The Dance of Existence

Let me continue my meditations on this blog. It is always a joy to find time to write, though such opportunities do not come often enough. And since it is the last day 2016, it is a good time to reflect back on the year that's passed and to look forward to the coming one.

My last blog entry talks about creativity as a natural impulse of the universe. Destruction is part of the creative process. I've always believed that a life is like a small impulse of energy injected into material form at the moment of birth. The rest is just a process of unfoldment. The music starts playing at the moment of birth, and we the dancers improvise our steps as we go along.

Sometimes we dance well; sometimes we are completely out of whack with the rhythm. As the song goes, "guilty feet have got no rhythm" (line from Careless Whisper, a tribute to George Michael who passed away 5 days ago). To live is to dance to the music of life.

We are 'guilty' every time we are not true to ourselves. To be true to ourselves is to listen to that inner music that defines us. Everyone is born with a theme--like the soundtrack of a movie and one must know one's own very well. With each passing year, these things are clearer and clearer to me. In the end, everything is an expression of this musical energy. I've alluded to this in a few previous blog posts, e.g. here and here.

People listen to music in different ways. The young tend to be attracted by rhythm and lyrics. In general, people like 'melodious' music. Any song with a catchy tune is considered good. But melody is just one aspect of music appreciation. Music can be appreciated in many different levels.

I even enjoy reading music. Yes, I find pleasure in reading sheet music, especially those of classical music. Even now, I have 2 volumes of Beethoven's piano sonatas within arms-length. Tracing the notes while listening to the music gives me a better understanding and a better appreciation of the music. There's so much beauty in music and so much wisdom to distill from it.

Our taste in music is actually a good indicator of the inner music that drives us. Which is why musical taste is so varied. Certain types of music are harmonious with our soul; other types we find somehow incongruent. That's our personality. That personality--that resistance to certain things, and obsession with others--is the karma that we have to work out within our lifetime.

Life is a series of attractions and repulsions. This dynamic drives our everyday life. A melody moves from note to note, creating tensions and resolutions by cleverly moving through notes that are harmonious and discordant. The melody finds rest in the tonic of its key. It begins and ends there. In between is a journey, like the Hero's Journey, of which our lives are expressions of.

As 2016 ends and 2017 begins, We start another journey within a journey. We try to follow the cadence of our inner music and dance to its rhythm. We are compelled to dance as long as the music is playing. And in the end we'll realize that the dance is the whole purpose of existence; and we are all dancing, with the planets, the stars and the galaxies, within this pulsing universe that is but a gigantic Cosmic Fugue.

The Finite Pleasures of Life

I used to fly every other week, but this year has been a record of a sort to me: It's already the end of November and I have not made a single trip out of the country this year! The last stamp on passport was from the Singapore immigration, made sometime end of last year.

What has become of me? Is that why I haven't been blogging? Do I foresee any change in the coming year? How will I look back on these years that I spent in KL?

What have I enjoyed most these past years? Reading, playing the piano, watching EPL matches, drinking with friends and most of all, being able to take care of my old folks.

Playing the piano is something that I have not been able to do much since I left my hometown for studies and work. Only a few years back, looking at ways to fill up my bare apartment and driven by a nostalgia for my childhood days, did I decide to buy myself a digital piano. This has allowed me to spend many happy evenings after work playing my favourite Chopin waltzes and Nocturnes. I must confess, my playing is embarrassingly bad but I find these quiet finger-flexing sessions on the keyword quite therapeutic.

It's also great that one can download lots of free sheet music from the Internet these days. One of my favourite pieces is Ryuichi Sakamoto's theme music for the movie The Sheltering Sky, which I managed to find on the Net. Such a sad and haunting tune. I loved the movie too, which starred Debra Winger and John Malkovich, one of my favourite actors.

I managed to read the book too after I saw the movie. I love the scenes where the author, the late Paul Bowles, makes cameo appearances as the enigmatic Narrator, making voice-over observations on his characters. Here's one towards the end of the movie, a scene which I never get tired watching. Love the cafe atmosphere. Here's the voice over quote in English:

Because we don't know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well, yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that's so deeply a part of your being that you can't even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four or five times more, perhaps not even that. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless.

How many more times will I be able to watch these favourite scenes of mine? How many more times will I be able to play my favourite Chopin Waltz in B minor?

Only a finite number of times. But yet we live life as if it all seems limitless.

A Celebration of Truth

The history of mankind, for better or for worse, has been shaped by religion. Everything from great acts of charity to horrific atroscities have been committed before in the name of religion. Religion is an inescapable fact of the human condition. To understand human nature, we have to understand this religious impulse that stir from deep within our psyche, a force that is as strong and primeval as sex itself.

Why do we need religion? Agnostics and atheists argue, sometimes quite convincingly, that religion has done more harm than good to mankind. Wouldn't the world be a better place if such a thing as religion doesn't exist?

Those who are on the other side of the fence insists that without the guiding light of religion, mankind would degenerate into a loathsome state of moral debasement, where all our actions are driven by selfish needs, where it's every man for himself and the ruthless law of the jungle rules supreme. In other words, we will be no different from animals--a world without kindness and compassion.

Is this true?

Maybe the agnostics are correct. Religion does poison everything. Religion does not guarantee good moral behaviour. Its teaching and practices are so open to interpretation that it only provides a convenient vehicle for individuals in authority to manipulate them for their selfish aims.

But I can hear the man of faith protesting. Those who have had a spiritual awakening would know. Once you have caught a glimpse of the divine, you see the world differently. There's love, light, beauty and compassion. There's a purpose in existence; the soul of a spiritually awakened person soars in exaltation.

I've blogged on this subject many times in the past. Spirituality is an "irrational" but basic human impulse. Falling in love is "irrational". Listening to music is a "useless" activity. But human beings spend a great deal of their waking life falling in love and listening to music, sometimes even blending the two together, to great effect.

Wipe out the entire human race and let another species rise to dominate earth. Inevitably, as this species evolves, it will develop a spiritual impulse and invent religion. Emotions, intelligence and spirituality. These are the flowers of civilization. Our great works of science and art arise from the creative force inherent within these basic human impulses.

Religion is nothing but institutionalized spirituality. It provides a framework for spirituality to find its expression. Some frameworks work better than others in certain geographies and epochs. Some grow so powerful that they forget their original intent, and attempt whatever means to perpetuate themself, by subsuming the individual and suppressing all opposition.

Let's not forget that. Religion serves humanity, and not the other way round. Human beings need a platform to express their spirituality. The institution of religion is for the sole purpose of providing this platform. And we must admit a plurality of platforms for human spirituality, like music and art, finds its expression in diversity.

No religion is truer than the other. No religion has a monopoly of truth and salvation. Every religion is but an expression of being human--a response to the yearning spiritual impulse within us. Every culture respond in its own unique way.

The doctrines of religion is not Truth, but a celebration of Truth. What is Truth? We don't know, and we need not bother ourselves too much about it. By insisting on our version of Truth, we divide. By celebrating Truth together, we unite.

The Music of God

Are you always conscious of your own mental processes? Do you completely identify yourself with them? This is a crucial question that you need to answer as a spiritual seeker.

In our everyday lives, we think, act and react. We become the thinking and acting. Acting and thinking, are merely two ends of the same spectrum. Is that all life is about?

You have biological, emotional and intellectual needs, so you think and act in certain ways to fulfill them. Your entire life is spent doing that--fulfilling your needs: the need to eat, to procreate and to gratify your senses.

A need arises, which triggers a thought, which leads to some action being taken and the need is temporarily satisfied. The cycle repeats itself ad infinitum. That's your life.

And then you realize that you only feel happy when the needs are met. And when any of these needs are lacking, you feel unhappy.

Then you ask yourself: Whose needs are these? Does it come from the body? Or the mind? or both?

Can these needs ever be completely satisfied? If not, does that mean I can never ever be truly happy?

What then is there, if not the activities of the mind? When the mind is quelled of its "waves", what do you see? When there is no thought, is there still consciousness? Is there still "intelligence" as we know it?

Why are there so many questions and no answers?

Answers are created to satisfy the mind. If answers exist at all, they are merely brief resting points -- a comma or a semi-colon, rather than a period. After a while, you will realise that all intellectualization has to stop at a certain point.

You don't attempt to understand music; you listen and you enjoy the sheer pleasure of its melody, harmony and rhythm. Perhaps even dance to it.

If you want to truly appreciate music, you will maintain silence and try not to ruin the experience by talking at the same time.

Do you want to know what's behind the mind? If you do, then let the mental noise stop. 

Stop.

And listen.

When the mental noise stops, there is music. And the entire universe dances to it.

Reclaiming Silence

Life has been noisy lately.

The challenge for me has always been to remain engaged in the world without getting entangled in its myriad intrigues. One must learn to swim in a world of noise, without getting drowned.

Underneath all the noise is the ever-present silence; this silence is a sanctuary. It is the bedrock of one's sanity. And so I shall continue to write for to write is to reclaim one's silence, and hence one's sanity.

The mind knows when it is losing its inner silence. Judgement goes haywire; instinct misses its mark. Sloth and torpor creeps in. The mind needs recalibration. The body needs purification. The soul needs rediscovery.

How does one handle this constant assault of noise?

Understand its underlying structure of entanglements--the sources and sinks in this continuum of energy. Realise the fact that some of the noises come from yourself. Know your own contribution to this world of noise. Noise equals inefficient usage of energy. The perfect machine generates no noise.

No noise comes out from a purified mind. Everything that comes out from such a mind is music. This music lives in the air as if it has always been there, as if it belongs there--like the evening breeze and the sweet scents from garden flowers.

To produce music, one must have a sense of rhythm. The rhythm of the ticking clock; the rhythm of night and day; the rhythm of human affairs. Master this rhythm.

Life is perfect when work has the effortless quality of music. Work is produced naturally from the instrument of the mind and body. Like music from a jamming session. We are totally immersed in a beautiful world of rhythm and harmony.

Music springs from silence. And silence is a part of its orchestration. Once you have silence, everything else falls into place. Words will have the sound of music.

A Life of Leisure

I've finally managed to complete my long overdued upgrade to the new Blogger template. When I first started blogging in 2003, Blogger didn't have a lot of the features which come standard with any blogsite today: things like comments, tags/labels and blog titles were not supported.

Only paying pro-Blogger users were allowed to upload pictures to their blogs. We had to integrate comment services and picture-hosting from other free service provider sites; blog entry titles had to be hardcoded in HTML. That is why you still see these ugly double titles appearing for all my old posts. And also, now that I'm using the Blogger commenting feature, all old comments are not displayed anymore.

Even though I have been blogging less and less frequently lately, I don't intend to stop doing so. I'll blog whenever I find those bits and pieces of time in between more "important" tasks. There are so many things vying for my time, but this year, I hope to allocate more time for leisure activities such as blogging.

Despite my hectic work schedule last year, I'm quite surprised that I still managed to read quite a number of books. Among the books that I thoroughly enjoyed last year were Chin Peng's autobiography, Alias Chin Peng: My Side of History; Marquez's Memories of my Melancholy Whore, Theroux's Hotel Honolulu plus all the 3 volumes of Ted Miles's diaries. In general however, I'd usually go for non-fiction, unless there's something interesting from Marquez, Kundera or Theroux.

One of my many eccentricities is a fondness for reading musical scores. Classical music is one of my major passions, and I find my enjoyment of the classics greatly enchance if I am able to read and listen to the music at the same time. Hence I also collect musical scores. Whenever I go to Borders, I'd try to check out their collection of music books. Among my most treasured possessions in my library now is a wonderful five-volume set containing the complete piano works of Beethoven, which I'd chanced upon in Jakarta.

The Internet is a great place to download sheet music and so many of them are available free. I also find musical notation visually and aesthetically pleasing--it's like calligraphy. (Calligraphy is also one of my many interests).

I must admit: I have way too many hobbies to pursue! That is why I am always reluctant to take up things like golf or diving--they are simply too time-consuming and not to mention, expensive. There are only so many hours in a day, and so many days in one's lifetime. I have no choice but to prioritize.

I've always believed in the healthy formula of 8 hours sleep, 8 hours work and 8 hours leisure in a day. If we manage our time well, we should have sufficient time to enjoy our favourite leisure activities, and also to blog about them too!