Mastering the Dualities

Mastering the Dualities

There's always a price to pay for anything that you do in life. Everyone knows that. Unfortunately not everyone is good at identifying the hidden costs involved. And not everyone knows how to count their blessings too. So we go through life complaining about the difficulties that we have to go through and at the same time overlooking some of the simple joys that come our way.

Most of the time, people are unhappy when their experiences in life do not turn always turn out as expected. If you have high expectations, then you have to be prepared to suffer the pain of not achieving what you expected. Well, if you cannot stomach the pain, don't expect so much in first place.

Pain and pleasure always comes bundled together. The relationship between the two is like that between kinetic and potential energy. When pleasure is experienced, then pain is hidden as potential energy--it is simply not manifested yet. The intensity of pleasure that you experience is directly proportional to the potential pain that will manifest itself when the pleasure ends.

Having said that, we must also not be afraid to suffer pain because it takes pain for us to understand the folly of our desires. Pain is a great teacher. The dualities--pain and pleasure, happiness and sadness, love and hate--arise because we deliberate introduce the perturbation in first place through our desires. We desire positive over negative, yang over yin. Once the oscillation is set into motion, the pendulum swings between the two extremes. You cannot experience one without the other.

To live is to experience the dualities. It is through this experience that you gain the ability to see things with equanimity. Soon you learn not be too carried away by the roller-coaster ride of sense experience; you simply see things as they are--the good and the bad, the positive and the negative, without judgement. You take them as they come along and act accordingly.

Every action that you take with have positive and negative reactions, but you must be consciously aware of the system of forces involved. Every situation in life is a combination of many subtle forces, each pulling or pushing in a different direction. With experience, you are able to sum up the situation instinctively at an instant and know how to act accordingly.

Everyone of us is a bundle of many contradictory forces. A person must always act in full awareness of all the forces that are at work within him. To act in ignorance of these forces is to court unnecessary pain. And when pain is encountered, we'll have to analyze the situation at hand and resolve it to its component forces. Only then can the right course of action be taken.

A man of wisdom is one who has internalized the calculus of pain and pleasure. Like I've said before, you don't need to understand fluid mechanics to be a good swimmer; you learn the behaviour of water instinctively through practice and experience.

Similarly, one must learn to swim safely through the continuum of experience called life by having an instinctive awareness of all the forces at work.

How do we develop this instinctive awareness?

Practice, practice and more practice. Go out there and embrace life. The world is like a gymnasium for the soul, and membership is free.

The 90% Solution

The 90% Solution

I remember when I was young, I possessed great patience when it comes to reading. I didn't mind reading books which I barely understood; the mere act of holding a book, turning its crisp pages, and trying to grasp the meaning of every sentence was in itself a great pleasure. Difficult books never turned me off. I would plough through every page dilligently, from cover to cover, simply because I was enthralled by the act of reading itself. The ability to read was to me a privilege and a blessing.

If someone were to dump me on a desert island with a sufficient supply of books, I think I'll be able to survive quite happily there. I don't read to acquire knowledge; reading to me is simply one of the greatest pleasures in life. And a relatively cheap one too compared to some of our other material indulgences.

We often think of books as being expensive; but that is simply because we treat them as disposable items, to be used once and discarded. I don't see it that way, books are life-time companions. What you read is part of your life's experience. Books are your memory banks. You can pull them out from the shelves, and relive your favourite moments anytime. To throw them away is to erase a part of your soul.

These days, reading is becoming a bit of a strain to my eyes because I spend a disproportionate amount of my waking hours sitting in front of the computer screen. I have to resort to audiobooks to give my tired eyes a rest. Still I'd always try to find time, either sitting at a cafe, mamak stall or propped up in bed, with a good book for company--reading the old-fashioned way. I call that a book date.

Contrary to popular belief, most Malaysians are actually fond of reading; just that they have a preference for light stuff, like newspapers or magazines, especially when its free. Reading newspapers, like surfing the Net, does not demand prolonged concentration. People do have a natural curiosity for knowledge--provided that it doesn't require a lot of hardwork. They will only read something if it is served in convenient bite-sized portions.

Sitting immobile with a dead tree book, scanning line after line of monotonous text is certainly not a fun and exciting thing to do. Furthermore there's the extra effort required in visualizing in one's mind what the author is trying to describe. That's awful hard work.

It's certainly more fun watching TV or going on a chat session with a stranger online or texting friends on your handphone. The attention span of the young, fed on satellite TV and music videos, is getting shorter and shorter. We are so used to having a fresh stimulus every second. Sooner or later we will have to teach our schoolchildren how to concentrate, in addition to reading and writing.

Perhaps it's alright. Times have changed. People's behaviour and lifestyle evolve. Children today can pick up things a lot faster. Look at how at ease they are with computers and electronic gadgets. Children are getting smarter.

Or are they really?

With the overload of information and stimulus that we are receiving, are we actually producing better minds? Can we produce quality thoughts without the ability to concentrate? Are our minds so brilliant now that we require only split seconds to make quality decisions? Or are we simply mistaking superficiality for brilliance?

I don't know. I see evidence of superficiality everywhere. What scares me is that many people don't seem to recognize the fact that they are only using a small portion of their minds. If that 10% is already sufficient for them to appear "brilliant", imagine what they can do if they only know how to tap the other 90%.

How do we discover that remaining 90%?
Go read a book.

Nocturnal High

Nocturnal High

"Used to say, I like Chopin...love me now and again"
- Gazebo (an all-time karaoke favourite)

I spent my evening today listening to Chopin's Nocturnes. I've been enjoying these wonderful pieces ever since I was a teenager and they still bring as much joy and beauty to me as the first time I listened to them.

The Nocturne genre was first invented by the Irish composer John Field but it was brought to the heights of perfection by Chopin. Unlike the more formal classical forms of Sonata or Piano Concerto, the Nocturne is a short and quiet mood piece, like a tonal poem--hence its name, a "night song".

Throughout Chopin's short lifetime of 39 years, he composed about 20 of these pieces, the most widely known one, I believe is Nocturne in E-Flat, Op. 9, No. 2. Most piano students would be familiar with this piece as it is relatively short and "easy" to play. My personal favourite is the B Flat Minor Opus 9 No. 1, composed by Chopin when he was 22 years old.

Chopin, whose works are almost entirely composed for the pianoforte. represents the true spirit of the Romantic Era. Who could produce pieces more luscious in mood and feeling than this poet of the piano? His Nocturnes are so ornately touching, so full of heart-wrenching melancholy, listening to them makes me feel like a love-sick schoolboy all over again.

Whenever I feel I'm getting too caught up again in my cold and analytical mode of thinking, all I need to do is to doubleclick on my Chopin MP3 collection, and allow myself to be washed away by the sheer lushness of the music. It is kind of reassuring to know that I am still capable of feeling "romantic".

A critic once wrote: "Chopin s nocturnes...plunge us into reveries more delicious than the visions of an opium eater." I couldn't agree more. With music like Chopin's Nocturnes, who needs drugs?

Childhood's Beginning

Childhood's Beginning

I remember my early childhood very well; the friends I had, the songs we sang in school, the games we played...

Thinking back, I'm grateful that I had the chance to grow up in a small town at a time when the distractions of satellite TV, computer games and Internet were non-existent. It was a much simpler and quieter world. We spent most of our time outdoors; the countryside became our playground--the dense belukars that fringed our school and neighbourhood, the ubiquitous rubber trees that stood guard along the roadsides, savage tropical rivers that swelled to a thick ominous brown whenever it rained, and deep dark nights filled with the noises of insects and nocturnal birds.

And the songs we sang in kindergarten and school: I loved singing those folk songs that our music teacher, Mr Chin made us learn: songs like Ikan Kekek, Chan Mali Chan, Geylang Sipaku Geylang, Suriram, Lenggang Mak Limah and Burung Ketilang. We would sing with great gusto to the raw accompaniment of his accordion. There were English songs too: the ones that I distinctly remember are Planting Rice (Planting rice is never fun. Bend from morn til the set of sun. Cannot stand and can not sit. Cannot rest for a little bit!), When the Saints Go Marching In and Kookaburra. I wonder if they still teach these songs in primary school.

I had lots of great friends in school and around my neighbourhood: Sandy, Andre and Wendy, who lived next door were a couple of years older than me and they taught me how to play all the popular board games -- Monopoly, Scrabble, Cluedo and Spy Ring. Those board games filled many happy afternoons of our school holidays. Thinking back, they were the best influence on me; they were all voracious readers, introducing me to books by Alistair Maclean and got me hooked on them as well. Later Sandy and I would share a passion for the Bond novels of Ian Fleming.

In school, my close friends were Fauzi, Adrian, Tet Hing and Rajasurian. I could recall many happy afternoons playing soccer together. Adrian was very knowledgeable about the English league, and was crazy about Arsenal. He had a wonderful collection of Shoot magazine, which we all devoured together.

I don't know how it happened but over the years, we lost contact with one another. Some moved to other schools, some dropped out. Little by little we all got ourselves drowned in the worldly cares of adulthood.

But still I'll always remember those halcyon days of childhood. They are an important part of my kernel. When you have such a wonderful foundation of memories anchored within, no matter how stressed you are or how miserable life may seem at times, you will always be able to see things in its proper perspective.

You remind yourself that you were once a happy child, and no matter what happens, no one can take that away from you. And you realise that it's not so much that the world out there has changed, for one can always find wonder and enchantment anywhere; just that the lustre in your eyes has dulled, your curiosity has waned and you have lost that inner magic, that ability to see the world with the all-embracing innocence of a child.

And all you need to do is to grow up from your adulthood, and learn to see the world as a child again.

The Idiot Within

The Idiot Within

The world we have made as a result of the level of thinking we have done thus far creates problems we cannot solve at the same level of thinking at which we created them - Albert Einstein

Thinking, thinking, thinking. Can we ever be free from thinking?

If your thinking faculty is not fully developed, society calls you an idiot. So you spend all your growing up years trying to acquire a good education, that you can be accepted into society as an intelligent person.

You take pride in being a thinking person, living in an open democratic society, participating in the affairs of the world. You are quick to condemn people whom you think are incompetent, stupid and ignorant. You begin to develop an intolerance for fools.

You believe that the ability to argue, criticize and point out other people's mistakes is the hallmark of a brilliant mind. So you become more vocal in your condemnation of others; you fraternize with people who share your opinion (brilliant minds think alike), and think of yourselves as being the voice of the people.

You fight for your ideas to be accepted. You fight with such conviction because you believe deeply in the justice of your cause. And you find yourself clashing with people who think differently. You are surprised that these people too believe in their cause with as much conviction as you do. But still you are absolutely convinced that yours is the correct one. Why can't they get it?

You see this pattern being repeated again and again throughout the course of human history. The clash between opposite sides would sometimes yield a victor but such victories are never conclusive. The seeds of discontentment are temporarily buried, only for them to sprout again once there's a nurturing soil. And so the human race progresses--the victors suppressing the vanquished and the vanquished rising again to oppose the victors in some other form.

It is a very costly way to progress. We are so used to thinking in this kind of dualistic mode--supporters and opposers, good and evil, black and white. It is as if this is the only way of thinking that we humans are capable of.

Why can't we all start from a position of uncertainty for a change? Why can't we all admit that we don't know and we are not certain. Why can't we all sit on one side and say, we are not sure what's right But let's try this. If it doesn't work, let's try that. If that doesn't work, let's relook at the way we are thinking. Let's take a step back and from our usual way of thinking. Let's unthink ourselves. Let's explore together, instead of trying to out-argue each other.

No, it's not possible. We need strong beliefs and conviction to progress. We need leadership. We need to rouse the masses and lead them forward towards a common cause, a common destiny. Uncertainty equals weakness. No one will follow us if we are uncertain. Let's fight for our beliefs!

What makes one belief better than the other? Is reason alone sufficent to weigh the merits of each belief? First of all: do we all even reason the same way? What is reason? How do we reason out reason itself?

Which brings me back to the point in Einstein's quote: We cannot solve our current problems using existing modes of thinking. But how do we develop this higher level of thinking? Through more education? More information?

I suspect not. We need to stop thinking for a while.

Stop.

We have forgotten what's it's like to be an idiot. We have got caught up in all this noise which we call thinking. We have forgotten where original ideas come from. Our stream of thinking is so fast and ceaseless that we fail to notice that there are actually gaps between our thoughts.

Dive into these gaps, and find out for yourself. Talk to that forgotten idiot within. Maybe then you'll get some truly fresh ideas.

Night Thoughts in Colombo

Night Thoughts in Colombo

I arrived in Colombo yesterday, after months of being marooned in KL. It feels good to be travelling again--being away always helps to unclog the mind of stale thoughts. I was a bit disappointed that I wasn't able to get a room at the Galle Face this time, but The Continental is not bad. Actually, in terms of service and facilities, it is a much better hotel. I always get a room with a seaview here.

And this time round, I'm given the quaintest of accomodations: a corner room with glass on two sides--almost like a showroom suspended in the sky, surrounded by a magnificent vista of the Indian Ocean. I sleep at night staring right into the darkness of the horizon, to the sound of waves crashing on the shore beneath.

In the 50s and 60s, Colombo was probably a much grander city than KL, but it has gone to slumber over the last few decades, and the cities in South East Asia have all overtaken Colombo to become gigantic regional shopping malls-- meccas of crass consumerism. Does Colombo want to go the same way too?

Sometimes I feel that, even though we have gained so much in terms of economic prosperity, we have also lost a lot. We have forgotten what it was like to live a simple life with sufficient wants. Many of us could theoretically reduce our consumption of things by half and would still have pretty comfortable lives. If we are all willling to do so, all the things that we complain so much about--the traffic jams, the pollution, the stress of working--will be reduced by many fold.

But are we willing to do so? No, because we worship progress. And how do we define progress? The ability to consume more, especially things that we don't need.

The more we consume, the more producers can produce, and the more wealth will be generated so that the masses can afford to consume even more. This cycle of progress have to be fed continuously, even if it means losing the natural pleasures of clean rivers, fresh air and a noise-free environment. Are we getting our priorities right?

Maybe not. Then are there other alternatives? I don't know.

The evolution of human civilization has a certain momentum of its own. It goes through certain evolutionary phases, each of which requires all its energy to be exhausted, before consolidation happens, bringing forth a better and more stable evolutionary path.

We have created the world in which we live in through our seemingly trivial everyday decisions--what we buy, what we watch on TV, what we eat. One bad habit leads to another, and after a while, we begin to assume that these bad habits are "basic needs".

We will all go on consuming, until the fallout is too painful for us to bear anymore. Then only are we willing to take the pain of reexamining our lifestyle. Well, maybe that's a problem for the next generation.

At the meantime, I'll just enjoy the sunset every evening here in Colombo and let the rolling waves of the Indian Ocean lull me to sleep every night.

A Lesser Life

A Lesser Life

There were a few blog topics floating in my head for the past few days. But when I actually find the time to finally put them to words, I have forgotten what they were. It's OK, because they will resurface again. They probably need more incubation time anyway. So let's talk about somethiing else today.

Let's talk about my favourite city, Jakarta. I haven't written much about Indonesia for a while; once upon a time, that was almost the only subject I wrote about. But still occasionally, I'd catch up with news from my second home through the Jakarta Post. Today, while browsing through their website, I read a report about the roof collapsing at a little known discotheque called "Monggo Mas", located on Jalan Hayam Wuruk.

I actually have a snapshot of the alley where Monggo Mas is located in my photoblog (the discotheque is just down the road, next to the mammoth Ecstasy haunt called Stadium). It is right in the heart of Kota, the Chinatown of Jakarta. Reading the Jakarta Post report, I was quite amused when it mentioned that "the roof fell in at about 2 a.m., when the disco, one of the city's busiest, had already closed for the night.". As far as I know, the whole area only comes to life after 2 a.m.

The picture in my photoblog was taken in the early evening, maybe around 6pm. So the entire alley looked quite empty. But when it gets dark, it becomes such an interesting place. An entire world flourishes right within that alley--a bustling hodgepodge community of hawkers, buskers, drug peddlers, mamasans, teen prostitutes, beggars, sex tourists, taxi drivers plus the ubiquitous men who seem to spend their entire lives in the streets, indulging in their favourite pastime: nongkrong. It's a fascinating ecosystem by itself. I've always felt that there's enough material there for a PhD thesis.

Actually when I was there, I had plans to write an article about Kota for a local magazine, after I had finished tackling the article on Sukarno's life in Bandung. But now I'll leave that for the enjoyment of some other eccentric scholar with nothing better to do. The Jakarta chapter of my life is closed...at least for now.

Back in KL, it's a complete different life. It takes some getting used to but I'm not complaining. Sometimes though I can't help feeling a bit like the Ray Liotta character in Goodfellas:

(Ending scene, voiceover narration)
Everything was for the taking. And now it's all over. And that's the hardest part. Today everything is different, there's no action. Can't even get decent food...I ordered some spaghetti with marinara sauce, and I got egg noodles and ketchup...

I wanted Indomie rebus with kopi tubruk. All I get is Maggi sup and teh tarik. It's not the same thing.

The Last Commuter

The Last Commuter

I'm very fond of taking public transportation and would try to do so whenever circumstances permit. During all my years in Singapore and Jakarta, I relied solely on taxis, trains, buses and bajajs to get around and never once did I feel hampered. I actually felt that it was a blessing to be free from having to drive.

Last Wednesday morning, instead of driving downtown to KL for my weekly project meeting, I found an excuse to take the KTM Kommuter train. Now, taking trains and buses during rush hour in KL is certainly not a comfortable experience: there's often hardly any standing room one has to be constantly on the alert for pickpockets.

But I don't mind these minor inconveniences because I enjoy being anonymous in the crowd, observing the behaviour of people, especially the working classes. This something that you don't often get to do, especially if you are a middleclass yuppie, living in your Matrix-perfect world of office cubicles, Starbucks, bistros and BMWs. Which is also why I often enjoy travelling alone: you get to observe so much because you are not distracted by the need to indulge in idle talk.

It's usually difficult to get a seat on the KTM Kommuter during rush hour. That day, I stood all my way to KL Sentral from Subang Jaya. That's not a problem for it's only a half-hour ride. At KL Sentral, I had to switch to the Putra LRT to take me to KLCC. The station was crowded but I was pleasantly surprised that people actually queued up, while waiting for the LRT to arrive. I didn't know Malaysians do that--I don't even remember Singaporeans doing the same at their MRT stations.

In Singapore, you see people perpetually plugged into their Walkmans (or iPods nowadays). Malaysians don't seem to have that habit. I'm fond of plugging into an audiobook myself whenever I commute. I've 'read' so many books that way during my years in Singapore.

But these days, I'm not so preoccupied with the need to feed my brain. I am happy just reading and observing the endless stream of thoughts that pop out from my mind. I realized that the most interesting book is the book which you carry in your own head.

My entire trip from Subang Jaya to KLCC took me about an hour--which is about the same time it takes to drive there on a typical working day. I had an hour to spare before my meeting, and so I treated myself to a breakfast of teh tarik and roti kosong at the Pelita Nasi Kandar restaurant--my KL substitute for the kopi tubruk and Indomie breakfast that used to have in Jakarta.

On my trip home, I took the LRT, Kommuter and finally a Bas Mini back to my house. This brought back good memories of my student days when I used to take the Bas Mini from PJ to Chow Kit. Looks like the mini bus has not lost any of its old quirks (belakang, belakang, masuk lagi!, masuk lagi!). Some things don't change but that's the charm of KL.

There was also an unexpected downpour in between which got me held up at the Kommuter station for more than half-an-hour. Nevertheless, it was a pleasant change from my usual driving routine. I intend to do this more often. I used to treat my overseas business trips as opportunities for adventure and discovery. Now that I don't travel out of the country as often, I'll have to find ways to make my commute to the city a mini-adventure.

When I came back to KL two years ago(!), I wanted to rediscover KL as if I was a foreigner. I had a series of projects planned (similar to what I did in Jakarta and Bandung) but so far work commitments have prevented me from doing anything of this sort. I don't know how long I'll have to work like this.

Why am I working so hard ? What do I want to achieve?

Simple: so that one day, I can afford to live without a car and have the luxury of taking public transportation.

The Quiet Grace of Sattva

The Quiet Grace of Sattva

I'm keeping an extremely hectic schedule these days but hopefully this phase will pass and I'll get to blog more regularly. Finally, the city will be quiet for a week with everyone going back to their hometowns for the Chinese New Year holidays. It's a much welcome break indeed, but for me it's time to catch up on my backlog of work.

Before that I have to open my previous year's angpow! I have such a bad habit of receiving angpows every year and then forgetting about them until I realize that it's that time of the year again. I won't mind the spare cash though--saves me a trip to the ATM machine. I'm sure everyone noticed how horrendous the queues at the ATMs and banks have been these past few days. (Why do Malaysians use so much cash?)

Celebrations for the Chinese Lunar New Year is as usual a noisy affair. The Chinese are very rajasic people, that's why they do very well in business. The New Year celebrations is a time to stir up the yang energy so that the year kicks off with a certain expansive force. Everything has to be in loud auspicious red; every word, gesture, thought and action has to be forward-looking, energetic and progressive. The Chinese are the masters of positive thinking.

But I think the challenge that most Chinese people face is balance. In their zeal for material expansion, they sometimes forget that the yang has to be balanced with the yin. They want things to happen fast but don't realize that sometimes you need to let things find their own rhythm.

This unrelenting drive for progress is definitely the key to the material success of so many Chinese, but sometimes I feel they don't always see the price that they have to pay for it. I think a bit of Javanese ethic--alon-alon asal kelakon--would bring about a healthier balance in the Chinese soul. The Javanese mind is so full of sattva (calmness, serenity, purity), but the Chinese often mistake that for tamas (dullness and inactivity).

There are also people who think that they are full of sattva, when in fact it is just an excuse for indulging in tamas. That is something that the Chinese fear so much--perhaps too much. Inactivity = dullness, stupidity and uselessness.

The sattva state is not one of inactivity, but one of harmony and balance, of grace and wisdom.

While we immerse ourselves in the happy and boisterous celebrations to welcome the auspicious new year, let's all not forget also to welcome the quiet grace of sattva into our lives. It will certainly make all that material wealth that we strive so hard to acquire so much more meaningful.

Happy Chinese New Year!

Do You Understand?

Do You Understand?

You are sitting on your chair, staring at your computer screen. What is your mind doing? You are reading these words, attempting to understand what I'm trying to say.

Now, when you attempt to "understand" something, what you are doing is that, you are performing a comparison between what I'm trying to point out and what you have experienced and learned before. Certain things are difficult to understand because you have no similar experience in your memory. There is no basis for comparison.

You attempt to analyze each word and sentence to see if there's a logical thread that you can follow. But the understanding that comes would still depend on your experience of words. You must guess what I mean when I'm using a particular word. A word like "cow" has a very objective meaning. So there's no ambiguity. But sometimes they are words like "effulgent", which is rich in imagery but vague in meaning.

Therein lies the problem of communication. Words like "cow" is clear because it maps to something physical. But they don't convey more than what the physical object represents. To describe something more about the object, you have to use adjectives: "a hungry cow".

We all understand what a "hungry cow" is because we have all experienced hunger before. So the imagery of a "hungry cow" stirs up the experience of hunger in our memory. And we say, we understand what a "hungry cow" means.

But what is a "soul"? What do we even mean when we say "soul"? Has anyone seen a soul before?

Even so, all of us would agree, that we kind of understand what a soul is, don't we? We would even go so far as to use the word soul, to describe somethin inanimate, such as a car. "This car has a soul". Car lovers out there will certainly claim to "understand" what it means.

But we are now venturing into a slightly more fuzzy area here. Do we mean exactly the same thing when we talk about the "soul" of a car? Does it stir up the same feeling (like in the case of "hunger") in every one of us? Does it mean that the car has "character"? Or does it mean that it behaves in a quirky manner? Or does it have a "soul" because it stirs up such strong emotions in us. Perhaps it's all of these. Who knows. Does it matter?

The experience of the word "soul" could be different for every individual. We have built an understanding of the word from our encounter with the word in different situations, and arrived at a mental "concensus". Subconsciously, through the processs of elimination, we have narrowed down its meaning, but yet never precisely defining it. But we feel quite sure that we are somewhere in the ballpark.

Therein also lies the power of words. Most of the words in our volcabulary do not have precise meanings, or poets would have been out of a job long ago. When words are not precisely defined, they have enormous potential to stir up the imagination. Then we can use words such as an "effulgent soul", and just let the vagueness of its meaning seep into our...er...soul.

When the boundary of words are nebulous, they are like musical notes. We can combine any combination of notes to shape and stir up the appropriate emotional reaction in the reader. When people say that they cannot understand poetry, then they are probably not approaching it with the right frame of mind. Do you always attempt to understand music? No. You just listen to it, and the emotion arises. Why can't you use the same approach with poetry?

This is also why sometimes religious or spiritual texts are so difficult to "understand". They attempt to describe something that is beyond experience. So they have to resort to words that are vague (but rich) in meaning, such as "soul".

Therein also lies its danger.

We have religious people arguing over the meaning of words: Is the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit one or three different entities? This so-called Problem of the Trinity caused so much crisis in the early Church. So many have been labelled heretics for disagreeing with the official definition of the day.

We find such disagreements common when it comes to things involving spirituality and religion. You will have one group saying, there's only one Universal Soul, which we call God and another will say, no, there are many souls, each a small fragment of the Universal Soul. And then they are intermediate souls, which are "gods" that are lower than the Universal Soul. And another will come along and say, no, ultimately, even the Universal Soul is an illusion. There's only emptiness and so on and so forth.

And so we spend our entire human history arguing about such things, waging wars and persecuting people who don't agree with our definition of words--words that we ourselves do not exactly "understand". But yet we are so passionate about them-- passionate enough to kill.

We have agnostics, atheist, monoatheists, polyatheists, pantheists, henotheists and what-have-you. Labels and more labels to identify ourselves with. But do they contribute to more understanding? Pick your favourite label and convince yourself that you understand what they are trying to say. And then force the rest of the world to believe that your interpretation is the correct one, because you "understood", and it looks so clear to you.

Which brings us to the root of the problem: What is understanding? What do we mean when we say that we "understand"?

Do you understand what I'm trying to say? No?

Never mind! :-)

A Voyeur of Vrittis

A Voyeur of Vrittis

Sometimes the mind is brimming with words which you simply want to put down to paper (or computer); sometimes the words just wouldn't come out. But one thing is for sure: the mind is never quiet--there's always movement and thought. When the supposedly right words wouldn't come out, it's because there are other words that are louder, reverberating in your head. If you'd just observe those words and capture them on paper, you'll have your blog entry for the day.

But not all thoughts are worth listening to. They are often repetitive, trite and petty. Let these thoughts rise and let them subside. Let them work out their restlessness. If you'd leave them alone, they will all go away.

The yogis call the activities of the mind citta vrittis. Literally, it means "whirlpools" of the mind, or "mind-waves". The mind is always vibrating with vrittis. As one subsides, another arises. When one impression hits the mind, it stirs up a host of other vrittis. Once in motion, it is very difficult for the mind to stop. Even in sleep, these vrittis are still at work as dreams.

The calm and meditative person is aware of his vrittis and can hold them in check. Those who fail to control them, end up being their slaves. When these vrittis are unchecked for a long time, they grow in strength and become even more difficult to control.

Hence you see the behaviour of most people are often very predictable. The same set of stimulus brings about the same set of responses. As the pattern gets repeated over and over again, they reinforce themselves. Mental habits are thus formed.

That is why it is so difficult for us to change. We never control these vrittis when they are small. And when they have cut deep channels in your brain, your behaviour becomes automatic.

Even when we attempt to suppresss our citta vrittis, they never die away--they merely sink back into their dormant form. The energy is still there, and they are ever-ready to pounce up again, once the right sets of conditions are in place.

Sometimes you see married couples argue about the same things over and over again. One vritti arises in one party, rousing a similar pattern of vrittis in the other. There's mutual reinforcement of mind-waves, and the oscillations become very strong. One small ripple, and the whole tidal wave comes crashing in.

Only when we analyze our vrittis and resolve them to their causal states, can we finally put them to rest. In the words of the yogis, only when you "fry the seeds' of these vrittis, will they cease to sprout again.

To resolve the vrittis to their causal states, we must observe them quietly and understand their behaviour. Why did they arise? Your mind is your instrument and your laboratory. Find out the root causes of their agitation. Be a voyeur of your own mind. Only then, will you be a master of your own destiny.

The Religious Impulse

The Religious Impulse

I got hold of a smart card reader the other day and checked the contents of my MyKad: it had all my information recorded correctly. Even my TIADA AGAMA (no religion) status. Perfect.

Let's talk a bit about religion. I've written about religion as being a structure to guide the follower on the path towards spiritual awakening. Structures can either be liberating or restrictive, depending on how they are applied. A cage and a ladder are both structures. One confines, the other elevates.

All religions in this world started as ladders, built by divinely inspired men--they all help us to climb to greater spiritual heights. But over time these formal religions have been turned by their very followers into cages, confining our thinking and poisoning us with dogmas and superstitions. The more I explore, the more I find the differences between the popular religions trivial. Sure, there are lots of differences in terms of rules, rituals and doctrines. But these are not the most important aspects of religion.

Some people think that without religion, we will have no morals and society will plunge into decadence. I'm of the opinion that we don't need religion to teach us morals. Some scientists even believe that the moral sense is in-built in our biology. We don't need a divine book to tell us what is good and what is bad. An immoral society self-destructs over time. A society exists because a certain critical mass of the population adheres to an acceptable standard of moral conduct. Those who don't will eliminate themselves sooner or later.

Religion serves something higher than regulating moral conduct in a society. There is also no need to invent religion just to have pre-cooked answers to pseudo-philosophical questions such as, "What happens after death?" "Where do we come from", "What is the purpose of our existence?"

We can argue all our lives and fight wars among ourselves about these things and still not come to a conclusive answer. It is pointless. Choose your favourite religious book, and start defending its "truth". Soon you will fine, there's no end to it: One "truth" is as good as another, if such "truths" are important at all.

Then of what purpose is religion?

Let me answer that with another question: Why do rivers flow to the sea?

Religion is a response to a universal urge--the urge to understand and transcend existence. Where does this urge come from? Why can't we lead happy and contented lives without all the burdensome obligations, guilt and conflicts created by religion?

Like it or not, there is this spiritual impulse inside all of us. Even the most lustful and brutish man has it. It is this divine impulse that drives us forward and shape us into who we are now: a suffering creature, with all the angst, guilt and fear in us, because we have not been able to respond in the best manner to this impulse.

You could be ambitious, selfish, vain and violent. But it is your own personal choice of actions that make you so, in response to an urge to find "meaning". The urge gives you that energy, pushing you forward, but you are not conscious of it as something spiritual. It is merely raw energy and desire to you. So you tell yourself: I want all this because I enjoy it and it makes me feel good. My life is "meaningful" because I spend my life pursuing what I enjoy.

So your surge forward blindly, with no consciousness of your soul. And because your choice of actions are imperfect, energy is lost as "friction". And this is invariably manifested as pain. The pain or friction is but a signal telling you that you are off course; it lets you know that you are not utilizing your energy in the most optimum fashion. After a while, after suffering so much pain, you begin to learn to fine-tune your responses to this impulse.

Ultimately all that pain that you go through will help you correct your course. No matter how much a river meanders or deviates from that shortest path to the sea, it will still find its way there. Some are forced to take a more torturous path because of the difficult terrain that they find themselves in. But all will obey the same natural laws of energy and gravitation.

The whole history of human civilisation--our quest for glory, power and happiness--is a response to this spiritual impulse. Collectively, humanity has suffered great pains and will continue to suffer more, until we learn to cast aside our selfish desires and learn to live as a single species, with a common destiny.

Why does our universe have this spiritual impulse to evolve, to create, to grow, to suffer and finally to return back to its source?

The fact that you are asking such questions shows that you are already a part of this quest or movement--that unfolding process that ultimately seeks to return to its source. Any answer we attempt to come up with now will still fall short because we are looking for intellectual answers. Intelligence is merely a quality of the mind, and the mind is another by-product of the unfolding universe. We need to transcend the mind and intelligence itself.

All our minds are at difference stages of evolution, you will find some answers that pleases you now but as you learn and experience more, you will find such answers unsatisfactory. That's how the mind works. It is an imperfect instrument but it is still the best tool for exploring our inner world because it can be continously refined.

How then shall we respond to this spiritual urge then?

Self-realization, as always is the first step. You and everyone else in the universe are part of this quest. Everyone is an explorer. No one has all the complete answers. So move step by step. Examine every thought that comes into your mind. Examine every consequence of your action. Fine-tune them. Do not impose your views on others because your knowledge is gained from your limited view of the world, with the limited instrument of your imperfect mind.

Continuous examination of one's thoughts and actions. Awareness. Stillness. Meditation. These are the things that will bring forth spiritual realization. Formal religions are merely "best practices". Ultimately, you, as an existential being, will have to face this spiritual quest alone, with the only instruments that you possess--your mind and your body.

Through constant and regular practice, layer after layer of ignorance will be peeled away, and together with it, the dissolution of the ego. And slowly, you will find that the divine soul within will be revealed to you ultimately, and then you will face God alone, and see Him, in all His glorious splendour.

Just Listening

Just Listening

It's strange to wake up to the chirping of birds here in the city, even in the suburb where I live; but there was the pleasant chirping of birds outside my window this morning, and I vowed to take more notice of such things.

Pure listening is such a beautiful thing, if we only know how to do so. It is something that is not easy to come by because the moment we hear a sound--could be something someone said, could be music from next door or something from the TV--we immediately form an opinion ("that's a stupid idea", "I hate Britney Spears", "not another reality TV show").

Try listening to something without judging, without forming a mental reaction; you'll find that it's so very difficult. Listening always come with a reaction. Even when we are listening to something neutral, like say instrumental music, something in the mind or body always stirs--the memory of a former love, the scenes of childhood or a deep longing for a certain time or place.

Pure unreactive listening, if we care to cultivate it, can be a wonderful act of meditation--a portal into that inner state of bliss that some of us find so hard to attain. To quote Krishnamurti, "To listen there must be an inward quietness, a freedom from the strain of acquiring, a relaxed attention...It is only in listening that one hears the song of the words".

Where does this "strain of acquiring" come from? It arises from the ego. When we attempt to listen without reacting, we'll realise how shackled we are by the reaction that comes from the ego--it can never shut up! It has an opinion on everything, it's that mental static that I talked about in an earlier blog entry.

Question: Isn't this mental reaction what we would normally call intelligence? If we don't react to things, are we no different from a stupid person?

Now, "stupid" is a word that is full of judgement. Stupidity is relative. We are only stupid relative to someone else. In a way, everyone can be stupid, depending on the situation and circumstance we find ourselves in. There's always someone smarter than us in some area of human undertaking. It could be anything--mathematics, golf, driving, business or politics--doesn't matter, we can always find an area which we can be called "stupid".

But why then do we react so sensitively when someone tells us we are "stupid"? It is because the ego is threatened. The ego attaches to an image of itself as being "smart" in certain areas which it relies upon for an identity. It is also our ego that makes us quick in labelling other people as "stupid" because it is an easy way of reinforcing its image as being "smart".

If you are a bank teller, and you make mistake with in the amount of money that your customer is withdrawing and he or she scolds you as being "stupid", obviously you'll feel hurt and angry. You feel hurt because you attach your importance, identity and image to the job that you are doing. To be called incompetent in your job is a great diminishment of the ego. So you take offense to the word stupid, even though if the same remark is made about your ability in some other area, such as cooking or golf, you'll probably just laugh it off.

Now let's go back to the question. Will you ever be less intelligent than you are now if you listen without reacting? Will you ever lose a brilliant idea simply because you listen intently without judging? Certainly not. In fact, you'll even become more intelligent, because now your mind can operate clearly without the noise of the ego. You are able to let sound seep deeper into the inner recesses of your mind, where the true receptacle of creativity resides.

The ego is like an over-zealous secretary outside your door who prejudges who you see and what calls you receive; and not only that, she colours what you are about to see and hear with an unsolicited comment. What you get is not pure and pristine input anymore. It is already tainted by the filter and reaction of your ego secretary.

So listen: Allow sound and words to gently seep deeper into your consciousness. In that allowing, awareness and insight arises. Take note of it. Allow the ripples of the ego to rise and subside.

Allow it.

Yes, sounds come, sounds go, like the gentle lapping of waves on the shore. You'll be surprised that beneath the surface of reactive noise, such deep wisdom resides within you, such infinite creativity, and you'll never be so unwise as to take offense to the word "stupid" anymore.

The Quest for Perfection

The Quest for Perfection

One last blog entry before the year ends. It feels good to be tucked comfortably at home, while the rest of the world is out there partying. New Year Eve to me is a good time to reflect, to reassess and to enter into "calibration mode".

When you are young, you feel a certain restlessness, a certain longing to belong to the world, to be a part of something--a cause, an image or an idenitity. When you are older, these things don't matter so much anymore for you are more secure in your own beliefs, in your understanding of the nature of Man and the world out there. You define what is meaningful to yourself and you go about doing it. That's your dharma, your duty, the reason you were born into this world.

A lot of people fear growing old. It is a fear that one has to come to terms with sooner or later. All things in the universe are subject to decay. If we can watch nature unfold in fast-motion--like what you see in some of those nature documentaries on TV--you'll realize that nothing in this universe is static and the apparent solidity and permanence of your physical body is but an illusion.

The molecules of your body do not belong to you--they are part of the continuous flux of energy and matter that is nature. You are but a temporary conglomeration of energy and matter--like a star or a planet--that will ultimately dissolve back into that Great Void.

This illusory, Matrix-like nature of the world is something that mystics have known for ages. When you realize these things, then you begin to see your life in a completely different perspective. All this clinging to the temporary sense objects in the world seems so foolishly futile. Which is why sometimes in life we are never satisfied--nothing ever seems to be the way we want it to be. Why shoud it be? Your idea of perfection is one that is doomed to fail from the very beginning because it means shaping Nature in a certain way to suit your liking.

Nature is already perfect as it is. How can something that is already perfect be further "perfected"?

Now hang on: How can we say that Nature is perfect when you see natural disasters, wars and calamities taking away thousands of human lives every year?

When I say Nature is perfect, what I mean is that Nature cannot operate in any other way. It is the way it is. There's nothing personal about it. One can accept it or fight against it. Only acceptance brings peace and harmony with our surroundings.

Our human views of perfection are very narrow because they are ruled by our egoist and selfish ideas of what perfection should be. When we seek to create our "perfect worlds" by reengineering Nature, then we have upset the balance of forces in the world. One country seeks "perfection" at the expense of another. So the balance of forces in the world have been disturbed, and Hegelian dialectic begins.

You are conscious of your own being. You care for that small part of Nature--your body, your family, your friends, your possession, your country, your planet as "your world". You want this "world" to be perfect. But it is not a closed system, it is part of a larger system which is Nature itself. As long as you see your world as a fraction of the whole, it can never be "perfect". How can it be?

Imperfection exists because we care for a small part of the whole. But that is all that our small mortal selves are capable of. So, as long as our souls are small, and our wants are selfish, we have to accept imperfections. Take it with a sense of acceptance. Take it with resolve, with understanding, with courage, with wisdom. Take it with equanimity.

The Nature of the Effulgent Soul

The Nature of the Effulgent Soul

It's good to finally get the opportunity to blog again. So let's cut to the chase:

It's year-end, perhaps we should all slow down a little and reflect on the lessons we have learned this year before we begin another. One thing in life that I've found to be always true: there's always something to learn, always new things to discover; and whenever I stumble on some fresh insights, I marvel at the spiritual vistas that open up before my eyes.

Life is exciting because it is a never-ending school. Every lesson that is learned, elevates the soul to the next step in its evolution. I've been documenting my "progress" on this blog for more than two years now; still there are so many more insights that I have yet to put down in words. Some are difficult for me to express; if I do so, they will come out as mystical mumbo jumbo. But I will continue trying because it is this very act of putting down thoughts and insights into words that help me in my learning process.

Most men find enjoyment in sense pleasures. It is well and fine; one can probably spend one's entire life that way, shifting from one sense craving to the next. But sooner or later one will find them unsatisfactory because they never last. All sense experiences come in waves--the clinging to such waves will only bring pain.

Self-mortification and asceticism is not the answer either for they take the other extreme position--inflicting pain on oneself so that one avoids pleasure only serves to intensify one's attachment to the senses. It harms the instrument of the body, which is a necessary vehicle for the soul to progress.

The slightly more learned man finds pleasure in knowledge. He thinks of himself as "higher" than the common men and takes pride in his intelligence. I've highlighted the danger of the intellect many times in the past. Most educated men are stuck here. They think they have read enough books and come to certain conclusions and they spend the rest of their time arguing, debating and criticizing others who don't subscribe to their ideology.

The intellectual mind is a necessary instrument to progress but it can also be a great hinderance to one's spiritual progress. This hurdle has to be overcome, sooner or later. But it takes time to dissolve the intellectual ego. It takes the next great leap in the soul's evolution.

Formal religions give a certain glimpse of hope to the spiritual progress of man but it too falls short at times because they are perpetrated by less than perfect men. The true insights of religion are usually lost and get diluted when disseminated to the masses. Dogma, superstition and fanaticism take root. And so guillible are we to these things that we get attracted to religious practices that promise us material wellbeing and the guarantee of an afterlife. Like ignorant kids, we are easily taken in by acts of the supernatural, by the professed "powers" of certain "holy men". Again, another great hurdle has to be overcome.

The only true path to spiritual progress is constant practice. Kriya. ("The Malay word for work, "kerja" which comes from the same Sanskrit root, would shed light to the meaning of this word). The instruments of the mind, heart and body must be put to work. In the end no theories or dogma will bring us salvation--only the work we do in this life, from which a gradual purification of the mind, heart and body can be attained.

We are all like wound-up clocks. There's so much stored up samskaras in us. We react to the world of sense impressions and in the process, create more samskaras. As long as we have attachment towards certain sense objects, we will always react to the world and create fresh karmas. Our store of karma is always "topped up", and our souls will forever be cast out in a vast sea of senses, like flotsam, lashed about by the waves, never finding a way towards the calmness of the shore.

When I say we must "work" towards spiritual progress--we must not again see it as an external ego-driven attainment. Spiritual progress, unlike material growth is not a process of accumulation but one of "letting go". Work or kriya means constancy of purpose, being in touch with the core of one's inner being, never losing sight of the soul.

Again, when such things are put to words, they sound unnecessarily complicated. But then again, words are but imperfect expressions of the soul; they only serve to point to the Truth. Truth is ultimately, something to be perceived and experienced. It's like humour: a joke loses its impact when you try to "explain" it.

All the words that I've written mean nothing if there do not trigger that spark of realization inside, no matter how faint. It is this spark that grows slowly, day by day, gradually, turning into a steady illumination at first, and then spreading into a dazzling radiance; a radiance that is the true nature of the effulgent soul.

Mental Static

Mental Static

The extremely sparse entries in my blog recently is an indication of how hectic my work schedule has been this year. But that's alright for I always enjoy making full use of my time. My only regret is that I won't get a chance to travel to Jakarta before 2005 ends.

I spent the entire weekend doing some programming work. It has been a long time since I've done any software development but slowly, I'm regaining my old touch again. As long as I'm given a few uninterrupted days of quiet work, I can pick up any programming language. But alas "uninterrupted days" have become such a luxury lately!

It's probably not very healthy for me to be always working over weekends but I've kind of turned it into a habit. Weekends are the only time when I can be "uninterrupted". The week is starting again, so here comes another tsunami of SMSes, phonecalls and e-mails!

The best way to handle work-related stress is to see work as just a series of actions that need to be performed, irrespective of who you are dealing with. If we only focus on the task at hand and not worry too much about the response and reaction of the people whom we have to work with, work becomes less of a pressure. I've given the analogy of a craftsman at work before as the model to follow.

It is people that gives you stress, not work. You are afraid that your boss will be mad at you if you are late in submitting your report; you are afraid that your peers will look down on the quality of your work, you are afraid to be embarassed in front of your colleagues--all these things contribute to stress. It is your ego's reaction to the world that gives you so much pain, nothing else. So get rid of it.

Stress is a mental thing. It is a disease peculiar to the modern man because we have consciously chosen to lead a mental life. Animals don't face stress because they react to the world instinctively. We react to the world mentally: the result is fear, worry and stress.

An animal in danger will instinctively fight or take flight, depending on the enemy. Life is simple. Animals never commit suicide. They just live and die. The average modern man is rarely in mortal danger but somehow he makes a big fuss about dying and spends his entire life worrying about it. I'm not saying that we should be driven by our animal desires--these are usually the least of our problems--but it is craving of the mind, that incessant mental noise that is the cause of so much of our problems.

Our brains, in its "normal" mode of operation is like a short-wave radio with poor reception--full of irritating static. If we know how to eliminate it, we will achieve a much greater level of creativity and efficiency. If you are one of those who suffer from this man-made mental disease called stress, then you should know that the cause of it is nothing external but the incessant static in your head caused by compulsive negative thinking.

How do you reduce this mental static?

First, recognize that it is static. Any thought that is not creative or life-enhancing, is potentially noise. Observe the thoughts that arise in your head: how many percent of them are either negative or fear-driven? Some people have a habit of constantly criticizing the world around them: their backstabbing colleagues, their stupid customers, the incompetent government. These comments usually don't serve any useful purpose except to elevate the ego; it is merely an indirect way of emphasizing your own superiority: "I'm not like those ignorant masses". "I'm smarter than them". "I've done more than them".

After a while you'll recognize how repetitive your thoughts are. Nothing much that is new actually arises in your mind--it's the same trite negative thoughts playing itself again and again like an old record. Once you see this pattern, you've gained a step further in curing yourself of this chronic mental disease.

As long as this static occupies the greater part of your mental bandwidth, your mind will forever be operating in a degraded mode. So to regain the creative dynamism of your mind, get rid of this static first!

A Diamond Soul

A Diamond Soul

When I was a secondary school student, organic chemistry was one of my favourite subjects. I found the study of carbon-based compounds quite fascinating because there are endless variations in the way carbon combines with other elements. Carbon is also the basic building block that forms all life on this planet.

At one time in the evolution of the universe, there were no carbon. The element of carbon was formed in what is called the "triple-alpha process", where three helium atoms fuse to form carbon, deep in the interior of stars during a particular phase in their evolution. So we have to thank the stars for the abundance of life that we see around us. No one puts it more eloquently than the late American astronomer Carl Sagan: "We are star-stuff, harvesting star-light".

Carbon is a restless element. With its ability to form four covalent bonds with almost every other element especially hidrogen and oxygen, it is present everywhere in the air, sea and the earth. The blueprint of life itself, the DNA, is essentially a carbon polymer, made up of four nucleotides--guanine, adenine, cytosine and thymine ("GATTACA"). In other words, carbon is not only the building block of life, it is also Nature's "memory"--providing a persistent mechanism to encode, store and transmit information to create the multitude of lifeforms on this planet.

Why am I writing about carbon? Well, I find that we who are carbon-based creatures, exhibit some of carbon's natural tendencies too. We are eternally restless. Like carbon, we are always trying to search for perfection through external relationships. We search for the perfect life partner; we want a work environment where we can express our abilities to the fullest; we want friends who understand us and whom we can talk to--we want to shape our environment through our actions and relationships so that we can be "happy".

In the process, we are constantly frustrated because the world of form is never permanent. Happiness eludes us because no relationship can bring complete satisfaction. Our relationshp with the external world repeatedly exposes the imperfections that we carry inside. So we keep on trying to shape and reshape our bonds with the people around us, in the hope that there is a perfect combination of relationships that work. Unfortunately other people are trying to do the same too; what is perfect for you may not be perfect for other people.The whole of human history is but a neverending process of bonding and unbonding between people to find happiness and perfection.

Under intense pressure and heat, carbon turns into a crystal and becomes a diamond. In a diamond, carbon bonds with itself--each carbon atom bonds with four other carbon elements and forms a 3-D lattice of tetrahedrons--the most durable compound that can be found in nature. If there's such a thing as perfection in nature, it has to be diamonds. It is almost indestructible, yet translucent to light. Carbon finally finds its peace, within itself, by becoming a diamond. To borrow Eckhart Tolle's words, diamond is the stone's enlightenment.

We cannot find true happiness by manipulating the external world. Like carbon atoms, one day, we will have to realize that what is required is an inner transformation; a new way of looking at the world from inside-out which will bring inner and external harmony. We have to find peace within ourselves first. We have to quell the restless promptings of the ego and understand the imperfections that we harbour within.

Perhaps like diamonds too, we will have to go undergo intense pressure and pain before the soul can be transformed into something that is at peace with itself. A perfect soul, like a crystal, allows Divine Light to shine through. It exists in complete harmony with the universe, because it does not need to hold anything inside.

How do we attain that? Ask yourself, what is holding your peace inside? Is it your fear? You insecurity? Your ego? Why do you need the external world to acknowledge you before you can find happiness? Let them go. They can only impede the flow of Divine Light. Allow your soul to find its peace from within, and let yourself be guided by your inner purpose.

Allow that diamond within your soul to form.

One Moment at a Time

One Moment at a Time

It started raining early this morning. Usually a wet Monday morning would make the traffic crawl at snail's pace but thank God I do not have to join the rest of the city folks in the mad rush to work.

Before the events of the day overwhelm us, it is good to remind ourselves of what's important and what's not. Most of the things that we worry about in our daily lives are actually not that important. They are usually things that matter to the ego, and nothing more. They stem from a need to acquire more, to satisfy an ego that can never be satiated. Realizing this helps us put things into perspective.

Why do we go to work with so much anxiety in our minds? We think of all the unfinished work from last week, the meetings where we have to face the scrutiny of our peers and superiors and the thousand and one petty little things that add up to what we call stress. Collectively these things weigh down heavily on our minds.

We often forget the fact that no matter how much work or responsibilities that we have to fulfill, at any moment in time, we can only do one thing. Nothing more, nothing less. The one thing that you have to do is--whatever you are doing now.

Ensuring quality in whatever we are doing requires presence and peace of mind. If we contaminate the present with worries about the future, then we can never produce quality work. We are merely sacrificing the quality of the present moment to consider a hypothetical future that might not even occur.

The present moment is the seed for all future outcomes. The seed does not worry about how tall it will grow into when it becomes a tree or how many fruits it will bear in the future. It just grows. Simply water the seed of the present with right-minded attention and intention, and the creative forces of the universe will do the rest.

The processor in your laptop or desktop computer only executes one instruction at a time, even though on the screen, it appears to be doing a lot of things simultaneously. The processor does not "hurry". It executes at a regular clock speed, one instruction at a time, while you curse over how slow your Internet connection is.

No matter how difficult a position you are in now, at any moment in time, you can only do one thing. Execute that one thing well, without fuss. And move on to the next thing. Any other response is a merely a reflection of your need for self-pity, your identification with the Victim archetype and your ego's need to be praised and recognized.

Why make the present complicated? Take it, one moment at a time. And allow it to realize the fullness of its potential.

Lunch with the Professor

Lunch with the Professor

Last week I had lunch with an old university mate of mine who is now the dean of the faculty of engineering at a local university. I haven't met him for a very long time and I remember him as someone who is very passionate about his academic profession and maintains a very disciplined lifestyle.

Like me, he is also a "confirmed bachelor". Recalling the austere lifestyle that he used to keep, I jokingly told him that I'm becoming more and more like him these days--going to bed early and waking at 4.00am in the morning. He told me that he still keeps his old habits. We both agreed that the early hours of the morning are the best time to work.

I wanted to find out from him if his engineering faculty produces the kind of quality graduates that our former alma mater used to produce. He understood what I meant. Under-graduates today grew up in a different world: they are probably better off, they have better facilities and they also have more distractions to deal with--satellite TV, computers and the Internet.

Today's undergraduates are more computer savvy and even smarter in many ways, but unfortunately they are also deprived of the opportunity to learn to be self-starters and to make do with very little. Our generation did not have access to instant information over the Internet or the latest software tools but we were well-grounded in the basics: mathematics, mechanics and electromagnetics. That became part of our DNA. When we came out to work, we could pick up anything very easily because we had a strong foundation, and we did not expect to be spoon-fed.

In the end, it is not the content which you have acquired in school that matters, it is the nimbleness of the brain, the creativity and the thinking skills that you've learnt to apply that make all the difference.

My professor friend seemed to be happy with his job. He promised to help me should I need to hire fresh graduates of calibre from his faculty in the future. He also advised me to follow his practice of taking at least a week off from work every year. He told me of his exicting trip to the Silk Road which he made last year.

Ah, a vacation! That's something that I definitely need. In an instant, my mind raced to my beloved Indonesia again: I see vistas of lush green valleys, farmers working in the fields and I hear strains of soft Sundanese music, and I see myself in a slow train, snaking its way into its volcanic heartland...

The Way of Nature

The Way of Nature

It's that time of the year when it drizzles everyday. I love it because it is a relieve from the usual tropical heat, plus it brings out the pleasant smell of damp earth and grass, evoking nostalgic memories of childhood...

As a kid, I used to love playing soccer in the rain. Ah, those wonderful days full of Wordsworthian delight. We were closer to nature then: we knew the night sky so well--Orion's belt, the Big Dipper, the glitter of Venus above the horizon and the many metamorphoses of the moon.

Here in the city, we rarely even look up to the night sky. We have forgotten about the moon and the stars; we have lost our connection with nature. We are like lost children of God.

How do we regain our connection with the universe? How do we rediscover the Divine Innocence which we all possess inside?

We must always remember that we are part of that universal intelligence, that creative force that drives the evolution of the universe. "The force that through the green fuse, drives the flower, drives my green age...", writes Dylan Thomas.

We must tune ourselves to that creative force and understand its nature. We must listen to that inner silence that speaks. We must follow the promptings of the spirit. We must let this force drive whatever we do so that our work will bloom like flowers too.

We must learn from nature and not abuse it. We and the universe are not separate: we are one. We must take time off the TV, the computer, the shopping malls and see that out there, nature has provided us with wonderful sights to behold. Everything that we need to know--the infinite wisdom of God--is reflected in nature, if we care to observe and learn.

Who accepts nature's flow becomes all-cherishing;
Being all-cherishing he becomes impartial;
Being impartial he becomes magnanimous;
Being magnanimous he becomes natural;
Being natural he becomes one with the Way (or Tao);
Being one with the Way he becomes immortal:
Though his body will decay, the Way will not.

- from the Tao Te Ching.

Anchored in the Present

Anchored in the Present

Time to reflect. Time to be anchored in the present. Time to remain still, at least for a short while.

It's always the future that gives us stress. Whenever we worry about something, it is always something that's in the future--never the past, because it is simply impossible to worry about the past. It is gone. It cannot be undone anymore. The past only gives us regret, guilt, pain and anger; the future, worry and fear.

The key to peace of mind then is to remain anchored in the present. At any moment in time, we are...as we are. The future is not here yet, the past cannot touch us anymore. So we should never tar the perfection of the moment by dwelling on the baggage of the past nor the burden of the future. The present is what matters and the present is perfect because you are alright, right now. Are you not?

Worry and fear happens when we anticipate the worst; when we are attached to the fate of the physical body and the ego. Our ultimate worry is death--the final annihilation of the body; and for the rest of the time we worry about things that affect the ego--failure, humiliation and rejection.

What does it mean to be "anchored in the present"? Don't we need to at least plan for the future?

Yes, we certainly do. But effective planning is still an activity that is anchored in the present. True "planning" is an act of achieving a state of preparedness--a conscious state where one perceives all the dynamic forces that are at currently at work and willing oneself to move in a direction where one's energy and resources are channelled in the most creative and effective manner.

The sailor senses the winds and the currents and adjusts his sail and rudder in the most optimal position and remain ever-ready to readjust them again show there be a shift in nature's forces. The sailor, at any moment in time, is "anchored in the present". He has to be in such a state, to be able to "plan" his next step.

The present is always neutral of emotions--negative or positive ones. Even when you say you are "very happy now", what you actually mean is that you are very happy now compared to how you felt in the past (or the future, because whatever that is pleasant now can never last forever). Emotions only arise when we compare the present with the past or the future. Whenever the mind starts to compare, hope or desire something, mental tension is created and waves of emotions are generated.

When a thought arises in the mind, it is always about something in the past or the future. If we are able to just perceive this very moment--our immediate sense of being and presence--without a thought of the past or future, then we are completely at peace with the universe. This is the bliss that transcends pain and pleasure--the enlightened state that all mystics seek for.

Unenlightened beings such as we only get to catch glimpses of the present--what spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle calls the "Now" and medical-turned-spiritual health doctor Deepak Chopra calls the "gap between thoughts". That is why, most of us are seldom at peace: We simply worry (future), fear (future), regret (past) and complain (past and future) too much. So starting now, learn to anchor yourself to the present. Now.

Now.

Spiritual Architecture

Spiritual Architecture

The biggest obstacle faced by anyone along the spiritual path is the intellectual ego. A person who is religious can easily learn to become outwardly charitable in his conduct but as he progresses spiritually, he begins to acquire a certain pride in his spiritual knowledge; he begins to think of himself as morally and intellectually superior to other people. And this becomes the biggest obstacle to his further progress.

The ego works in many devious ways. At its most basic form, it manifests itself as physical and emotional selfishness. It wants to acquire more and more for itself. But as a person learns to become more selfless through religious practices (at least on the material level), the ego then attempts to find a new vehicle for perpetrating itself.

So it creates a new ego-center, a mental form or identity, which it slowly strenghtens until the person becomes completely identified with it. "I am a religious person", he tells himself. And suddenly those who do not choose the path he took are seen as "lesser beings"--lost souls who have to be led to the right path.

This person, driven by his new ego vehicle, begins to find "pleasure" in criticizing other people who do not conform to his view of life. He embarks on a crusade against the supposed evils of the world. He elevates himself to a position of self-importance and takes it as his mission to save the world. He thinks he is right and others are wrong.

We must always be aware that the religious path is one that has to be tread very carefully because it can be a very slippery one indeed. Once a person gains certain spiritual insights, he begins to think he has achieved the ultimate. I've likened it to the experience of first love. The world suddenly reveals itself in dazzling beauty and clarity. He does not believe he could be wrong, or others could also be right, simply because it feels so damn right inside.

Throughout history, many religions in the world have bred such individuals. These individuals are more attached to the external forms of their religion because it gives them a strong sense of identity--something that the ego loves. The ego will do anything to defend its identity, even to the extent of killing others.

Every individual will have moments ini his life when he awakens to the spiritual calling. Some encounter such moments during times of crisis; others are driven by a deep yearning from inside which they cannot explain. And when that happens, the old ego realizes that it faces annihilation; so it creates and latches on to a new intellectual or mental identity. An old label is cast off only for a new one to be acquired. And the person progresses no more because his consciousness is now restricted by his new "religious" identity.

All organized religions are "best practices" or "frameworks" that have worked well at certain times and places in history to guide people along the spiritual path. They are like the scaffoldings that need to be in place for the construction of a building to be possible. But we must always remember not to confuse the scaffolding with the building.

Ultimately, when the building is done, it does not really matter what type of scaffolding was used in its construction. We will then realize that, all this while, we have been constructing the same building, the same house or worship, the same divine temple, because all of us, either consciously or unconsciously, have been guided from within, by the same spiritual architecture.

Beginning, Middle and End

Beginning, Middle and End

It looks like the problem I had with my notebook PC wasn't thorough solved by HP; I had to return it back to the service center because it was still crashing on me. They'll need another 3 days to get it fixed. And hopefully they can fully pinpoint the real problem now.

So, I'm handicapped again without my computer. But luckily, my Sun workstation is now working beautifully after I've connected my new Samsung LCD monitor to its NVIDIA graphics card. Now I have a professional Java development environment set up. It'll keep me occupied while my notebook is being fixed.

Lots of blog ideas have been floating around in my head for the past few days; I just didn't have the time to sit and write them down with all the problems that I had with my notebook and other worldly matters that I had to attend to.

Every word, every sentence we write is an act of creation. That is why I see writing as a wonderful thing. Something intangible from the mind is brought into existence through the act of writing and by doing so, powerful forces are set into motion.

The mind is always gushing with ideas; if you do not give them expression, its flow will be impeded. The more you write, the more ideas will come to you because it is the natural state of the mind to be creative, provided that you make the effort to create. Once the creative wheels start spinning, it's difficult to make them stop; they will only gather momentum.

So in everything we do, it is important that we allow ourselves some easy "latch-on" points. Get started first. Tackle the details later. A lot of people get blocked before they even start doing anything because of anxiety and doubt. Write the first sentence. One sentence. I'm sure we can all do that. And then see what happens. Like what Hemingway advised: "All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence you know."

Whenever I'm preparing a new Powerpoint presentation, I'll always start with an agenda slide: Point one: Introduction; point two: whatever the subject is; point three: Summary. Everything has a beginning, middle and end. That's the rhythm of the universe: rising, peaking, falling. Movies, plays, books--every work of art follows this simple structure.

This three-act structure is good because it gives the audience a natural sense of comfort. They get eased slowly into the subject through the introduction; then they are served the heavy "main course" before everything is finally tied up nicely in the end. You create a sense of expectation (beginning), you fulfill it (middle) and then at the end you remind the audience how all the expectations have been fulfilled (end). That leaves the audience with a sense of satisfaction.

A presentation usual fails when the presenter does not sense this natural rhythm in the audience. Sometimes they stretch the introduction too long, creating a prolonged sense of expectation and then finding themselves short of time to fulfil it. Or sometimes they over-stretch the middle part when the attention of the audience has already reached saturation point and is expecting an ending.

Well, maybe I'm already over-stretching my point in this particular blog entry! Time to end it. And remember, every ending is also a beginning to something new--and the creative wheels continue spinning...

Worldly Matters

Worldly Matters

I have been occupied with more "worldly" matters for the past couple of days: My notebook PC had been crashing on me intermittently. Even after I had reinstalled the operating system, it was still giving me the blue screen of death. My worst fear was confirmed after I sent it to the HP service center: it was a hardware problem. I had to replace the system board. Forked out about a thousand ringgit to get the thing fixed. Even had to pay extra for same-day "express service".

Anyway, I'm now typing these words on the "new" system. With my old hard-disk completely wiped out, I had to go through the hassle of reinstalling everything again from scratch. But fortunately I do keep proper backups of all my work. Well, maybe it's good to start with a clean slate again; like what I've blogged something back before: a good way to clear one's mind is to clear one's surroundings first.

I also have another new toy with me: A spanking new, mean-looking Ultra 20, Sun's new 2.6GHz Opteron-based workstation running Solaris, which was loaned to me for a project. Solaris used to be my preferred working environment (I still have a Sparcstation 5 workstation gathering dust in my bedroom) but it's been a long time since I lay my hands on a Unix machine.

I'm a bit embarassed to admit that I was (and in many ways still am), a PC illiterate--I never learned how to use a PC until my third year at the university! And when I started working, I was doing development work on Unix platforms. So I never had a chance to work with PCs. For a long time, I actually wrote proposals using the character-based vi editor!

Only when I started doing regional work and was required to travel quite often did I start using a Windows laptop. Since then I haven't really touched a Unix system. All I ever do these days is produce thick Word documents and fancy Powerpoint presentations. I suppose that's what "consultants" do.

So for a change, I intend to start polishing up my Unix and Java skills again for my next project. The Sun workstation will be my second home from now onwards.

My trip next week to Sri Lanka has been postponed. I was actually looking forward to go there to sample the atmostphere before the Presidential Election. But now, I'm not sure when I can go there again--there could be violence and curfews after the elections. We'll see.I guess I'll take the coming week to attend to some worldly matters: bills, banking, invoicing, shopping etc etc. I need to get a large LCD monitor too...

Yesterday, I was out for meetings and later had a few rounds of beer with friends until midnight. So I allowed myself the luxury of waking up a bit late this morning. But tomorrow, it'll be back to my 4am routine again. I'm beginning to look forward now to those sublime hours of silence before dawn--that womb of darkness from whence a new day breaks, slowly, releasing its weight of worldly cares on my stirring mortal frame...

The Householder and the Renunciate

The Householder and the Renunciate

It's good to be able to blog early in the morning for a change. I've already worked for two hours since I woke up at 4am, and now I can hear the neighbourhood stirring: cars starting, reversing, mothers fussing over their school-going kids, the bustle of morning joggers and people walking their dogs.

The stillness of the morning is already broken but I'm glad to have awakened early today to enjoy at least two sacred, uninterrupted hours, graced in between by the pleasant call for prayer from the nearby mosque. It's good to be reminded daily of one's obbligations to the Almighty, especially early in the morning before one is overwhelmed by the maddening stress of a new working day.

It is a great challenge for the modern working man or woman to balance the material with the spiritual. But it is this balance that is the whole purpose of our living. A material life unguided by spiritual principles makes us feel empty, unsatisfied and aimless.

Yes, we will all have our material goals in life, but it will inevitably make us feel like we are living in a rat race--always competing, fighting and compromising on our core values. We achieve something--a cushy job, a house, a car--but yet we still feel unsatisfied.

Why is that so? Maybe we need a life partner; so we get one. And then we realize that it comes with a heavy price: you need a better paying job, a bigger car and a bigger house to support the family that you have built. It consumes your entire life. Happiness is suddenly limited to the "quality time" that you get to spend with your loved ones during weekends and holidays when the rest of the world is also trying to do the same thing. So the whole mass of humanity spills into shopping malls, parks and resorts during this time. Quality time.

Can a householder's life be guided by spiritual principles? Most certainly. I admire the values expounded in the Tirrukural--an ancient Tamil manual for virtuous living. There's an English translation written by the late Gurudeva, called the Weaver's Wisdom. Precept No. 45 says:

If a man masters the duties of married life,
what further merits could monkhood offer him?

No. 50:

He who rightly pursues the householder's life here on Earth
will be rightfully placed among the Gods there in Heaven.

By being a householder and through caring for one's family, one learns how to share and to love selflessly. These are virtues that are difficult for the sanyasin or renuntiate to learn. The renuntiate has to make extra efforts to master these virtues because he is not thrust into an environment that demands it. A family man is always thinking about the needs of his family. His ego, at least, expands to embrace a wider circle--his family.

The challenge that a householder faces is pressing material needs which makes him forget his spiritual roots. Sometimes neverending family strive caused by clashing demands between husband and wife can also knock one off course. Or one party's overpoweringly ego could warp the ecosystem of love in the family, to suit the person's selfish needs. The family then becomes a tool to be manipulated to feed the person's own ego. It is not a process of expansion anymore but one of sucking and draining. That is the danger that the householder has to watch out for.

The householder has to take these as spiritual challenges that help him to uncover the inner essence of his being--like the process of extracting precious minerals from dirt. Deep down inside, we all have a spiritual core. It is simply covered by the soil of selfish desires, which seeks to accumulate material things and to build false images of oneself.

One has to choose one's path to purge oneself of this outer dross. If you are a householder, then make full use of your opportunity to cultivate the virtues of selfless love. But beware of the pitfalls. If you are a sanyasin, dive deep into your inner core, and let love shine forth from within, like a divine lamp dispelling the darkness in the world.

The Happiness List

The Happiness List

I've been starting my day very early for the past two weeks, waking up at 4.00am in the morning to start work. I think I'm going to try and keep this routine as I find that the early morning hours have been very productive ones; the mind is completely fresh and you are able to clock in four hours of undistracted work.

With four hours of work in the bag, even before the day begins, I feel extremely good for the rest of the day. Nothing makes me happier than having a productive day. But hang on, life isn't all about work, is it?

Now, let me think: what else makes me feel happy? Simple things make me happy. Let me make a happiness list: a morning jog, a nice glass of teh tarik, kopi tubruk and Indomie for breakfast in Jakarta, a movie at Block M Plaza, beer with friends, a nice bottle of red wine, a Liverpool win, a train journey and of course, a good book for company. There are certainly more in my happiness list but the point I want to make is that, these are usually simple things which don't cost a lot of money.

What about money itself? Well, I do feel happy whenever I see money credited into my bank account but I try not to work consciously for it. It's more fun if money is just treated as a "by-product" of what I do. So, receiving money from work always comes as a "pleasant surprise".

Having to run my own business, I do need to be conscious of money all the time. It can be a challenge to be constantly dealing with money-related matters and yet not being a slave to it. But I try to imagine business as a sport with profit and loss merely a "score" that I keep. Of course, you must also play all out to win!

We need to give ourselves lots of reasons and excuses to be happy. The longer the list, the better. Everytime you encounter something that makes you happy, you remind yourself how blessed you are. Finishing a blog entry always makes me happy too. When I checked my Blogger statistics, I realized that over the past two years that I have blogging, I've been blessed with happiness a total of 764 times. What a wonderful way to accumulate happiness!