The Penance of Pain
It is happening again--the total lockdown starting 1st of June. There won't be too many changes in everyone's lifestyle. By now we are used to the routine. I took the opportunity today to go for a haircut. Had to queue for a while though but I got it done.
Just in my bedroom alone, I already have sufficient books to last me probably a couple of years. But I indulged myself (with the upcoming lockdown as an excuse) by shopping for a few books. If I have to lock myself up in my bedroom, I'm all set. I have sufficient pens, papers and notebooks to write with, even if I don't have an internet connection.
Over the years I've trained myself not to be too attached to material possessions. True, I'm still very attached to my collection of books but much less so than say 20 years ago. I've even thought of giving away some of them. The most important thing about material possessions is their transformative power. Everything we possess reveals some weakness that we have.
Is a craving for knowledge bad? We have to ask ourselves this question: why do we seek knowledge in first place? For some, it is for some practical purpose like learning a new skill to make a better living; improving one's knowledge of the stock market so that one can become a better investor or understanding religious scriptures better to gain God's favour.
Most of the time, we seek knowledge because we crave for certain things. Knowledge is the stepping stone for that craving. Choose what we crave for carefully for it is guaranteed to cause us pain. Pain is the necessary ingredient for transformation. It is like taking the Covid-19 vaccine--there will be some mild side-effects. But that is the necessary pain that transforms your body's ability to protect itself against an even bigger pain--the Covid-19 virus itself.
Life is a process of choosing your pain. Take the pain that could transform yourself for the better. That way you are better protected against unexpected pain. By craving for something, you are immediately exposing yourself to the pain of being denied its attainment. Are you strong enough to face the loss of something which you consider your dearest possession?
How painful will it be if I lose my entire lifetime's collection of books? It will be very painful indeed. But I'll take it on the chin and move on. I'll be grateful for the many moments of epiphany that these books had given me. Any further attachment to them as some sort of trophy or symbol of wisdom only serves to inflate the ego, which ultimately will cause more pain.
Any material possession that gives you pleasure is also laden with pain in equal measure. Always take the pleasure together with the pain. Penance is a way to proactively experience pain in order to tap its transformative power. Life itself is an act of penance. Remember this, every time you experience pain, know that some sort of transformation is at work. If you allow pain to play itself out, you know that you've allowed healing to happen. That is true penitence.
