On Kindness

Someone who often confides in me told me recently that my advice is sometimes not practical because I am too kind. She cannot follow my example because other people would step on her or take advantage of her kindness.

I admit that I am someone who is not vengeful and forgives others easily. I often advice people to let go and just move on. Why reiterate again and again how bad other people are and how much you have been wronged?

I told her that if other people take advantage of her kindness, it is their problem. You have done your part. Learn whatever lesson you can from the experience and move on. To dwell on unhappiness is to create unnecessary karma. When you suffer pain, suffer it mindfully, once and for all. If you truly know how to take pain consciously, you only suffer it once. To avoid, deny and dwell on pain is to make it pathological. Allow your karma with that particular person to end there. That's what the spiritual teachers mean by 'working out' your karma. Forgiveness is the greatest karma-buster.

I have lost money before due to kindness. But that's alright. Money is often the smallest price you can pay. It's just tuition fees to learn whatever lesson you are supposed to learn at that point in your life. Consider yourself fortunate when your suffering can be quantified with money. Settle your dues and move on.

What if the amount you lose is astronomical? Then ask yourself, why did you plunge so much money into it? Is it due to greed? Or perhaps it's your ego? You wanted to show to the world how generous you were? Whatever you lose, it is the right price for the lesson you learned. Be grateful that the price for this unhappy experience is spelled out so clearly in dollars and cents.

Sometimes, the cost is not so obvious. You keep on investing in your pain in order to rectify some perceived wrong that you think others have inflicted on you. So you pay with time and energy. You become obsessed with getting back on the person. You wanted revenge. Good luck on your adventure!

To take advantage of someone else's kindness is a character flaw. You can cheat, lie or take advantage of other people only so many times in your life. You pay a very heavy price for the small tokens of benefit that you gain by exploiting someone else. Enjoy it while it lasts for they don't. The greater suffering awaits you. Nature, if you understand it well, abhors injustice. Let nature take its course.

Do not hate such people. Just learn your lesson and avoid them. Allow them time and space to heal their handicap. Have pity and mercy on people who have to learn things the hard way. Feel grateful that you have learned yours by paying a much smaller price.

So understand that kindness is not a weakness. On the contrary, I think kindness, if applied correctly, is pretty cool.