopefully there's sufficient nourishment there to keep my mind constantly occupied and most importantly, working creatively.

Leaving Colombo

Leaving Colombo


It's been a whole week since I last blogged. I'm typing this at the airport lounge in Colombo, waiting for my SriLankan Airlines flight to KL via Singapore. I'm becoming quite a regular customer of SriLankan Airlines now; the main reason why I'm taking this airline is that unlike MAS or SIA, their flights to Colombo do not arrive in the wee hours of the morning.

I arrived here last Sunday at 5pm, when it was still bright. I checked into the Galle Face Hotel and immediately settled down at my favourite spot overlooking the sea and setting sun, with a nice cool mug of beer melting in my palm. It has been my daily routine every evening here to just lounge by the beach after a hard day's work. Work has been very hard indeed: I managed to conduct at least 15 meetings over the last five days, including a very interesting one at Malabe--the "Cyberjaya" of Sri Lanka--just outside Colombo city.

I've only been able to get a bit of Internet access at the office early in the morning before my daily meetings. There are not many Wifi hotspots in Colombo and it costs around 1 USD for an hour of access here. But anyway, I wasn't too keen on being connected all the time as I wanted to try and avoid unncessary Internet access here in Colombo; sometimes productivity can actually increase with less surfing.

All I need is my notebook--both paper and electronic--for writing down my notes and observations. I have tons of materials--sketches, notes and hardcopy printouts--to digest back in KL. It'll take me almost 6 hours to reach KL ( including a one-hour stopoever in Singapore ). I have opted for a light but educational read for this trip, so I'm going to enjoy my way home. I think I'm beginning to like these short sojourns to Serendib...

Friday, September 16, 2005

Total Living

Total Living


Another trip to Serendib awaits me. It's one week of sheer hardwork but I look forward to it as an opportunity for me to regain my mental fitness in real-life "match situations".

I've always been asked by people as to how I keep up with the rapid developments in the IT industry. Most IT professionals will tell you that it's a very tough thing to do. After a while they just "give up" or decide to just focus on a very narrow area of the subject.

I would love to do so too but unfortunately my natural instincts rebel against it. Furthermore, doing the kind of work that I do, I simply do not have the luxury to be a specialist in any area. So I've resigned myself to adopt a "total football" philosophy--one has to be willing to play the roles of a defender, mildfielder and attacker when the situation demands it in a match.

Such a role is also reasonably interesting for me because I don't get bored being stuck in one narrow area of specialty. I try my best to acquire sufficient foundation knowledge at least to be able to converse intelligently with any network engineer, systems administrator, storage engineer, database administrator, application developer or IT business manager that I meet during the course of a typical consulting engagment. Often I learn a lot simply from my conversations with them; I get to know what are the areas of importance in their respective fields and I follow up with research on those areas that I'm unfamiliar with.

I always do my homework before every consulting engagement. A good football coach will always ensure that his team has a well thought out game plan before every football match. One must understand the playing style of one's opponent and anticipate their every possible move. Ideally nothing should take you by surprise, but if surprises do come up, you'll know how to tackle them based on some clearly defined principles and strategies.

It's important for the consultant to read every signal coming from the client, to digest all relevant facts related to the problem at hand and never to leave any stones unturned. The only way to ensure quality delivery of one's work is to over-exceed the client's expectations.

I believe one should always stretch oneself in any kind of endeavour. If you don't you'll never grow. I've said it many times before: to learn and to grow is what we all live for. How can one live life to the fullest if one does not expand mentally and spiritually? Keep your waistline in check but let your mind and spirit expand continuously. That is what I call Total Living.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Creative Anger

Creative Anger


"Beaneath every experience of anger is a huge body of emotional experience"

- The Heart of the Soul by Gary Zukav & Linda Francis
When we are consumed by anger we often act without regard for the consequences of our actions. How does one control one's anger? No, the question should be: How does one prevent anger from arising in first place?

No wave can surge above the surface of the sea without a concentrated movement of water beneath it. Anger is merely the tip of the emotional iceberg, exposing deep layers of fear and pain. The angry man may sometimes appear to be extremely brave and bold but the fact is, he is acting from an underlying weakness. An angry man can be defeated easily because he is often too blind to see his own weaknesses.

Anger can be a seductive thing because it gives us a momentary surge of fearlessness--the effect is almost like a drug. And it can be very addictive. We feel righteous and strong. But the feeling passes away very quickly, and one recovers from the experience full of regret and shame.

We see injustice around us all the time. Injustice can give rise to anger. However reacting to injustice out of anger is not the wisest thing to do. Of course, it is our duty to fight injustice, but certainly not at the expense of anger. Being human, anger will often arise within us spontaneously. Just let it rise and subside but do not feed on it. Feel its wave-like motion--rising, peaking, falling. And then when it is gone, analyze why it arose in first place.

Why does the situation provoke such anger in you? What fear does it stir inside you? Understand that fear. And then act with the full knowledge of that fear, without judgement or malice. That's how we learn from anger.

All of us like to think of ourselves as gentle creatures, incapable of drastic acts of violence. We'll never commit the kind of violent acts that we often associate with other lesser human beings. Think again. If you are capable of anger, you are definitely capable of violence. Every spark of fire has the potential to turn into a raging inferno under the right conditions. Similarly, under the right set of circumstances, our anger can also ignite into violence. Anger and violence reside in the same continuum--they are just opposite ends of the spectrum.

An angry man has a lot of energy. But unfortunately he is not using his energy in the most efficient manner. So often, this energy is used to destroy. If one is capable of so much anger, one is definitely capable of harnessing the same energy to create. Anger can be transformed into a beautiful act of creation.

When anger arises next time, ask yourself: Why am I reacting this way? What fear does it stir inside me? Why do I have this fear in first place? How can I overcome this fear? Can I use this anger that has arisen in a creative manner?

Harness this surge of energy called anger. Act creatively.

Monday, September 12, 2005

The Spirit and the Flesh

The Spirit and the Flesh


Seeker: Teach me the way to liberation
Zen Master: Who binds you?
Seeker: No one binds me
Zen Master: Then why seek liberation?
In all spiritual endeavours, the greatest enemy is ourself. It is not the environment or the circumstances of our lives that we need to conquer, it is the our own mind, our own thinking that we need to overcome.

Like what the Zen Master was trying to tell the seeker, it is we ourselves who stand in the way to enlightenment or liberation. We think that it is something "out there" to be sought, like how we chase after worldly success; when in fact perfection is already there within us. Spiritual liberation is not a process of "accumulation" but one of "shedding" or "uncovering".

You see, deep down inside, the soul is perfect. We fail to see our own perfection because we are drowned in noise--the noise in our mind, the noise of our desires and the noise of the external senses that seek to pull us into a thousand and one different directions. We never bother to listen to the Sound of Silence that emanates from inside.

It is ironic that the greatest spiritual challenge that we face is not one that requires great external exertion but instead it demands us to "let go". It is a process of letting go of our attachment to the world of the senses, and allowing the soul to return to its source.

My my, the week is just beginning, I really shouldn't be indulging in so much mystical mumbo jumbo!

But then again, this seems to be my natural tendency these days--to view everything from a spiritual perspective. While I'm deeply mired everyday in worldly pursuits, I'm always conscious of my true quest within, which is spiritual in nature.

It is not an easy task balancing the material with the spiritual. To completely ignore the spiritual is to put oneself under enormous risk. We could so easily lose our bearings if we are not careful.

Ideally, it is the spirit within that guides our actions, the body merely executes. The body is of no less importance because it is the divine temple which houses the soul and the vehicle that allows the soul to interact with the world. Without it, the soul cannot dissolve the residual karma that binds it to the world. So take care of the body, like how we would take care of our house or car.

Which is also why I need to finish this posting now--my body needs rest! I'll have to wake up very early tomorrow to drive to the city for a conference. Have a good week ahead, everyone. Let's all nourish the spirit and learn to command the flesh!

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

The Light of Truth

The Light of Truth


The Seven Storey Mountain, written by the Catholic monk, Thomas Merton (1951-1968) is one of the most widely read spiritual autobiography or our time. Being someone who admires those with the courage to pursue a spiritual vocation, I had read and enjoyed Merton's book greatly when I was working in Singapore five years ago.

Thomas Merton belonged to the Trappist movement, one of the strictest monastic orders in the Catholic tradition. He, like Saint Augustine centuries before him, decided to choose a life of monkhood after having spent a riotuously passionate youth plunged in worldly pursuits.

Despite the many restrictions of the Trappist Order, which Merton described as "the four walls of my new freedom", he was a major voice in the non-violent activist movements of his day. Through his many writings he was recognized as on of the most influential American Catholic in the twentieth century. In his later years, he developed a strong interest in Eastern religions and was a key proponent for better East-West religious dialogue.

Merton, who rarely travelled out of his monastery, was ironically killed in a freak hotel room accident on his first trip to Bangkok for a religious conference in 1968. He leaves behind a valuable collection of spiritual writings which continue to enlighten and inspire Catholics and non-Catholics alike around the world.

I was flipping through my copy of The Seven Storey Mountain, when I chanced upon these lines on page 223 which I had underlined in pencil when I first read it:

Now at last I came around to the sane conception of virtue--without which there can be no happiness, because virtues are precisely the powers by which we can come to acquire happiness: without them, there can be no joy, because they are the habits which coordinate and canalize our natural energies and direct them to the harmony and perfection and balance, the unity of our nature with itself and with God, which must, in the end, constitute our everlasting peace.

What a long sentence that is! I'm sure it confuses most readers. But how profoundly it expresses the concept of virtue, and why it will bring peace and happiness. We act virtuously not because the religious scriptures or the law says so, but because it is the practical and ultimately the only way to achieve everlasting peace.

Why? Because virtues are "habits which coordinate and canalize our natural energies": which actually means that they constitute the right set of actions, in accordance with the universal laws of nature and if executed consistently, can only bring good returns to us.

Perhaps that may still sound a bit mystical to some people but in a way it sums up everything that I've been trying to say all these years in my blog. And I suppose my challenge is to continue writing such things, marshalling all the possibilities of words, imagery and language, to express what I feel deep down inside to be true, until the light of truth shines forth with unequivocal clarity.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

The Dynamics of Emotion

The Dynamics of Emotion


Vincent Mancini (Andy Garcia): We should kill him before he kills ...
Michael Corleone (Al Pacino): No. Never hate your enemies. It affects your judgment.

- The Godfather: Part III, directed by Francis Ford Coppola

Even a hoodlum knows that it's not wise to let emotions cloud one's judgement. According to Gary Zukav in The Heart of the Soul, emotion is nothing but a movement in our energy system. Whenever energy leaves our system, it produces an emotion, which is just a physical sensation localized on certain specific parts of the body: Sometimes it's felt deep in the heart, sometimes it's a "gut feeling", other times it's like a lump in the throat.

Let me save the discussion on this "energy system" for a later posting for it will be too esoteric to go any deeper. Suffice to say that, emotions are but a perturbation of our inner energy system, manifested as a sensation in the body. And if we are wise enough to read them, we'll know how to gauge our state of mind accurately.

A person who observes his emotion, is like a pilot who watches over the instruments on the dashboard of his cockpit carefully. Every tiny fluctuation of the dials is interpreted and the appropriate action taken immediately. The emotions we feel should be treated that way--as feedback signals, and nothing more than that.

We must always ask ourselves, why does this feeling of hate arises? Or why do we feel this intense jealousy towards someone? It always point to some kind of fear or weakness inside us. Sometimes it's because they trigger certain painful memories from the past. To evade the pain or to allay our fears, we often proceed to do something that seeks to cover, evade or postpone the issue. In doing so, we are merely acting on impulse, which further compounds the energy loss from our system.

When an emotion arises, we read it, like how a navigator would read the winds and the currents before deciding what course of action to take. This emotion is a reflection of our inner state--a spectral reading of our energy system. What is the underlying cause of this perturbation and how can this root cause be dealt with? That is the question that everyone of us must seek to answer--every single moment of our lives.

To be able to read the message from our emotions, we must learn detachment--or what I would normally refer to as equanimity (again!). The only productive way for energy to leave our system is through selfless love. But the so-called "love" that we mortals claim to give our loved ones is never a hundred percent selfless--that is why it causes so much perturbation in the energy systems of the parties involved.

I've used this analogy before--true selfless love is like sunlight: It is an emotional energy that radiates out harmoniously, giving life to everything surrounding it. No energy is every wasted that way because they are always used creatively to nurture growth.

Learn to read your emotions. Are you processing energy in the most efficient, productive and creative manner? You are the pilot and navigator. Check the reading on your emotional dials.

Learning to be Sane

Learning to be Sane


When we focus our mind and concentrate on a particular task, we are actually aligning all the mental energy that we possess in one direction. People who are always successful in what they do know how important concentration is. When you concentrate, the mind becomes spontaneously creative. Ideas and possibilities come flooding in.

The problem is that many people have lost the ability to concentrate. Concentration is but the starting point for meditation. But let's not even talk about meditation yet. If people know how to concentrate well, they will improve their performance many fold in any task that they pursue.

We have lost the ability to concentrate because we have become so easily distracted by the immediate gratification of the senses. A lot of the input we absorb through our senses are the equivalent of junk food. Junk food does not have any nutritional value but serves only to gratify our tastes buds. And because of this instant gratification that we get from such input, over time we become addicted to them, and forget that it is not normal behaviour.

Two good examples are watching TV and surfing the Net. The TV and the Internet can be two very good sources of knowledge, if we only know how to use them wisely. Unfortunately most of the time, we switch on the TV or surf the Net with no apparent purpose but to satisfy our need for escapism.

It's quite alright if we we indulge in such activities moderately as a form of relaxation--letting the mind wander aimlessly on its own, like a leisurely stroll in the park. But the sad thing is that, after a while, we begin to believe that that's the only way the mind functions--completely out of our control. We allow our mental muscles to be weakened, setting the monkey mind loose in the process.

We should not let that happen. We must always remember to reassert control of our minds. If not, it is desire and ego that will rule our lives. Eckhart Tolle calls this kind of ego-driven consciousness a form of "insanity".

We are all insane to a certain degree. It's not too late to check the slide. Simply start by determining the next thought that comes into your mind, consciously. Do that, and learn to be sane again.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Walking Together

Walking Together


I'm feeling a bit contented after a full productive day of work. But I'm still behind schedule. Hopefully tomorrow will be another fruitful day for me. It's getting increasingly difficult for me to blog regularly but I'll try.

Let's not talk about work all the time. I'm becoming a very dull boy indeed. Perhaps we should discuss something more refreshing today: women and lust.

Men lust after women. The dynamics of lust shapes most relationships between men and women. At which point lust becomes love, it's often difficult to tell. However lust is not something that can last forever because the beauty of the flesh decays very fast. Hence lust can be a starting point but not reason enough to sustain a relationship for the long term. No matter how strong the lust of a man for a woman is, the novelty will wear off after a while.

How then can a relationship be sustained? Lust is a dynamic of the physical layer. A sustainable relationship must develop the higher layers too: emotional, intellectual and spiritual. When couples talk about "love", it means that they have forged a certain bond on the emotional layer. Intellectual bonding may and may not occur in many relationships. It is more important to forge a strong emotional bond based on mutual support, respect and trust. If this foundation does not exist, then a relationship will always be mired with jealousy, suspicion and unhappiness.

Couples spend their entire lives trying to work out that emotional contract that is mutually satisfactory. It is a difficult task because most people care about themselves first and their partners second. True love--if there's such a thing--is based on giving. Give and ye shall receive. But when one gives too much, suspicious begins to creeps in: is my partner taking advantage of my kindness?

So this ding-donging goes on and on in a typical relationship until the individual karmic forces are exhausted. By that time, a lot of pain would have been suffered; so many tears, fights and arguments would have transpired. If the relationship is still in one piece, then only can the couple transcend to the next level of evolution.

Marriage or any form of romantic relationship is good because it helps a person to work out his dormant karma. If not for the trials and tribulations of a relationship, he might not be able to untangle the karmic knots that are buried deep within his soul. Only by releasing this energy can he or she progress spiritually. Of course, they are less painful ways to work out one's karma. But that requires wisdom, which not everyone is blessed with.

Remember to always enter a relationship with equanimity . Know that, every pleasure you get out of it caries with it the seeds of pain. It may sound very pessimistic but it is the wisest thing to do. Get swept away by romance by all means but don't forget how to land on your feet again.

Better still keep your feet on the ground and walk. Ultimately, all couples will need to learn how to walk, together. One step at a time, hand-in-hand, moving forward. What could be more romantic than that?

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Finding Balance

Finding Balance


The good thing about weekends is that you can work for longer stretches of time without being interrupted by phonecalls, SMSes or meetings. I always feel that it is a good weekend if I can finish off a major chunk of work.

Now hang on, if one has to work over weekends, when does one get to rest? Isn't rest important?

Of course, we need to find time to "sharpen the saw". But that need not necessarily happen only on weekends. If we learn how to sleep deeper (and I know a lot of people find that difficult), we feel fresher and more rejuvenated the next day. We must also know how to take short breaks in between meetings or major tasks. The mind must be given the opportunity to return back to its "original shape".

People who practise meditation knows how restful a session of deep meditation can be. It's the mental stresses and strains that make us feel tired. If we know how to release these clogged up energies from our minds, we will feel a lot more relaxed. We don't need to wait for long holidays or weekends to "rest". Rest equals absence of stress.

Sometimes we don't face mental stress but the physical activities that we do make us feel very tired. For example, taking flights can also be very tiring because of all the walking and queueing that one has go through at airports, not to mention having to drag one's heavy luggage around. But I normally get to rest very well when I get onto the plane because the monotonous drone of the jet engine during take off puts me to sleep very easily.

It's Sunday night again. I'm all set to tackle another week of intense work. I'll probably feel very exhausted by midweek but I'm sure I'll find a way to rejuvenate myself. Going for a morning jog is the best--my energy level increases tremendously if I get the chance to exercise and do some deep breathing.

I recall a book I read ten years ago: The Tao of Health, Sex and Longevity by Daniel Reid. Not that I'm such a health freak, but I did learn a lot of good tips about healthy living from there. Taoists and yogis belief that energy is always there in the air in the form of chi or prana. Of course, it cannot exactly be proven by science yet but I'd like to believe that it's true.

Eastern medicine is all about balance. A healthy life is a balanced life. Balance work with rest, hot with cold, actvitiy with inactivity; then all the yin and the yang forces will be in perfect harmony. Finding that balance, that delicate point of dynamic equilibrium, is a skill that will take us a lifetime to perfect.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Facing the Blank Page

Facing the Blank Page


Time to blog again at last! It makes me very happy to be able to find time to blog. Blogging is a "sharpening the saw" activity which I consider essential to my mental health. When I started my blog, my main intention was to use it as an avenue to practice my writing. The only way to beat writer's block is to treat writing as an activity that is as natural as eating or sleeping. It shouldn't be a big deal.

Everyone has a right to write. Let us not be deterred by our poor command of the language nor our inability to express ourselves clearly. The way we write reflects the way we think. Not only that, writing actually aids the thinking process. For instance, we can only do mathematics mentally up to a certain point; at some stage we have to write down all the symbols and equations on paper so that we can analyze them visually. Through writing, thoughts are "physicalized".

Analytical people are used to listing down all the pros and cons on paper before making any important decisions. Once things are put into writing, they become clear; one's thoughts are not muddled anymore because they have been transformed from the intangible world of the mind into the realm of physical space and time. Thoughts, when written down, are sequenced and spatially grouped into sentences, paragraphs and chapter, allowing us to see inter-relationships better. As a result, we are able to weigh things more objectively and put things in its proper perspective.

Writing and reading--the two "R"s--are very basic and essential skills which we learn eversince we were old enough to be sent to the nursery school. Isn't it surprising that many of us don't even bother to indulge in either of these activities anymore? We would rather spend laborious hours at the driving range perfecting our golf swing than to squeeze in half-an-hour a day polishing up our writing skill. Why is that so?

I don't know. Maybe writing seems such a dull activity. But I do know that the inability to write well is a major handicap to many people in the working world. There are many who could speak very well, even in front of large audiences but they freeze up mentally when faced with a blank sheet of paper.

I love opening up my "blank paper" --the w.bloggar front-end, and challenge myself to fill it up with words. You simply start by typing in some nonsensical words...the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog...and suddenly thoughts start pouring in and before you knew it, you've already finished your few hundred word posting for the day!

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Life's Most Basic Pleasures

Life's Most Basic Pleasures


"We do not ask for what useful purpose the birds do sing, for song is their pleasure since they were created for singing. Similarily, we ought not to ask why the human mind troubles to fathom the secrets of the heavens...The diversity of the phenomena of Nature is so great, and the treasures hidden in the heavens so rich, precisely in order that the human mind shall never be lacking in fresh nourishment"

- Johannes Kepler

Isn't Monday a great day? It's the start of a brand new week and there's always a sense of urgency on the first day. I always get lots of e-mails on Monday. Almost half the day will be spent replying to them, not to mention attending to that other type of communication that's gaining equal if not even more importance: SMS.

Finally all the noise of the day has subsided and I'm safe and sound in my cluttered little room in Subang Jaya, ready to blog and do a checkpoint before I go to bed.

I'm sure, we all have been asked this question before: What is it that makes you want to get out of bed every morning?

Well, I'd rather remain in bed but I have to go to work and make a living.

I'll be in serious trouble if I don't go to work. I'll lose my job.

I have no choice.

These are some of the typical answers. Perhaps once in a while, you'll hear that highly motivated salesman who'll tell you that he wakes up every morning with a great sense of anticipation that he's one day closer to his million dollar deal.

For me, I don't belong to either extreme. My personal motivation is simple: It's the thought that I will be a better person today compared to who I was yesterday.

It gives me a thrill everytime to know that I wake up everyday richer in life's experiences. But how can I be so sure that I'm "richer"? To me this is something inevitable: We have accumulated another day of data to be extracted and analyzed. What was it that we did right yesterday? What mistakes have we made? What can we learn from them? So we will act today with more information and knowledge compared to yesterday. Every experience is a learning experience. Even the mundane ones.

Some people tell me that they don't learn anything from their job anymore. It's so boring and routine. I already know everything that needs to be known to do my job.

But how is that possible? Why must we allow ourselves to degenerate into such a state? We can always stretch our boundaries if we choose to, can't we? There's always something to learn. Don't tell me you know everything about the industry that you are working in. You might be an expert in your narrow little field, but why should you be contented with that? Even if you are completely disinterested in the work that you are doing, there are other areas that you can pursue. For example: How well do you know God?

Well, maybe you are not interested in that either. That's OK. Then ask yourself: how well do you know your colleague sitting in the next cubicle? What can you learn from him or her? Or your spouse? Or your children? Do you know them as well as you should? We can learn so much from the people around us because they are "interactive books".

There's always something to learn in life. Today we hear leaders preach about life-long learning because we are living in such a competitive world. We must be constantly acquiring new skillsets to survive. But I don't like to look at it from such an economic angle. Learning to me ranks together with the other basic biological functions such as eating (and defecating), sleeping and mating.

I've said it many times before and I'll say it again: to live is to learn. Period. Have I learned anything new today? You bet. Will I learn something new tomorrow? Definitely.

What's so great about learning? Of what use is it?

Let me answer that with another question: Of what use is eating, sleeping or mating?

I don't really care. It's simply pleasurable.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

The Exquisite Beauty of Temptation

The Exquisite Beauty of Temptation


I read Gary Zukav's The Dancing Wu Li Masters when I was a schoolboy, in 1983. This classic of popular science which also won the American National Book Award for Science in 1979 is a layman's account of the world of quantum physics. The book cemented my growing desire to pursue a career in the sciences. There were many other books along the same lines that I managed to read in subsequent years but Gary Zukav's "Wu Li Masters" and Fritjof Capra's The Tao of Physics remained my bible throughout those exhilirating years. That was more than 20 years ago...

Then in 1999 when I was working in Singapore, I picked up a book from the MPH bookstore called The Seat of the Soul, written by a strangely famliar author: Gary Zukav! To my surprise, this new book of his wasn't about quantum physics or any of the new sciences; it's about spirituality--a subject that has also became close to my heart.

Like what it did to me as a schoolboy, once again, reading Zukav's writing elevated me to greater heights of understanding--now not only at an intellectual level but also at a spiritual one. I loved the book so much that I followed up by listening to an audio version of it, read by the author himself. That was six years ago...

Cut to the present: For the last three days, while commuting between Subang Jaya and KL for my training, I have been listening to The Seat of the Soul again. And what a wonderful experience it was! I found myself nodding in agreement with everything that Zukav wrote in the book: every word, every sentence now rang with crystal clarity. And I marvelled at his eloquence---he managed to express everything that I knew to be true in my heart and mind, things that I had since learned and verified through personal experience, with such beauty and honesty.

Let me share Zukav's take on "temptation", which I thought was spot on:

What is temptation?
Temptation is the Universe's compassionate way of allowing you to run through what would be a harmful negative karmic dynamic if you were to allow it to become physically manifest. It is the energy through which your soul is given the gracious opportunity to have a dry run at a life lesson, at a situation that, if you can see clearly, can be removed and healed within the confines of your private world of energy and not spill into a larger energy field of other souls. Temptation is a dress rehearsal for a karmic experience of negativity.

The entire dynamic of temptation is the compassionate way of allowing you to see your potential pitfalls, and cleanse yourself before you can affect the lives of others. It is a form of decoy in which the negativity is compassionately drawn from you, if you can see that before you create karma. As you respond to the decoy, you cleanse yourself by becoming aware and not having to actually live through the experience. You cleanse yourself without creating karma and interaction with other souls. How exquisite is temptation.

How exquisite indeed is temptation!