Beneath the Virulent Waves

Looks like we in Malaysia are living in an unprecedented time. Perhaps, never since World War 2 or the riots of May 13 1969 have there been such a disruption to our everyday life. Because of the corona-virus pandemic, everyone is now talking about a lockdown, which many countries have already implemented.

The pandemic is decimating economies worldwide. The world is coming to a halt. We are asked to stay at home, which actually doesn't sound like the end of the world to many, that is if one doesn't need to worry about making a living. Perhaps I've chosen the right year to go slow on my work as everyone else are being forced to do so.

There's already a panic buying spree at all of our supermarkets and hypermarkets. Shelves are being emptied as if there's a zombie apocalypse. At the time of writing, we in Malaysia are considered lucky as there are still zero deaths, even though the total number of people infected today rises to 553. It will get worse before it gets better.

I'm happy to stay at home. In any case that's what I've been doing since the beginning of the year. Working from home requires a lot of discipline. I still dress up everyday, to drive to my apartment to work. I like the routine of going somewhere to start work. But even before I start this part of my day, I would have already clocked in at least an hour of preliminary work at home, after my morning routine of meditation.

My life is regimented and regular. Boring to others but extremely satisfying personally because I do the things that matter, which is improving myself everyday--physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I make sure that I make progress everyday. I am constantly writing, building and learning new things. The good thing about the internet is that you can never run out of things to learn.

Perhaps the whole country can look at this corona-virus episode positively. It is like a kind of enforced sabbatical for everyone to reinvent themselves. I hope good sense will prevail and people will not do anything to create more panic. People, as always like to blame the government for not doing enough. Not that the government is free from any fault, but I think we have to stop wasting too much time venting and arguing on social media. There's way too much virtual signalling out there.

But I suppose that's human nature. The ego seeks attention to reinforce its own identity. All that hatred, disgust and self-righteousness: I observe them as one observes the waves that rise and fall on the surface of the ocean. The waters could be turbulent but deep down inside beneath the surface, it is silent and quiet. There lies the greatest mysteries--mysteries which I've dedicated my life to explore. There could be virulent anger on the surface of everything, but beneath it all, lies some deeper truth. And that is where one finds meaning.

The Tree of Wisdom

The Coronavirus epidemic is creating fear everywhere. I experienced the same thing during the SARS epidemic. At that time, I was flying occasionally and every flight felt tense and uncomfortable. But that was 17 years ago.

Today, social media makes the panic worse. The things that go viral over through your phone causes as much harm as Covid-19, as the virus is officially known now. I am not comfortable wearing a mask; I merely take the basic precautions in avoiding crowded public places and washing my hands often. I also changed my routine a bit, preferring to work from my apartment than from cafes.

Working alone purposefully is one of the simple joys of life. One of the tricks of being always in a happy mood is to create easy opportunities for simple pleasures to manifest themselves. Waking up early and being able to have a head-start to the day, is a great joy. Never mind that you have not accomplished anything yet. Being fully ready on the starting line is already a cause for celebration.

Life is full of risks. We live everyday with a lot of uncertainties: we could to be hit by a car the moment we step out from the house; we can get infected by harmful viruses anytime. But still we go about life with the anticipation of a success in everything we do. A kind of positive optimism is how life should be pursued. Do what we can at any moment in time, being mindful of what we are supposed to do and to experience each moment fully, no matter what the outcome is.

When we look at the people around us, we realize that everyone is in the same boat. Everyone tries to do their best to pursue what they think is important to them. Some make bad choices because the things they want in life requires a high price to pay, but we always reap what we sow. We have to respect everyone's choice and each and every one of us has an individual path to pursue. Sometimes we can only learn our lessons the hard way. But learn we will, albeit slowly and painfully.

When you are young, you are brave and energetic. So you do not mind pain, and sometimes even welcome them, as long as the rewards are comeasurable. Pain comes in two forms: physical hard-work and mental stress. Many people are more than willing to do hardwork to achieve their goals but are ignorant of their capacity to handle stress. We regain our physical energy after a good rest but stress is often chronic. It prevents you from having a good rest at night. It stays with you day and night, poisoning your soul.

Are you ready for that? Are you capable of unburdening yourself of your problems at night so that you can have a good sleep? Most people can't. And that's the greatest suffering one has to endure in modern life. That perpetual fight-or-flight condition one carries day and night in one's mind and body. To let go of it requires one to trace its sources. We often think the cause of all our problems lies outside ourselves. It's other people's fault--your parents, your co-workers, your boss and your circumstances in life.

That is the trap that one has to free oneself from. Look into yourself. Be clear of what you are striving for. Perfect your own soul first. Stresses build up when your approach and reaction to the external world is not optimal. When you feel pressure accumulating in one area, relax and free it first. Solve problems before they become to big, until they break you. Be fluid and be an efficient self-correcting system. That way, you can weave yourself around any obstacle without injuring yourself. Be like a strong tree, anchored firmly to the ground, with deep roots, allowing your branches to sway gently to absorb the force of the wind.

Strengthen your trunks from the inside, slowly adding layer upon layer. Sprout new leaves and shed the withered ones. A tree is firm but yielding at the right places to accommodate the onslaught of the wind and rain. It does its work surely and quietly. A tree blends naturally into the ecosystem because it is constantly sensing and adjusting to its surrounding.

And that is how we should face life, like a mighty tree, standing to the test of time.

Transmutation of the 3 Treasures

I'm fond of observing human nature. Humans are not logical creatures. As a matter of fact we are more emotional than logical in all our decisions and actions, even though we often try to justify them with 'logical' explanations after the fact.

Neuroscientists have even speculated that free will as we know it, might not even exist. Studies have indicated that all our decisions are made at the subconscious level before our conscious mind is even aware of them. Once decisions have bubbled up to the surface, we then try to fit them into our logic system, by emphasizing facts that support the decision and downplaying those that do not.

Which is why politics is so difficult because everyone claims that they know what is the right way forward, but unfortunately, most of the time, we are not so sure. We simply justify our support for certain leaders based on what pleases us emotionally. Studies by psychologists have also indicated our political leanings are also determined to a great extent by our genes. We are actually born a progressive or a conservative!

On the things that matter in our lives--the partner we choose to marry, the course we choose to study in university, the job we decide to take up--all these are usually 'gut decisions'. Which is not such a bad thing, if we know where this feeling comes from. If it is coming from a place of fear, it is not a genuine gut decision. There's no intelligence in fear. A good decision is one that feels right because it aligns with every inclination in our body and soul. A gut decision uses embeded intelligence, distilled from lived experience and the 'experience' from our genes.

The Taoists believe that the mastery of life relies on sustaining the 3 treasures - Jing, Qi and Shen. Jing, often translated as sperm or essence, can be converted into Qi (breath, energy) which gives us life and vigour. And finally the Qi can be transmuted into Shen (spirit). I would like to demystify this whole scheme slightly by simple looking at them as potential energy, kinetic energy and information.

The source of all energy is the sun, which is captured by plants through photosynthesis and converted into chemical potential energy locked in the food we eat. I see this as the Jing. Metabolism converts this energy into energy that we need for everyday life--the kinetic energy for doing work, and internally, for pumping blood and nutrients to all the vital parts of our body. That's the Qi in action. Good management of Jing and Qi, enables us to do productive work which contributes towards improving our minds. Finally, the knowledge and wisdom generated is the Shen of the three treasures.

So you see, the intelligence that is embodied in your 'gut' is the Shen that you have transmuted from the activities of life. If we live life in harmony with the Tao, your life becomes a virtuous feedback loop. Your mind and body is infused with an intelligence, a spirit, which subconsciously produces all the micro-decisions you make every second throughout the day. You just need to get the basic things right by being mindful of all your actions and reactions. That way, data can be fed back into the 'spiritual neural network' to further improve your subconscious intelligence.

If we know how to manage our lives, we can control the energy and information that flows through the body and mind. Knowing the right kind of food to eat, exercising your body to enhance balance, awareness and efficiency and finally doing creative work that promotes learning is a virtuous cycle that spirals your soul to greater heights. If you do this well, you'll understand where all your subconscious decisions come from. You'll know why you have the inclinations that you do.

Creatures of Drama

It's a dramatic day for Malaysian politics today, the outcome of which we are still uncertain of. We pray for the nation's well-being. Malaysia is a blessed country but race and religion remain remain sticking issues that often limit our true potential as a nation.

A nation of diversity is an asset. I liken it to a metal compound where different metallic elements can bond together to create an alloy which is stronger than the individual metals themselves. But unfortunately human beings are not as simple as metallic elements. We have 'irrational' beliefs and aspirations. Evolution has molded us in such a way that we identity easily with other creatures who share the same genetic characteristics. Hence we naturally align with our own racial groups. And our psychology is such that we have to cling on to powerful myths such as religion to give ourselves purpose and meaning.

Even though human beings take pride in its rational achievements--science and technology being one of its greatest triumphs--the motivation of individuals are less noble. Often we are driven by fame and fortune. The success of capitalism rests on the belief that self-interest is the greatest driver of all economic activities. Somehow, magically by each of us pursuing our own personal interests, society as a whole benefits.

By and large, capitalism has worked very well. But it has its excesses, which occasionally causes nations and markets to collapse, bringing hardship to many. A blind belief in capitalism is another form of religion. We always have to check our susceptibility to easy maxims and beliefs. We are extremely fond of certainty and are forever seeking absolute truths to latch on to. Something which religion claims to provide.

If we all treat religion as a serious hobby, the world would certainly be a better place. Hobbies, like sports and other recreational pursuits enrich our lives. But to suggest that religion should be a mere hobby, like our choice of music, is to many, a sacrilege. So we fight wars because of religion and turn politics into a religious struggle. We claim to know what God wants and tries to shape society based on some questionable writings in ancient books.

We fear death so much that any mild comforts brought about by some religious belief are to be defended at all costs. We are imperfect creatures. Hence our society and politics reflect these insecurities and weaknesses. Politics can never be rational because our motivations are not. Our genetic instincts, honed by evolution, dictate many of our actions. We want to procreate and ensure our continuous survival in a world that give us the material and psychological comforts. All our actions flow out from these basic impulses.

And as long as these irrational forces stir within our breasts, politics will always be dramatic. May we have the wisdom to see through it safely.

The Story Within

I'm writing this from a food court of a mall. It's relatively quiet at this hour before the dinner-time crowd comes. I've already had a light vegetarian dinner and now I'm ready to tackle my blog article of the weekend. Let's see what the subject shall be...

I don't like to write about the local political scene because I think a lot of things are pretty obvious to me. Most people like to think that politics is a battle between a good side and an evil one. We bash politicians for the stupid things they say. We like to say so-and-so is useless, and so-and-so is so obviously corrupt. There could some truth in all these speculations. It is good fun, talking about politics, bashing the government of the day for their ineptitude. We also love conspiracy theories because the human mind is wired for dramatic stories. We process stories better, finding raw facts dull and uninteresting.

Which leads me to the topic that I want to write about, which I've alluded to in a previous article about myth. I made the claim that myths are more powerful than facts, because they tend to stick in the mind. The juicier a story is, the less likely your are able to forget it. Not only do you remember its details well, you even embellish them to make them more exciting.

Yuval Noah Harari, author of Sapiens, Homo Deus and 21 Lessons for the 21st Century (3 very entertaining and thought-provoking books) also highlighted the power of myths. To quote him in one of his books:

Homo sapiens is a post-truth species, whose power depends on creating and believing fictions. Ever since the stone age, self-reinforcing myths have served to unite human collectives. Indeed, Homo sapiens conquered this planet thanks above all to the unique human ability to create and spread fictions. We are the only mammals that can cooperate with numerous strangers because only we can invent fictional stories, spread them around, and convince millions of others to believe in them. As long as everybody believes in the same fictions, we all obey the same laws, and can thereby cooperate effectively.

Which is why 'fake news' is such big news these days. We get a lot of fake news because we 'deserve' them. We like to forward 'informative' stories to friends mostly because we want attention. We want to be the teller of an interesting tale, the life of the party. Such is the nature of human beings. Fake news is the equivalent of junk food in the culinary world. Junk food exists because we love to taste sugar, sodium and fat and so food manufacturers engineered 'food' in such a way that they are so conveniently available and so easy to consume that we get addicted to them.

We deserve the fake news, junk food and stupid politicians that govern us because they are merely a reflection of us as a society. Maybe our stories have become stale; we need leaders who are better story tellers. Perhaps a Stalin or a Hitler or an Ayatollah Khomeini? These people brought change because they had more interesting stories to capture everyone's imagination. If we do not overcome gullibility and continue falling for the more interesting story, we can't blame anyone else for our predicament.

Which is why I extolled the beauty of boredom. It is OK, if life is a bit 'boring' sometimes. We don't need to titillate our senses and attract everyone's attention by forwarding yet another unsubstantiated story to our favourite Whatsapp groups. Observe the story of you yourself--all that chatter that goes on in your head. Isn't it interesting why the mind is so restless? Unravel the mystery of this constantly running story. The outer stories that dominate the headlines--they are no different from the one that keeps on repeating in your head, and everybody else's head.

The Mandala and the Hourglass

I'm writing this from Cyberjaya today, where I spend two to three days a week. Being able to work anywhere I choose to gives me a lot of flexibility and joy. I get to change my scenery whenever I feel slightly stale and in the process, receive fresh insights for my work.

One of the rules of working from home or on your own is to treat your workday seriously. I always dress up for work, even if I'm spending the whole day at home. I don't like to work in shorts and T-shirts, as it makes me feel lazy. The key is to not make yourself feel too comfortable. If we feel too cozy, we tend to relax and as a result feel sleepy. Which is why, I kind of like working from a cafe: you are comfortable, yet you are in public and hence you have to keep up a certain public persona. That helps to keep you in focus.

Another trick I use to keep myself on my toes is to time my work sessions. There's an app called Clockify, which I find very useful for timing my daily sessions. At the end of the day, I can see how many hours I have been productive and how much time I spent on which project. By starting the timer, I immediately fall into a state of concentration. Knowing that the clock is ticking keeps me on my toes.

But don't all these things make work a bit stressful? No, I don't find it so because it is important to introduce some rules and rituals to automate good practices. I mentioned in a previous blog article, how devotional religious practices can actually be helpful to intellectuals, who trust their minds too much. We need to put ourselves into a state of productivity easily. Dressing up and starting the timer are physical activities which we can do easily. Once it is done, the rest follows automatically.

Self-discipline is delightful. When time is used productively and the fruits of your labour can be seen, you feel great. Everyday I try to add a little bit more to my store of knowledge and output. As I work, I learn more, which helps me to work even better. It is a virtuous cycle that is very rewarding. And tomorrow I will also wake up early to repeat the same schedule, knowing that I will have an opportunity to grow further.

We are given an opportunity on this earth to do our work. So work, for it is your sacred duty. Only through work can we defeat the forces of death and decay of which the entire universe is subject to.

Like building Tibetan sand mandalas, we must work with the realization that, ultimately everything is impermanent. Beautiful though your works may be, you have to immediately see them crumbling like sands in the hourglass. There is no despair in that. We build, knowing that everything will ultimately be destroyed. That is the cycle of birth and death. Only through whole-hearted participation do we get to transcend it.

A Nose for Happiness

I'm writing this at a cafe in a mall, to the din of a lion dance, performing somewhere nearby. The madness of Chinese New Year is finally coming to an end and I just attended a meeting at the customer's place. Lots of things for me to do in the coming months. I really need to think how to best use my time, and whether I want to take things easy or go for the jugular.

I want to look at this year as a sort of sabbatical for me. A year which I can choose to work on things that help me progress both spiritually and materially. I'm happy with how I've spent the first month of the year. It has been productive and I successfully completed a project while putting a lot of other personal things in order.

This month I will hope to continue the momentum. As I don't get to use a regular office now, I am working a lot from my apartment-cum-library. Happiness is being able to work continuously over lunchtime without being interrupted. One thing I'm very good at is finding tiny little excuses to be happy.

I see a lot of people who will latch on every opportunity to complain or find fault about anything. It could be the food in a restaurant, the service of a waiter, the behavior of a co-worker or the sheer discomfort of the hot weather. I'm annoyingly the opposite. I say 'annoyingly' because this attitude of seeing the positive in things tend to irritate people. I am always trying to make every judgement fair, nuanced and balanced. But in a typical conversation, most people just want to you to listen and agree, not to question their judgement of things.

I'm not fussy about food. My bar for good food is set very low. All food tastes good when one is hungry. So, I only eat when I'm genuinely hungry and I can eat anywhere. Every meal is an opportunity to be happy. So why spoil it over small things?

Happiness come constantly in small doses. When you learn how to sense them when they arrive, you are always in a continuous state of joy. A gluttonous person finds every opportunity to eat; a smoker delays work to have a puff at the stairway. If we can find excuses for all these bad habits, why can't we cultivate the habit of finding excuses to be happy?

Even a breath itself can be a happy one. Every breath is a microdose of happiness. One just needs to develop a sensitivity to it. When one's happiness sense is honed, it is very difficult to feel any other way. You might just discover that you have a good nose for it.

The Value of Devotion

The Chinese Lunar New Year holidays is always a good time to reflect on my Chinese culture and heritage. I see a lot of practices and rituals, which are steeped in history and tradition. For the unbeliever, it is easy to scoff at these pagan superstitious practices. But I think most Chinese treat these things as part of their culture rather than something that has deep spiritual significance.

Those with an intellectual bent might think ritualistic worship has no spiritual merit. I see it slightly differently. I see a lot of value in pursuing the devotional path--especially for intellectuals. And let me explain why.

Having said that, I do agree that blind ritual practices are often mired in superstition and dogma. These are supposedly rules which some 'wise' person of yore has decreed, and which must be observed strictly or the gods would be displeased. Devotees are happy just to adhere to them in the believe that its mere performance would gain them spiritual merits or divine blessing.

Such devotees have an abundance of faith but suffers from a dearth of insight. Both ingredients are required if one were to progress on the spiritual path. The intellectual does not lack knowledge but he is hampered by doubt. In the Buddhist tradition, doubt is considered one of the five hindrances that a meditator has to overcome to progress. The remaining four being sensory desire, ill-will, sloth-and-torpor and restlessness-and-worry.

Unlike the faithful devotee, the skeptical intellectual questions everything--an attitude which is essential in science inquiry. However on the spiritual path, at a certain point in one's practice, it becomes a hindrance to progress because doubt is like a gigantic thought-barrier that lodges in the mind. It conditions the mind to reject what is instinctively true for lack of 'proof'. This is the point where a 'leap of faith' is required to cross the spiritual chasm.

We cannot easily will the mind to unthink a stubborn thought (think of a big pink elephant; now try to erase that from your mind). Doubt is like that. It calcifies portions of the mind, making progress extremely difficult. It has come to this through years of philosophical inquiry and study, which has the side-effect of creating an intellectual ego. Ego is like gravity--it wants to pull things together into solid intractable masses.

You cannot will it away using thinking. This is where devotional practices become useful. Rituals starts from physical movements: we can will our hands and feet into a position of prostration, into a stance of surrender to a higher power. When we worship, we willingly surrender our ego. The mind is proud, so let's start with the body and kowtow before the gods. This is much easier than unthinking the pink elephant.

When properly done, with the right attitude, devotional practices can be quite beautiful. The thinking mind is put aside. Movements, sometimes chants, and the smell of incense guide one into the right mental state--a state of loving openness which one can call grace.

By practicing this regularly, you chip away at your intellectual pride; you unleash the power of devotional love. It melts away all the hardness that has congealed in one's mind making it softer and more malleable. Once the skeptical mind is tamed, that leap of faith can then happen, and one is propelled into the next level spiritual level of insight. Thus is the value of devotion--the path of Bhakti Yoga.

The Inner Dance

Yesterday was a rather hectic day for me, which was why I did not manage to blog. But here I am again, making up for it. Today, I chose to focus on some lighter tasks--refactoring my code and writing documentation.

My blog topic today should also be a light one. I'll probably ramble on about nothing in particular until I stumble onto something...

That is how the mind tends to behave, flitting from one subject to another, without any apparent direction. And every now and then, we'll get sucked into a particular obsession--something that bothers us or something that is a particular bad habit of ours. Breaking the spell of this entrancement is the whole purpose of mindful living.

Mindfulness is usually associated with the capability of the mind. I've mentioned that it is like increasing the internal resolution of the mental eye so that every pixel of though can be observed. There's however another aspect of mindfulness that's equally important: mindfulness that comes from the body.

The human body is a very complex system. It is by and large self-regulating. It secretes the right hormones, antibodies or any other bio-chemical to nudge the body into its optimal state. It heals itself very well if the damage is minor or detected early.

The correct functioning of the human body depends on it sending the right signals to the right part of the body so that the feedback control system can readjust the entire system into an optimal state. Which is why, it tends to do most its good work while we are at sleep. When we are awake, we drive the body into abnormal states to achieve our worldly pursuits. We get engrossed in the world of senses--acting and reacting physically to the people and circumstances around us. More often than not, we abuse our body--stressing it into critical levels, without us realizing it.

We are unaware of it because we are not mindful of our body. We eat food that the body rejects, simply because our lifestyle and ego-driven personalities dictate that certain types of food are what we should be eating. Our everyday lives are usually filled with activities that demand high energy-levels and an alertness to threats. We call it stress. The body's stress response mechanism is honed by evolution to be a temporary response to an emergency situation--like fighting or running away from a predator--the so-called "fight or flight" response. The autonomic nervous system pumps adrenaline into the blood stream which gears us into a heightened state of energy and alertness.

The fight-or-flight response of the body is however only meant to be temporary. Once the danger is averted, the body re-balances itself through its parasympathetic nervous system, which restores the body to its relaxed state. But our modern stress-filled lives force the body to be in a state of fight-or-flight all the time, causing all sorts of chronic problems to our health. The body is fooled into believing that it is constantly in danger, when the real danger is actually its very own emergency stress response.

Depression, obesity, diabetes, stroke, heart-attack and all sorts of stress-induced chronic health issues is the result. All because the body has lost its 'mindfulness'. It's feedback control mechanism has gone haywire because we no longer lead natural lives of balance and harmony with nature. We think binge-watching Netflix series all night is a way to 'relax', when in fact it is further stressing the body with artificial input. The body no longer knows how to respond in a world full of fake signals. What is real and what is not? Never-mind, just put the body in stress mode all the time.

We need to rediscover the intelligence of the body. We have chosen to ignore its voice, causing all sorts of problems. Be mindful of the body. How does it want to move? Which part of it is giving pain signals? Is the food we just ate causing discomfort? Are we ingesting too much artificial substances? Is the body telling us to rest and relax? Is the nagging headache a signal for us to get more sleep? Listen to the body. Find its natural movement.

Natural movement is the basis of exercises like Tai-Chi and Hatha Yoga. It allows the body it reestablish its own natural rhythm--triggering the parasympathetic nervous system to restore bio-chemical balance in the body. Much like a crumpled piece of paper unfolding itself, the body wants to release itself from a stressed state, if given the chance to.

So move, in a way that allow that need for balance to be expressed. There's an inner dance moving to an inner rhythm that is seeking for expression. Find it. Unfold your palms an feel the universe coursing through your veins. Yes, the music of the spheres is playing inside, and all of nature is but a dance. A healthy body simply dances in harmony with it.

The Beauty of Boredom

I've been working a lot from my abode in Cyberjaya lately, because it is quiet and free from distractions. The only 'distractions' I get there are my collection of books. I'm getting into a routine now of 2 hours work before breakfast, followed by a 3-hour break for life maintenance activities and then after that there's a continuous session of work lasting up to 6 hours. That brings me to dinner time. (I usually skip lunch).

Not having to go for lunch is a great time-saver. Your work is not interrupted and best of all, you get to avoid the mad lunch-hour crowd. Two meals a day is more than sufficient for me. My life is simple and 'boring'.

Which brings me to today's topic: boredom. Why do we get bored? Why do we label someone else 'boring' when they don't interest us? What does that say about us?

Boredom is actually very interesting. What causes boredom? Whenever we feel slightly bored, we know that the mind is simply throwing tantrums. It is seeking some sort of quick gratification. A stimuli-lacking brain throws up a feeling in us called 'bored'--it is a signal that prompts us to seek out some new object of pleasure. Just like how the stomach grovels when it needs food, boredom is just mental hunger.

The mind feeds on sensory input. But it abhors input of a similar kind. It seeks variety, fresh information and novel experiences. Once it latches onto something, it revels in its pleasurable sensation until it feels bored again. Monotony bores the mind, no matter how intense and satisfying its first taste is. Imagine the first bite of a delicious piece of cake, or the first sip of cool beer on a hot day--the pleasure disappears as soon as it comes. When one sees that, one understands what Buddhists call 'dukkha' - or the 'unsatisfactoriness' that's inherent in all things.

Boredom is simply a very 'harmless' kind of suffering. I treat boredom itself as a subject of mindfulness whenever it arises. If you do that, you'll realize that even that feeling of boredom is impermanent! It goes away as fast as it arises. By simply acknowledging it, boredom takes a bow and leaves the stage. Impermanence is a sword that cuts both ways. Everything that's pleasurable never lasts but neither do things that are painful. They too go away if we allow them to.

More often than not, we foolishly cling to things because we fail to see their inherent characteristic of impermanence. One might ask: isn't this 'everything is impermanent' philosophy a very pessimistic and negative view of life? Is ignorance bliss? Perhaps, until reality hits you finally: cold and hard.

When one is a surfer, one sees each rising wave as an opportunity to ride, knowing very well that it lasts only momentarily. The surfer feels an equanimity and joy from harnessing the energy of these waves. One doesn't just sit by the shore, lamenting the impermanence of waves. Impermanence is part and parcel of nature's beauty.

When one grasps this essential fact, one can never feel bored. Boredom rises and falls like a wave, to make way for another feeling; and that feeling shall also rise and fall away like the one before and after it.

Just like how one stands by the edge of the sea, admiring the might waves that break on its shore, one can 'enjoy' boredom in a similar way. And such is the beauty of boredom.

Hush goes the Hurricane

This is my first blog post of 2020. Due to various commitments, I missed my session yesterday but no matter, here I am, kicking off my rambling session of the week. It is great to own this small piece of cyber real-estate, where I can say whatever I like to no particular audience in mind.

2019 has been a happy year for the Liverpool Football Club, the team I've supported all my life. We won the European Cup, Super Cup and the FIFA Club World Cup. Looks like this year, barring any unforeseen collapse, they will win the Premier League title.

2019 has been a good year for me discipline-wise. I managed to cultivate a number of good habits. I completed a whole year of weekly blogging; I completely de-cluttered my room and I reestablished an early morning routine of meditation and work. I love morning meditation sessions--it is the best time to practice because the body and mind is fresh and the surroundings are very quiet. I've gained a lot of insights throughout the year. Some of them I've articulated in several blog posts in previous weeks.

Everyday I distill some insights from my meditation session. What I distill inspires me for the rest of the day. I've come to understand how lovingkindness actually helps the concentration practices. It sweeps away all hinderances, clearing the space for the mind to focus better.

All hindrances are like waves that arise and fall away. All thoughts have no hold on the mind if you recognize their ephemeral nature. Sometimes the recognition itself is another thought process which goes away without solidifying into a permanent concept. This is the impermanence that Buddhists talk about. All form is emptiness and emptiness form. Thoughts are the mind's natural tendency to perpetuate concepts from passing phenomena. If we allow them to pass, nothing has a hold on us.

The habit of the mind is to form models, theories and concepts, because the mind is a learning machine. Our AI neural networks copy this architecture. It has a tendency to infer, categorize and simplify. It boxes things into neat compartments. It abhors uncertainty. It must put things in specific buckets.

But nature is not like that. It is fluid, dynamic and has no clear boundaries. We give hurricanes names and treat them like marauding creatures, moving purposefully and menacingly towards inhabited areas. But hurricanes are natural processes. It has no "eye" as such, even though we like to place such ephemeral things exactly on the map. Just like the Buddhist concept of anatta - "no-self". The self within us is just a conceptual focal point for all the processes that happen to be going on in the body and mind. It is merely a "centre of gravity" that has no physical presence--useful for practical purposes, but often outlive its usefulness by perpetuating a personal ego unnecessarily.

In engineering, concepts and models are good because they are the basis for building large systems. The programmer thinks in terms of objects and tiers and frameworks. Such things only exist in the mind. When the computer is executing, it is basically semiconducting substances reacting to changes in voltages and currents, which are nothing but ephemeral energy states.

Likewise, we live life maintaining a specific image or ego, as if it is who we really are. We are nothing but a passing hurricane, all wet-and-wild for a momentary period in space and time--fluctuations in the weather system that cause pockets of instabilities here and there. Everything balances out in the end. No hurricane lasts forever.

And here I am, gathering thoughts into words, to be etched onto this blog--a passing hurricane moment, to disappear into cyberspace with the click of the "Publish" button!

A Happy Breath

This has to be my last post for 2019. I have blogged without fail every week for more than a year now. I love the discipline that I impose on myself and the weekly schedule is just right for me.

I usually blog on every New Year's Eve, but I'll blog a day earlier this year. I don't want to reflect too much on the year that passed. One thing that I can take pleasure in is the fact that I've fully utilized my time to acquire new skills and to continue exploring different areas of interest. That has always been my sole purpose in life. As long as I'm learning, I am living life to the fullest.

As you grow other, many things do not matter so much anymore. Things that seemed important to you in your younger days now seem like childish pursuits. Perhaps years from now, I will also see what I'm doing now as infantile. That is not such a bad thing for to be able to do so means that I am still growing.

Let me pose myself a 'stupid' question: Of what use is all the knowledge that has been acquired?

What is the use of knowledge that has no relevance to one's career? This presupposes the fact that what's important in life is 'success' in the form of worldly achievements--a high paying job or lucrative business, even fame in one's chosen field. That is 'success'. And having attained that, one dies with a smile on one's lips.

Isn't that the goal of life? No, some may say. The end-goal is 'happiness'. All worldly success brings some measure of happiness--that can't be doubted. How else can one attain happiness?

Let me, just for the fun of it, propose the simplest definition of happiness: To be happy is to be able to breathe well.

Doesn't that set a very low bar for happiness? If it is to be taken seriously, doesn't that mean most people are happy? Very clearly, that's not the case. What kind of definition is this? Surely I can't be serious. Can I?

Let's examine the breath. If one is breathing, one is alive. To breathe is to live. It is the simplest and often overlooked human activity and yet it is the most important. If you can't breathe, you can't be happy. That much is clear.

Now pay attention to the breath. Mindfulness of the breath is one of the simplest forms of meditation. The breath is always there and it is the most obvious sign of life. It is also the best indicator of our state of health. The flow and movement of the breath is latent with information about our internal states. If you know how to 'read' your breath, you will know so much more about yourself.

Doctors are trained to use the stethoscope to listen to your heartbeat and breathing for indications of sickness. You too can observe the breath to know not only your physical state but your mental one too. You don't need an external instrument to do so: you are the instrument. You--your body and your mind can observe the breath and sense its every subtle signal.

Breathe in. Observe every tiny quality of that in-breath. Breathe out and watch the characteristics of its flow. What do you feel? Do you sense anxiety? Boredom? Impatience? With just one breath, you have a sample of your entire universe within. Take another breath--do you feel doubt? Do you not feel a lot of things in this simple activity of observing your breath?

Imagine a loved one in your mind. Observe your breathing. Is there a certain warmth that emanates from within? When you are in a loving mood, doesn't your breath reflect it? Everything distills to the breath. The breath contains the essence of living.

As you breathe, you gain realizations. The world 'inspiration' comes the Latin world inspirare -- to "blow into, breathe upon". The spirit of life is the breath. The literal meaning of the word 'nirvana' is 'blown out' or 'extinguished' -- as in a flame being blown out. The metaphor of the spirit-breath is everywhere. Every inhalation and exhalation is a microcosm of a lifetime. We are reborn again with every in-breath, and dies with every out-breath.

The building block of a life is a single breath. The quality of that breath determines the quality of your life. You are nothing but a summation of your breaths. Hence, to to be happy, you need to breathe well. Breathe with the fullness and totality of your entire being. Your whole life culminates in your present moment of breath. The breath is the karmic fulcrum that takes in the weight of the past and launches the future. By perceiving your breath mindfully, you are able to make the necessary adjustments that aligns your actions to be in harmony with the flow of the universe.

Now, is it too far-fetched then to say that to be happy, one has to breathe well? Breathing well means being able to read every signal that's embedded in that breath and allowing the body-instrument to make the necessary adjustments to optimize it.

So breathe and be grateful that you are able to do so. Be a master of your breath by being mindful of it. For it is in the breath that the secret of happiness lies. You don't have to look far and wide for the key to happiness. It is already there within you. Every breath is a moment of insight. So, from this moment onwards, take a breath.

Take a happy breath.

On Lovingkindness

Lovingkindness is an interesting word, rarely used except in Buddhist literature, as a translation of the the Pali word, 'metta'. I"ve often wondered: Why not just love, or kindness? Why the compound word, loving-kindness?

Etymologically, 'lovingkindness', was used in the King James Bible as the English translation of the Hebrew word 'Chesed'. There, it is often used to denote God's grace and charitable kindness towards its chosen people and vice-versa.

Love alone, especially the romantic kind, is targeted and directional. Lovingkindness is open--like the outward radiation of the sun's warmth, bringing benevolence to whomever it touches.

Kindness alone, is often 'selfish', done to elicit a kind of reciprocal reward. Lovingkindness on the other hand is soft and yielding, so undemanding on its recipient. It opens up the heart like an unfurling flower. In the Buddhist practice of metta-bhavana or the cultivation of lovingkindness, the practitioner learns to direct good wishes to firstly himself and then to people close to him, and then moving the circle outwards towards strangers and even enemies, culminating in its final stage towards all sentient beings in the universe.

This outward radiation process is very good for the mind, which has a tendency to be ego-driven and self-centered. Doing the practice of metta bhavana is like bending backwards to stretch your back, after a long day of being hunched over the desk. It brings balance to the soul. It dissolves congealed hatred and fear. It shines a light into the dark corners of the mind.

It is like smiling warmly from within, and then welling up onto the lips, giving the face a healthy flush. What a wonderful practice this is. Often, the beginner meditator alternates between breath and lovingkindness meditation. These practices kneads and shapes the mind into something that's soft and luminous, allowing one to see things in its true essence.

When one is infused with lovingkindess, all actions are harmonious with the world. Obstacles melt away because you are fluid and flexible in your actions, always forging a creative way forward. With lovingkindness, one is at one with the world.

The Energy of Life

This December has been a rather hectic month for me so far because it is the month for year-end social gatherings. Everyone is in a good mood when Christmas approaches. The weather is rainy and cool, which is conducive for heart-warming drinking sessions with old friends.

This month is also a transition month for me as I'll be trying to embark on something different next year. It can be challenging as I am tackling so many things alone, relying on whatever little skillsets and contacts I have. But life goes on. I am always focusing on the task at hand and I have faith that any path that I take will bring fresh and life-changing insights.

Just the other day, M. was asking me why she is always jealous of other people's success. She felt a bit disappointed with herself. I told her that it is natural for feelings of envy or jealousy to arise. Emotions are like waves in the ocean. They will rise and fall, driven by the wind and gravity. The important thing is not to allow any of them to turn into a tsunami. That is why surrender and acceptance is vital. Emotions rise and by not dwelling on them, they simply fade away.

I advised M to harness the energy of that wave and turn it into something positive instead. Whenever jealousy arises, it means there's energy and movement that can be harnessed--like how a sailing ship takes advantage of the winds and tides to sail to its destination. Do not waste this energy. Jealousy is just an indication that we are diverting our inner energy into something that's not productive. Perhaps, other people's success can motivate you to work even harder? That's a positive use of that energy.

Hatred and jealousy are wasted energy. Detect them early and divert them into position action on your part. Take comfort in the fact that you have emotions, which is merely a reflection of your energetic potential. You have all the passionate forces of life stirring within you. Be glad that it is so. You are simply alive.

The Might of Myths

I've been thinking of writing about the topic of myth for a while. What are myths and why are they so significant to humans?

In the old days, myths involving stories of warriors, gods and heavenly creatures are intertwined with the everyday lives of people. They explain the success and failure of crops, the rise and fall of nations, the life and death of humans, who have very little control over the mysterious forces of nature, which governed their destinies.

Part of the appeal of religion are the myths about their founders and their conception of eschatology--the destiny of believers and unbelievers when the end of times come. Myths have the power to imbue human lives with a kind of cosmic meaning.

In modern day usage, the word myth has acquired some negative connotations: it implies some amount of falsehood. When someone says, 'it's a myth'--that means it's factually untrue. But we've not outgrown our need for myths even though we have gained some mastery over nature with our knowledge of science and technology. Myths have now incarnated into conspiracy theories and urban legends. And they are amplified virally over cyberspace, blurring the lines between reality and falsehood.

But why do myths have such an enduring appeal to us? I think it's related to what I discussed last week: the mind latches on to anything that is 'interesting'. The mind cannot store isolated facts well--they need to be woven together into stories. Then only do they stick.

Myths are like software architectures or frameworks. Programmers are familiar with that. For example, web programmers know about the Model-View-Controller architecture or MVC. By adhering to the principles of MVC, your code is more organized, easier to scale and maintain. It is a kind of self-discipline, which helps to organize complexity. So are myths.

Religion rely on myths to guide and inspire the conduct of its believers. Not many Christians would be able to grasp the Neo-platonistic concepts in St Augustine's writings but almost everyone can identify with story of the Passion and the many parables of Jesus' teachings. Myths have an emotional appeal. It is the most effective form of mass education.

Any interesting anecdote that is recounted many times have the potential to become a myth. After a while, people do not care where it originated. All myths belong to the public domain. They lodge in the collective unconscious forever. Myths are the clothes-line that allow 'facts' to hang together.

All master mnemonists apply the same trick: to remember a long string of items or numbers, they turn them into visual objects and invent a narrative to weave the sequence of things together. People remember things well not because they have good memory brain-cells but simply because they have a good imagination for inventing stories.

That is power of myths. Once absorbed by the mind, they are like a drug that's injected into the bloodstream. They determine the course of our future actions. So take stock of your myths. Remember, myths are always mightier than facts.

The Meaning of Monotony

This is another typical vegetarian Monday for me. I've been doing this routine for many years. Routines give life a certain propulsive power. I've discussed about this in a previous blog article. Today I'm going to talk about another aspect of routine life--that it is monotonous and unmemorable.

The way our memory works is that it remembers novelties. We are hardwired that way. We remember things and events that stand out from the rest. If your everyday life involves you pursuing the same routines everyday, you'll find the familiar experience of time passing very fast. No, time always plods on at the same pace. Just that when there are no significant events to remember, all we see is an expanse of blandness. We mark time by events. If you punctuate your life with many small memorable events throughout the day, you'll find that your day can become very long.

You typical day in the office feels short, because all you remember is you going and leaving the office. But if you had spent the day attending a conference overseas where you got to sit through many talks and meet many new people throughout the world, you'll find that the day felt pretty full. A three-day conference certainly feels longer than 3 routine days in the office. The difference in our perception of time is just the novelty of our experience.

The key is novelty. The mind is programmed for it. The mind also gets familiar with things very fast. If you attend conferences every week, you'll will find it difficult to tell one from another. Time would fly again. Your year will pass in a blur of conferences.

Every letter that I type here has a timestamp--it occurred at a specific moment in in my lifetime. My blog has become the best chronicler of my mental life. Some article are more memorable than others. But again, because I've written so many of them, I can only remember the significant ones. The important thing though is to write and not to dwell on them like static monuments.

As long as you are acting positively in the world, you are leading a meaningful life--even if your life seems like a monotonous one. The pistons in an engine only move up and down but it propels the vehicle forward. As long as we act and live every moment of our lives with intent and purpose, we are living life to the fullest. The young mother who feels tied down with the endless chore of changing diapers and feeding her baby everyday is soon amazed to find how fast her child grows. In the 'blink of an eye', he is a young boy, and then a rebellious teenager and finally fully grown man, ready to start his own family.

The monotony of every life, if pursued with purpose, always bear results. Nothing is duller than watching a tree grow but grow it does and soon it will reward you with a bounty of fruits. It is the monotonous rhythm of the beat that binds a musical piece together. Without its regularity, everything falls apart. So do not lament the humdrum existence of your everyday life: listen to the rhythm of its monotony and how it alone binds everything into a meaningful whole.

A Soliloquy on Sleep

I didn't write yesterday because I was rushing off some work which I had promised a client. Only just now did I finally sent the thing off. My head is throbbing from the lack of sleep these last couple of days. So I'm going to take it easy for the rest of the day and hopefully go to bed earlier tonight.

It is a great feeling to have spent the day working hard. Rest is sweeter when well-earned. Rest is important for the mind because a lot of things require sub-conscious processing. I don't normally rush into decisions whenever I'm doing something because I know the mind takes time to come up with the right answer. You just allow it to marinate with all the necessary facts and information. At some point, the solution will pop up.

Sleep is important both to the mind and the body. All self-healing happens during sleep. The body has a natural intelligence and when given the opportunity it will readjust itself to correct imbalances. But you must give it the opportunity to do so. The intelligence of the body is hardest at work during sleep-time. It knows that we are in an inactive state, and it can start doing maintenance work--very much like how our highways and computer systems get fixed late at night when there are no users.

I always find it strange that we consider sleeping and waking up the following day a given. Why are we so confident that we'll wake up at all? Doesn't death sneak up on us like sleep? And when we sleep, are we not yielding ourselves to the higher powers that could giveth and taketh?

So wake up every morning with a sense of gratitude that you are alive--to rise smelling the fresh morning air and be given a chance to see your loved ones another day. Kahlil Gibran expresses it most beautifully in the Prophet:

To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving; To rest at noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy; To return home at eventide with gratitude; And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise on your lips.

Yet how casually do we waste our days when we know that its store is finite. We have no choice but to yield to sleep every night for life imposes its mandatory cycle of death and resurrection that we may pursue our waking hours with a renewed vigour everyday. How sadly can this go wrong for some, who despite being blessed with fame and beauty still find life unwelcoming.

We must also pursue life with the humility that we are all vulnerable to the vicissitudes of life. And that no one is immune from the forces of despair and depression which could also creep up unseen on us, as quietly as sleep.

Perhaps the best weapon against the forces of depression is an attitude of daily gratitude. Whatever little we have, is a blessing still. We slept and woke up alive. And that is all that matters.

A Learned Life

The greatest joy in life is the joy of learning. If I have any purpose in life at all, it is to learn. To learn is to live (it's probably the title of a blog post, I wrote more than a decade ago).

I measure the success of my day by how much I've learned. And in moments like this, just before bedtime, I reflect back on the day: what did I learn? Only when we learn do we stem the forces of decay that gnaw unceasingly at our souls. If we learn something everyday, it means that we've grown, even though we are a step closer to our graves.

What constitutes learning? Learning is the endless process of classification, assimilation and transformation of thoughts. Every action and reaction in our everyday life stirs our minds and reorganizes the constituents within. Like Tetris blocks falling into its rightful slot on the rising pile of rectangular blocks below.

Every success and setback experienced in life is a self-teaching moment. The material world sculpts us with the chisel of joy and pain--each blow reveals another layer of realization from the inner depths of our souls. We speak of souls, and minds and the world as if they are tangible forms, subject to our manipulations. These are mere illusions, yet still we need them as we need avatars to play virtual games, without which we have no material metaphors to hold on to.

I write, and every word that I materialize on this page is my response to the challenge which the universe poses to me. It kneads me into a certain shape, and I type these words to reassert my form. And in that dialectic between me and the universe, learning occurs. Insight arises.

And that's how we progress everyday. To challenge and be challenged. To participate in that eternal struggle that regenerates life at every moment. And true learning happens when we encounter the world this way. All learning has to be earned. And that is greatest lesson of life.

Walk as Worship

Here I am again on a Monday evening, staring at a blank page, trying to figure out what to write. But no matter, as always, I'll just take my fingers for a walk.

To walk leisurely is one of the greatest pleasures in life. My parking spot at the office basement is a distance away from the lift but I always enjoy the leisurely walk towards it. When going to a meeting anywhere, I often have a habit of parking a distance away from the actual destination. This is because the short walk from the car gives me time to think and help put myself into the right frame of mind before a meeting.

I think walking is also one of the healthiest exercises for cubicle creatures like us. It relaxes the body and helps circulation; it makes us body-aware and frees us from living too much in our heads. Buddhists are familiar with the practice of walking meditation, which is often done to break the monotony of its sitting counterpart. To walk slowly, observing the movement of the heels and the the pressure of feet on the ground helps to slow down our hurried pace of life.

I remember my time in Singapore when I was commuting by bus everyday to work. Singapore is very pedestrian friendly and I enjoyed alighting at the bus-stop outside Liang Court, along River Valley road. From there, I had the pleasure of walking across a bridge over the Singapore River towards my office at Central Mall. That was a very happy time in my life. I had my Walkman with me, and was listening to audiobooks everyday.

To walk is to engage in the simplest physical activity that one can do. To me, it is an act of worship, of participating in the flow of the universe. Only when you are in the throes of rhythmic locomotion are you at one with everything.

Isn't walking also the cheapest form of exercise that anyone of us can pursue? You don't need fancy exercise outfits or expensive gym memberships. And the best thing is that you can incorporate it into your daily life. Do like what I do: just park further away from the office. Or just take the train, which would surely involve a lot of walking.

Being able to walk is actually a great blessing which many of the old and disabled are not able to enjoy. So be grateful that you've been blessed with this gift. The simple and graceful act of walking is a miracle of motion which our most advanced robotics are still struggling to reproduce. But enough of talk. Let's just walk it.

The Scourge of the Second Law

Today, I'm writing these lines from my apartment in Cyberjaya. I am usually here once a week, for a change of environment. It is the only personal space I have and all the books that I've accumulated throughout by reading life are here. Being here makes me happy because I'm surrounded by books and all the things I love.

We spend our entire lives collecting things. Lately I've come to realize that space is a very limited resource. Every item that you acquire requires some amount of space and time. You need to place it somewhere and you need to keep it free from dust and heat to preserve it. Even if you have the space to store all these memorabilia, you still need time to appreciate them. More often than not they lie forgotten in some out-of-reach shelf or stashed in some dusty box under the bed.

My policy nowadays is not to acquire things unless absolutely necessary. Reducing clutter has become a very important goal to me. Even if you can afford to buy a large apartment to keep all your material possessions, the place itself requires maintenance. Everything decays and the only thing that keeps them going is maintenance. If you own a house, you'll know how often things break and what a hassle it is to find someone to fix them.

I remember living in a hotel in Indonesia for 2 years as probably the happiest period of my life. I did not have to worry about maintaining anything. Everything I possessed came in two suitcases. But when I left, I had to ship back two large boxes of books. Accumulating books is one bad habit that I have not managed to discard.

Life requires maintenance. We spend our entire lives fighting the Second Law of Thermodynamics, which dictates that entropy has to increase. The entire universe is moving towards ever increasing disorder. Some theologians used to use this as the 'prove' that the theory of evolution is false: how can complex and organized life forms like human beings evolve from the chaos of the universe? But scientists who really understand the laws of physics know that, local pockets of organization can emerge 'briefly' from the chaos of the Big Bang. Galaxies and planetary systems look like they have been engineered by some creator God, but science can easily show that they are all natural consequences of the energy matter obeying natural physical laws.

Human intuition is limited by the very smallness of our sensory experiences in relation to the immensity of the universe. A single human lifetime is an insignificant flicker of existence. We simply have no capacity to imagine what 13.5 billion years is like. We can't even explore all the sights within our own country, let alone comprehend the vastness of the solar system, which is just a cluster of rocks around an insignificant star on the edge of the Milky Way galaxy---one of many billions of such systems in the universe.

And yet here we are, trying to make the most out of the brief existence that we have, preoccupied with petty little quarrels and concerns. 7.7 billion people squabbling and jostling for space on a tiny blue marble hurtling through empty space, succumbing, inevitably to the Second Law. Realizing this is at once humbling an exalting.

Rite of Coding, Code of Writing

Today is a public holiday and I'm currently sipping coffee at Starbucks, at the Curve in Mutiara Damansara. Feeling a bit sleep as I've been up since 4am. I enjoy my early morning work session. I see it as a kind of practice session. Coding is a skill which gets rusty when you do not practice it often enough. It is also why I keep this blog--it is my weekly writing exercise.

Coding and writing are skills that need to be honed. Coding is 'easier' than writing because you always know exactly where you are heading. The end-goal is clear: you are always trying to deliver some feature or functionality. How well you do it, depends on your skill and creativity.

You can also say that certain forms of writing, say writing a report, requires you to know exactly where you are heading too. You have to convey certain points and messages. But writing, unlike coding is harder because your choice of words is vast and there are a thousand and one ways an idea can be expressed. Sometimes you grope in the dark in search of the perfect word or phrase to express what you have in mind. Often what comes out is not exactly what you had wished to convey. But that is part of the challenge of writing. It is finding a way for thoughts and impressions to material into the physical world as printed or written words.

Coding, on the other hand is constrained by the programming language. Despite that, there is still a lot of room for creativity. The goal of the programmer is to achieve its goal with an economy of means. An elegant piece of program has no superfluous statements. Every line has a purpose. And a good programmer aims to make his code clean and maintainable. One thing I've found out the hard way is that a messy and unorganized piece of code will always come back to haunt you. Architecture is very important and code has to be constantly refactored to make them general and reusable.

Therein lies the key difference between coding and writing: when it comes to coding, the more reuse you can achieve, the better a programmer you are. You do not want to reinvent the wheel every time. If you can make use of components you have built before, that means you have done your job well. Whereas as an original writer, you strictly abhor repetition. Even if you have to write about the same thing again, you will not be looked upon highly if you just cut-and-paste sentences that your readers have read before. Never under-estimate your reader and always try to express something new, even if it revolves around the same subject.

I treat coding and writing are two important ritual that keep my mind constantly sharp. They are to my brain what my jogging sessions are to my body. They are my inviolable codes of conduct. Everyday when I start my morning work session, I feel grateful and blessed that I am able to still perform these activities well. And long may it continue!

A Life for Show

My blog article last week was a pretty heavy one. I don't think I'll even want to attempt something like that this week. Let this week's topic be light and easy, simply because I have been working since 5am and am feeling quite exhausted.

So today, I'll just take my fingers for a stroll on my computer keyboard, just allowing words to pour out, no matter what the subject might be. In other words, I'll just be rambling. Since this is my blog, I can do whatever I like and I don't have a readership to please. That's the perverse pleasure and advantage of keeping a blog that no one reads.

The generation who grew up on social media today has a lot of challenges to tackle. I'm referring to the recent news of a K-Pop star who committed suicide. During my time, bullying could only happen during school-hours and your reputation is only limited to a very small world. Nowadays, cyberbullying is 24 hours and is global in scale.

When Facebook and Twitter first started, I was among the early users. It was a lot of fun in the early days. But unfortunately social media have taken over our lives. They have made everyone's life a kind of reality show. Think how strange my last statement is. Life, a reality show? Yes, we've turned our real lives into a kind of show, with a global audience in mind, until we are not able to see what is real and what is not.

Isn't it not surprising that there's such a thing called 'fake news'? Because we treat our lives as show (and shows are by definition, not real), we cannot discern what is real and unreal anymore.

I think I've mentioned elsewhere before that social media is an amplifier of human virtues and weaknesses. Like technology, it can be a force for both good and bad. Be it fame or infamy--anything can be multiplied a thousand fold in cyberspace. Issues flare up and die down in rapid cycles and we live in a incessant wave of these distractions.

It is natural for human beings to crave for attention. We want to share things with friends and with the people we care about. We used to do that when we meet face-to-face in meatspace. That is the real meaning of socializing. Nowadays, we seem to think that every brain-fart of ours is headline material. So we tweet, we upload, we post, we share with a deft swipe of the finger.

Cyberspace could be infinite. But human lifespan is finite. Is your life a 24-hour social media show where you constantly have to coax and cajole people for their attention? Maybe that's a good life. Maybe not. You decide. It's your show.

Absolute Abstraction

Brutes abstract not - John Locke

Today I'm lucky enough to be seated comfortably at my favourite spot at the Coffee Bean Cafe. This means that I can really relax and settle down on my thoughts of the day. Or rather, what I've been thinking about lately.

I have been working on my personal projects most of the time, doing a lot of coding. When you code, your main preoccupation is getting the application functionality done in the cleanest and simplest possible way. That's something that's easier said than done.

All developers know that they are always working within time constraints. Your users wanted it yesterday. So you try to push out something reasonable quickly, often having to resort to workarounds and quick fixes. Users are happy as long as the application works. They only see the facade of the software--its user interface. As long as it meets all the requirements and does not break easily, they walk away happy. You live to code another day.

But six months down the road, they come back to you with more requirements for the application. And when you open the hood, you realized that you do not understand your own code anymore. What seemed so logically clear and obvious previously now looks like spaghetti code to you. All your workarounds and quick fixes have come back to haunt you. You have to invest a lot of time to try to understand what you or another co-worker have done. Without understanding it again thoroughly, any change could break the entire application in unexpected ways. You have to suffer the karmic consequences of your coding sins.

There's a whole slew of best practices for the programmer to avoid these pitfalls. Clean code requires modularity and separation of concerns. Every part does a small well-defined job with clear inputs and outputs. At the lowest level you have objects with encapsulated data and methods, which collectively performs the function of a specific layer or a tier of logic. The entire 'application' could also be a microservice--the building block of another larger service or application.

Each level is abstracted from the other. You can be working at the microservice layer and sees each component as having clear and clean APIs. That's all you need to know. Details and dependencies that you do not need to know are hidden away from you. Abstraction is the key to peace of mind. As a programmer, you might be responsible for all the layers of logic but at any moment in time, you are only working at a particular level of abstraction. And that is the most important thing.

Life too consists of many levels of abstractions. To a CEO, all the divisions and departments in his companies are objects and layers of abstraction. He only needs to know what resources are needed by each and what deliverables are expected of them. The departmental heads are working at another lower level of abstractions. He has workers with well-defined job functions. They need to do their part to ensure that the goals of the department are met, which then feed into the overall delivery mechanism of the company, orchestrated by the CEO.

Any individual is also made up of many levels of abstractions. You can consider your physical body as the lowest level. You have no control over how your individual cells and organs operate but you can ensure that you eat the right food, do the proper exercises and keep it safe from external harm and make sure it is well-rested. That will ensure that the machinery of your body continues functioning--you can walk, you can talk and you can think and reason.

Our ability to think opens up another dimension of abstraction. This is where we often encounter 'spaghetti code'. If we know how to abstract different domains of our intellectual and emotional lives, we'll never get them mixed up together. A lot of pain and conflict in life arise because we are too muddled-headed. We let personal issues affect work and vice versa. We are unclear about what resources are required for each and every aspect of our lives. We allocate too much time and money to unnecessary things, simply because we have no clear boundaries between the different domains, each with its individual demands.

The practice of mindfulness helps us to abstract things. We see a thought as an object that has a lifecycle. Nothing more, nothing less. No single thought hogs the entire process. They come, and they go. There's inversion of control--your awareness controls them, and not the other way round.

A bunch of thoughts make up a personality: your Self. The self is another layer of abstraction. It has an ego, which is an apparent interface requiring certain dependencies as its input. But the self is nothing more than the amalgamation of your many thoughts, which are the result of the neuro-physical activities of your brain and body chemistry. Who is it that plays at this level of abstraction? The soul, perhaps?

The soul sees the self and the human body as having a lifecycle. There's inversion of control again. The physical self is but the souls momentary instantiation. Many religion plays at this level of abstraction. They claim that the soul lives on after the physical body dies--to be judged in an afterlife or to be reborn again in another cycle of instantiation. But is the soul too another level of abstraction?

Perhaps there are infinite levels of abstractions? And we in the smallness of our self-oriented consciousness can only speculate as far as the soul. Are we not part of a higher existence which plays at many levels of abstractions? Our language is only suited for describing our very level of abstraction--so we can only speak of human-like God or gods. Are these not mere models, mental stepping-stones for exploring higher levels of abstractions? To speak of the soul, is already an achievement of abstraction of sorts. How else are we supposed to ascend to even loftier levels?

Well, let's meditate on it. Let's abstract it. It's the least we could do.

The Wisdom of the Ocean and the Sky

As I type these lines, I'm perched uncomfortably on a high stool, with my usual mug of Americano at the Coffee Bean cafe. Sometimes the cafe is a bit crowded and you don't get the spot that you like--especially one with a power point. But I'm used to working from uncomfortable places everywhere. Once you get into the flow, you are oblivious of the surrounding.

There's a depth of mind which we only glimpse during periods of deep concentration or meditation. If you manage to tap into it, you get access to a wellspring of ideas. Which is why I often ramble on for a few lines whenever I start a blog post, just to get into the groove--an invocation to the inner world.

The most rewarding thing about meditation is that, you always get some new insights on the nature of your mind. These insights help you in many ways. For example, the other day, while I was struggling for a while with wandering thoughts during my meditation, I hit upon the idea that these thoughts are like the wind and rain that continuously lash at a flag-pole. But the flag-pole holds steadfast to the ground no matter how furiously the flag gets blown and beaten by the wind. By imagining myself as the flagpole, I immediately gain strength in my concentration. All spurious thoughts had no hold on me.

This reminds me of the famous Zen story about two monks arguing about a flag. The first monk said: "The flag is waving". The second one says, "No, it is the wind that is moving". And then the patriarch who happened to be passing by, commented: "It is your mind that is moving".

It is the mind that chooses to 'move' with thoughts. Thoughts come and go and if we follow them, the mind gets distracted. Allow them to drift into our consciousness like clouds in the sky (another useful mental model to adopt when meditating). You are the sky in the background--vast, immovable, ever-present, all-seeing, all-knowing.

But what is the sky? It is also not 'something'. It doesn't have a permanent colour or substance. It is the witness of all the activities that happen within and without. And even within and without is just an illusion. There's only incessant change of which we are a part of.

The ocean is another good metaphor for our existence. The waves--if you freeze it in time, looks like some perfect sculpture, designed by some unseen hand. But no wave has a single permanent existent and even to speak of a 'wave' is an artificial division of the expanse of water which we call the ocean. Each of our individual existence is like a momentary wave. We rise and subside just as swiftly, if we view our lifetime from a cosmic perspective. And here we are clinging so desperately to a wavelet in the ocean, sparkling momentarily in the sunlight, mistaking it for an immutable diamond.

If you remain on the surface, you'll always be thrown about like flotsam. But if you dive deeper into the depths of the ocean, you merge into the whole and the wisdom of the entire ocean is yours to tap. And like a diver of the deep, a hitherto unimaginable world of beauty is finally revealed before your eyes.

Grace and Gratitude

Weekends are for 'sharpening the saw'--the seventh habit of Dr Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. We should never be too busy sawing and completely forget about sharpening it. Renewal and rejuvenation is essential to maintain a healthy working life.

I'm happy to have been able to jog both today and yesterday. And today, I also spent some time cleaning out some old stuff and as a result, I have 3 more bags of 'offerings' to the God of Karma--stuff that I have not touched for ages (some for more than 10 years). These are old karma that needs to permanently resolved with gratitude. One feels greatly unburdened after such an exercise.

We spend so much of our lives chasing new experiences. The human soul needs to be constantly challenged, entertained and awed. When we are young, this spirit surges ahead like a mighty tsunami, overwhelming and obliterating everything along its path. As it moves, it expends its energy and finally the tsunami has completely worked out its 'karma'.

When we seek new experiences--we are actually looking for outlets for karma to find its resolution. It is karma that gives us life. It is a force that creates and destroys. It is, as Dylan Thomas puts it: "the force that through the green fuse drives the flower...is my destroyer". Karma always mean consequences. When we use the energy of karma to chase new experiences, sometimes we generate even more karma, creating an endless cycle of action and reaction.

The meditative man is like a good heat sink. He is constantly dissipating heat/karma. That is what meditation does in your mind--it isolates thoughts, and then let them decay naturally. Everything in the universe decays and dies. Meditation is simply good karmic management--an absolutely necessary mental house-keeping activity. Meditation helps to maintain the equilibrium of the system and allow karma to be dissipated efficiently.

Every action begins with karmic energy from a single thought. This thought gets its energy from another previous thought. The thought either snowballs into a bigger one by gathering energy from other related thoughts or it simple loses momentum and fades away. In the silence of our meditation, you'll know which thought does what. We do a 'ps -ef' on our mental processes as we strive to become better system administrators of the mind.

Sometimes, we just need to reboot the system. And that's what I try to do with my mind on weekends. Cleared of karmic residues, it is ready to tackle the start of another week--one which my heart welcomes with grace and gratitude.

The Dance of Daemons

I'm typing these lines at Espressolab Cafe, Empire Subang. Had some salad for dinner and here I am trying to figure what to write for today's blog post. I'm feeling quite exhausted from all the work I did over the past few days. It is great to have a reason to work.

I wrote about Aristotle's Eudaimonia last week. 'Daimon' means spirit in Greek--the original root of our word, demon, or the slightly more archaic version 'daemon'. Eudaimonia can be loosely translate as 'good (eu) spirit (daimon)'. That's another key to understanding the meaning of Eudaimonia: there's a spirit within us that seeks to be aligned with a purpose. For some reason, the more modern version of the word,'demon' has come to mean something evil. But daemons are a different story.

When you boot up a computer system that is running Unix (like the laptop that I'm using now), you will find lot of processes running in the background--also called 'daemons' in Unix parlance. I love writing daemons--they are processes that work quietly in the background providing useful services, essential to the health of the entire system.

Maybe daemons reflect my natural inclination--I too enjoy working quietly in the background. I'm happy as long as I'm doing useful work and serving my purpose. Daemons never blow their own trumpet. You'll never know they exist. But when they fail, something will go wrong.

Some people are meant to be loud--like graphical user interfaces (GUIs). They display themselves to the world. They too serve their purpose in their own way. The world needs both background daemon processes and GUIs to function well. Come to think of it, 'GUI' is Hokkien for 'ghost'. It looks like these creatures from the netherworld make the world go round.

Processes which have died but for some reason have not been cleaned up by the operating system, are called 'zombie processes'. These category of creatures are absolutely useless. They are processes who used to do useful work but have somehow crashed or died an unnatural death. Their resources have not been properly reclaimed by the operating system. If you have worked in any large company before, you'll know that they are employees who are like zombies. They occupy space, draw salaries but do not contribute anything useful at all. Some have degenerated into such a state because they have lost their motivation to work.

That is why it is important to always have a purpose in life--telos in Greek. Telos is central to Aristotle's philosophy. Everything in the universe has an inherent purpose. A purpose is simple a goal and direction. Whether there's a universal divine purpose to our lives or not is immaterial. Even a nihilistic existentialist will tell you to define your own subjective purpose and pursue it. Without a purpose, nothing happens in the universe.

So be actively like those daemons--dancing quietly in the background serving their individual duties. The alternative is becoming a zombie.

The Music of Eudaimonia

Today is another public holiday: as a matter of fact, it is Malaysia Day--a day that should be celebrated with a lot more enthusiasm than how it is currently done. These days, I think Sabah and Sarawak whose citizens take great pride in their diversity of culture and religion should be the model for the rest of the country. Maybe we should follow Indonesia's lead in moving the capital of the country to the island of Borneo!

I've been working from home the whole day. Come to think of it, I did not even step out of the house today! But what a productive day it has been. I woke up early at 5.30am. After a brief meditation session, I managed to work on my app project until 8am before I went down for breakfast. After that it was more work until dinner time, with a short break for tea. It has been a productive day and that makes me happy.

Sometimes people ask me why do I never seem to stop working. Today while enjoying my afternoon cup of Earl Grey, the thought occurred to me: Why was this question never posed to professional pianists or athletes?

The answer is clear: performance artists and sportsmen need to be constantly training and practicing to keep their performance in tip-top condition. And that is exactly how I view my work: I need to be constantly practicing to be mentally fit.

I see my work as training. An athlete's or a musician's job is never 'done'. To keep himself mentally and physically in peak condition is his job. To me, if any piece of work gets delivered, it is like the completion of a performance for the musician or a race for the athlete. There will always be some hits and misses. He or she has to go back to the studio or training ground and try to work on those weaknesses. One is never ever satisfied with one's performance.

I take great effort to ensure that I do not wear myself down from overwork. A balanced lifestyle is important. I do socialize, even though not as often as I used to. I give priority to my backlog of hobbies, of which reading is at the very top of my list. I enjoy my weekly exercise sessions at the park, where I also get to listen to my audiobooks. I subscribe to Spotify, from where I also get to sample a wide selection of music--especially those from obscure Baroque or medieval composers.

We live in a great age when there are a lot more content and information than we could ever consume in a lifetime. Hence we need to be selective and to know how to use our time wisely. You don't need a lot of money to enjoy life because all the good things in life (at least the ones that matter to me) are cheap.

Aristotle defines the purpose of life as achieving 'Eudaimonia'--which is often loosely translated as 'happiness'. But it means more than that. To me Eudaimonia is a state of well-being, in alignment with one's inner spirit. Work, if motivated by the right spirit, is an opportunity to achieve Eudaimonia. And no one expresses it more beautifully than Kahlil Gibran:

"When you work, you are a flute whose heart the whispering of the hours turns to music".

And to me, that music is Eudaimonia.

The Demons of Distraction

I'm meeting a friend at 6.30pm to discuss about some of our on-going projects. I have about 45 minutes to write this blog post before the meeting. It's a public holiday today--one of the 3 long weekends we have this month. So it doesn't feel like my usual Monday at all.

I worked from home today, starting very early in the morning around 5 am. I love these early morning work sessions: the mind is so fresh when you wake up in the morning and during these golden hours, there are no distractions from anyone at all.

The good thing about clocking in some work in the wee hours of the morning is that you are guaranteed of a productive day, even before your day actually begins. It gives you a great sense of accomplishment for the rest of the day. Whatever you manage to do after that becomes almost like a bonus.

The most difficult challenge about starting the day early is of course having to go to bed early. I've been hitting sack before 12 lately but to really ensure that you wake up early and fresh, you'll have to go to bed almost like 10pm! That's kind of challenge in our lives today because a lot of our social life--dinners, outings with friends or family--extend until late at night. One such social event could disrupt your routine for days. Nothing is worse than feeling lethargic the whole day due to lack of sleep.

I've learned how to harness the tides of energy and concentration that I experience throughout the day as they ebb and flow. Do your best work when it is rising and allocate some time to relax when your energy is beginning to wane. Early morning after rising is when your powers of concentration is the highest. These are golden hours that should not be wasted doing web-surfing or other time-wasting activities.

Finding the right rhythm and balance is the key to productivity. A work session should not last more than 3 hours. Take a break in between to recharge yourself. I find that Baroque music works best for me. Coffee breaks and meals are also great activities to relax the mind. These breaks are also the best time to catch up on the messages that pile up on your phone while you were concentrating hard on your work.

That's the ideal scenario. In reality it seldom works out that way. We get interrupted and distracted many times during the course of our work session. Sometimes we subconsciously welcome then because--admit it--work can be pretty tedious and difficult. So you jump on the first Whatsapp message that drops into your phone.

The way I overcome distractions from the phone is not by turning it off but by lowering the notification sound and configuring the apps in such a way that nothing pops up on the screen. It's best to treat Whatsapp messages like email. Most of the time, they are not that important anyway.

So one needs to be extremely wary of distractions to be productive. Another trick that I use often is to reserve some 'easy work' for the next work session, so that you can get started easily. Without that convenient stepping stone to work, sometimes you won't get started at all because you'll probably have to search through lots of files to figure out what to do. And in the process, something will happen that distracts you away from work.

Remember, the demons of distraction are extremely devious. Be very very careful of their machinations. Godspeed.

The Education We Lost

There has been a lot of discussion about our education system lately. But come to think of it, education has always been one of the key national issues for as long as I can remember.

The older generation often lament about the declining standards of our education system. I am not old enough to be considered part of the English-educated generation. I had my entire education in a public Sekolah Kebangsaan. Was the standard better then compared to now? Let's examine this further.

My dad went to the old colonial English-medium school. I inherited many of his textbooks. I remember feeling envious that my dad got to study poems by Shelley, Wordsworth and Byron as part of his secondary education. I did read a lot of sajaks too during my school days and even wrote a few myself. But I was the exception. I don't remember any of my classmates having the same kind of interest in poetry and literature as I did.

I am a hundred percent a product of the national school. Was the standard of education better then? Thinking back, I think there were a lot more bad teachers than good ones. But as students we did not know any better and being the foolish schoolkids we were, we actually liked teachers who walked into the classroom and declared: "buat kerja sendiri hari ni". It meant we could spend the period, chit-chatting or playing games with our classmates. It made our day. We didn't appreciate the good teachers who were usually strict disciplinarians. But they were few and far between. Most of the teachers never prepared any of their lessons. Some just dictated notes to us; the entire period would be spent copying notes.

Unlike kids today, I didn't go to any tuition during my primary schooldays. My parents guided me whenever they could. They inculcated in me the discipline to study everyday. The good thing was that there were not much distractions then--limited TV (black and white), no internet, no smartphones, no computer games. They only 'distractions' were outdoor activities--playing football, marbles and other outdoor games with neighbourhood friends.

I think that made our childhood education more meaningful. We were never distracted; we had healthy outdoor activities and going to school was a lot of fun because our friends were there. We wanted to hang out with friends--eating together at the school canteen, getting all sweaty during PE lessons and hanging out in school after class for extra-curricular activities. Sometimes we would venture out into the rubber-estate behind the school and had great fun frolicking in in the stream, catching fish and playing ducks and drakes.

Perhaps that was the best part of our education. No, I don't think the teachers were not any better or worse than the ones today. The syllabus--I don't know and we didn't care. We learned enough science, mathematics, English, BM, art and even a bit of Mandarin for us to pick up any other advanced subjects later in life. I can still write and read in elementary Jawi, which we all learned in school.

I feel we were a more cohesive society then not because race-relations were a lot better then. No, for as far as I can remember, politically, there has always been suspicion between the races. But socially, in the national schools, there was a good mix of different races studying and playing together everyday. That was the best part of it. It was nothing unusual and it was fun. We spoke Malay all the time, even among the non-Malays.

When I see schoolkids today being picked up by parents from their elite schools to be shuttled immediately to their tuition centres, I pity them for not having the kind of 'education' that we used to have. No, our teachers were not better, our syllabus were not superior, our standard of English wasn't that good either.

But we interacted a lot. That was the key difference. We played after school together, Back home, we watched the same TV programs (Combat, Six-Million Dollar Man, Empat Sekawan, Drama Minggu Ini, Bintang RTM) and talked about them in school the next day. Most of all, we shared a common space. That to me was where the real education took place. And sadly, that is something we have really lost.

The Piston of Time

I like to keep my weekly blogging schedule because I like discipline. Discipline helps to shape the soul of a person. However when applying discipline, one needs to find the right balance: too strict a regiment suffocates a person and induces fear and distaste; too lax a routine invites laziness.

Balance is the key to everything. But that is the hardest thing to achieve. A sense of balance comes from having wisdom, but wisdom itself is a product of learning and experience. One of the key challenges of life is that, we are uncomfortable with uncertainty. We want clear, fixed answers to everything. We want rules: what is right and what is wrong. But a lot of things in life do not have such clear binary distinctions.

At every point in life, there's a best fit solution and never a perfect one. Finding the best fit solution--the balancing point that optimizes everything, is what we have to deal with all the time.

I like to use the analogy of a surfer when it comes to navigating through the ocean of life. A surfer has to find his balance every moment, reacting to the movement of the waves beneath him. By remaining in balance, he surges ahead. A surfer can never determine in advance, how he should position his body at any moment: balance comes with practice and experience. With enough practice, the skill becomes hardwired and instinctive.

For example, parents have to make difficult decisions everyday: How much freedom should they allow for their children? How much time should they spend playing computer games? How late are they allowed to stay out? There's no definite answer for all these. It is a problem balance again. And with experience, you get a feel of the right answer for the situation at hand.

I used to blog everyday. It was the discipline I imposed on myself then. But that was more than 15 years ago. The circumstances of my life was very different then: I had a very simple life in Indonesia, living alone with little care or worry. The discipline then was good for me. Without the strict regiment I imposed on myself, I wouldn't be able to do a lot of things that I am doing now.

With the current circumstances of my life, a weekly blogging schedule suits me perfectly: not too frequent and not too slack. I still feel a bit of 'pressure' when blogging day (Monday) comes because I have to figure out what to write and I have to will myself to type words onto a blank screen.

But I've had enough experience to know that, having a fixed schedule makes things easy and automatic. The ticking clock is the piston movement that powers the engine of your day. When the time comes, you just do it, because you are pushed by that perpetual machine that is Time. But you see how powerful that piston is. It has pushed me to this last paragraph of my blog post for this week. So when it comes to work, find the right balance by adjusting the regularity of your activities. The piston of time will do the rest for you.