The Art of Forgetting

I've often been told that I possess a good memory. I would recall anecdotes about friends and events which everyone else has forgotten about, sometimes to the embarrassment of the people involved.

Strangely, what I remember well are rather unimportant things--trivialities and small observations about events and conversations, which others would not bother to notice, let alone remember. But ask me how much I paid for my current laptop, I would never be able to recall with sufficient precision.

I seem to remember only 'interesting' things. Prices, phone numbers and dates--these are dull facts to me, which do not possess colour or emotion and hence do not lodge in my mind. What makes something interesting is its ability to invoke other memories or to stir one's thoughts.

Stopping to rest at an outdoor restaurant on way back from Bandung 15 years ago, I caught the smell of something familiar, something that reminded me of Silicon Valley. It was then that I realized that the pleasant and all-pervasive aroma of eucalyptus, which pervades the Bay Area in California. It brought back happy memories.

What gets buried in the recesses of our memories are impressions--sights, sounds and smells, which resurfaces when the right trigger is present. For memories do not exist in isolation, every new impression is linked into an ever-growing nexus, lashed tightly by the emotions associated with them.

While having a good memory has its advantages, what must not be overlooked is the ability to forget. I've learned how to forget too--it is a very useful skill. How so?

For example, we wouldn't want to carry grudges and hurt feelings all our lives, would we? It is indeed very difficult to forget something that has caused you a lot of pain and anger. This is where that art of forgiving comes in handy. For forgetting and forgiving go hand-in-hand.

Forgiveness means acknowledging the pain that you are feeling and allowing it to work out its natural energy, after which, it will inevitably subside. We feel perpetual pain when we relieve anger or hurt again and again, never allowing the energy of the event to discharge itself.

When you let go of things, its valuable essence will seep into your psyche. After which, you will never relive it with a similar intensity again. You will find that you would have forgotten many of it details and ultimately, you will find peace.

Forgive but don't forget, some would say. Yes, but just focus on the forgiving part. Through forgiveness, one learns that forgetting is never an issue, for the lessons of the experience have already been assimilated into our soul.

Like how we never forget how to ride a bicycle: The pain and bruises of every fall have been well-forgotten, and it is through them, that we are the better rider we are today.