Value with a Vengeance

Is it possible for any one of us to exist as an individual without association to any community, society, tribe or organisation? The moment you are born, you are already a part of an organisation--your family. You don't get to choose that. You are a passive recipient of their love, care, advice and admonitions. The overriding concern is your survival and your role as the progeny of the family line.

You are taught to speak and you learn to express your needs, your likes and dislikes through the medium of language--which you now know as your mother tongue. The words, phrases, idioms, sayings and proverbs that come with that language become a part of you, shaping your thinking and your view of the world.

So, no one is ever born free. You are born with very specific initial conditions, or what I often refer to as boundary conditions, that limit and constraint the way to think and interact with the world. It's like the instruction set of a processor. Your primordial personality is cast in the assembly language of your mother tongue.

As you grow older, you learn more things--specific subjects and life skills that are independent of the language of instruction. But how well you master those skills depends to a large degree on your genetic makeup--in other words, your hardware--and the primitives of your operating system. The skills are like the applications you have on your computer. They are 'installed' through a process called 'education'.

When you go out and work in a company for instance, which is set up with a specific purpose, you become a node in a larger organisation, applying your higher level skills and knowledge to serve a particular role and function demanded by the organisation. The company attempts to impose its values on you too, through its corporate culture.

You also realise that there's an even larger organisation that you belong to--your country of which you are a citizen. It too has its own aspirations, values and culture, imposed upon you through the law and constitution and the public education that it provides you. As a good citizen, you are supposed to express a love and affinity towards these values and be 'patriotic'.

Emotionally however, the temperament and the values that you honour were forged during your upbringing by that default organisation that you were born into. That, is the culture of your family and your tribe, which to a large extent, shapes your personality. Even though genetics do play a big hand in determining who you are, it's the culture that determines which genetic traits get expressed or suppressed.

Your choice or music, religion, food and movies that you watch, and perhaps the political party that you vote for, are determined by these more primitive layers of your psyche. but are the values of your lower layers in congruence with the higher layer ones? 

A lot of the problems of humanity are caused by these differences in value. What you think is self-evident truth to you and your tribe might not be so to another. Are we able to appreciate these differences as 'diversity' which makes an ecosystem thrive and agree to celebrate them? Or are we bent on out-arguing the other party so that you can convince them that your values are greater than theirs?

Some values, especially religious ones, are deal-breakers. There's no compromise, because these values are already embedded in the psyche of the people.  When we can't convert the other party to ours, we resort to doing so by force. That's how humanity has been spending their time throughout history.

Whenever we find ourselves pursuing our cherished values with a vengeance,  let's ask ourselves, how did these values arise in first place? Can we co-create better ones? That is definitely a spirit that I would value.

A Potential Difference

Welcome to this moment. Yes, this moment. Every moment is here, now and eternal. When I connect with this moment, I am awake. Conscious. 

I have an hour to write something today. Let's analyse the previous sentence. It was a thought: I was trying to project into the future when I would have already written my blog entry today. That's the nature of a thought. It's always about the future or the past. When I think of something, I set up a tension in the mind: there's an idea of how things should be and how it is now. This gap is a 'potential difference'--almost like a voltage (V) between two points in a electrical circuit which enables current (I) to flow.

Whenever there is a potential difference, there's energy to do work. Action happens in the world, transforming its state, which then sets up a new potential difference.  Emotionally, this potential difference is often felt as a kind of 'stress'. We could waste all this potential energy in stressing about what we are supposed to do--in my case, what to write.

Stress is like the resistance in a piece of conductor wire. In an ideal conductor, resistance, (R) is zero. But in the real world, every conductor has some finite amount of resistance, which causes energy to be lost as heat (I-squared R) .Stress is like heat--wasted energy. We should try to minimise stress, every time we feel a potential difference in the mind. 

In my case, my task is simply to make use of this potential difference to produce words and sentences as smoothly and efficiently as possible, without worry or hesitancy. Every outpouring from my mind, driven by this potential difference, if I'm focussed and conscious, should be sincere and true.

I have to trust the mind to reveal the truth of things, as nature is the truth. If my words reflect my thoughts which are natural products of nature, then I have nothing to worry about. It is as it should be. Every word produced every moment is precise and accurate. 

But I'm not a perfect conductor. There's obviously some amount of stress, uncertainty and obfuscation due to my imperfections. But that's alright. The whole purpose of this blog is to allow this process to unfold, so that I become a better conductor of thoughts. 

And then there's this thing called the ego. Thoughts change the medium that conducts it.  It's like the conductor becoming oxidised, making it a less efficient conductor. Ego is formed as we interact with the world, congealing around our imperfections, creating impedances which further morph the flow of the truth.

I write to see my own imperfections. I analyse the stresses in my mind and trace them to their roots. Wherever possible, I untangle them. When the mind is quiet, only truth can emerge. This truth is to be savoured, refined and assimilated into the system. When that happens, we call it a moment of insight, an epiphany.

It's such a miracle; I started with a blank page. I had a thought and I wrote it down: I have an hour to write something today. An hour has now passed. That one thought had spawned off a series of neuronal firings, resulting in more thoughts, in physical movements of my fingers and voila, I have a blog article. And who knows, it'll probably trigger thoughts (which it already does, because you've come this far) and set things into motion in your universe. Have I made a difference?

The Curse of Cults

It's mid-afternoon already on a Sunday, when everyone is having this sinking feeling that the weekend is coming to an end already, and soon we'd be back in our daily grind. I'd wanted to blog yesterday but some family chores swallowed up all my time. 

Today, I managed to steal sometime to come here to Cyberjaya to check on my apartment. The sky is dark and cloudy outside as I type these words. I'm not going to linger here long, but hopefully long enough for me to finish writing this blog post, which is going to touch on the topic of...religion (again!).

I reread one of the many articles I've written on this subject, one entitled The Fire of Religion and find myself nodding in agreement with what I wrote in 2019. Do I have anything new to add? Probably not. But since this is my own blog, I make all editorial decisions and religion it is!

Religion is sensitive because it is something a believer holds deeply in the heart, it is its refuge in times of difficulty and it promises salvation in a life which could prove difficult and challenging, not to mention the truth about our mortality, which confronts every one of us. If we ridicule someone's belief, people feel it like a gut punch--being hit at one's most vulnerable spot. 

Religion is couched in rituals and doctrines because these are great intuition pumps (to borrow Daniel Dennett's term). We need drama and stories to induce a particular state of mind in an individual and also a community. I admire religion for its ability to bind communities together and make them embrace a larger purpose. When we have this going as part of human civilisation, we call it culture; when it is systematised and enhanced with a dose of metaphysics, it becomes religion. But when religion is taken more seriously than it should be, we veer into the region of cultism.

There's a certain allure in being a member of a cult, that sense of belonging to a higher cause. And the follower feels 'fortunate' that he or she has been accepted into this 'privileged' group. They feel protected and blessed under the embrace of a cult leader who is charismatic and seemingly wiser than everyone else. Whatever the leader says is taken to be the undisputable truth.  

Cultism is like mob behaviour.  The mob doesn't think--it only acts, sometimes violently, when stirred into a frenzy. When you surround yourself with people who are fanatical about some cause, it is easy to be caught up in the excitement and romance of it all.  Sports fans supporting their favourite team are like that too. As loyal supporters of football clubs like Liverpool or Manchester United, we willingly submit ourselves to a cult, all in the name of good fun. Hopefully that's as far as it'll go.

The Communist parties in every country during and after the WWII were also religious cults. They all had charismatic leaders and members who blindly follow the doctrines of the cult to disastrous consequences. Cults like to think that they are saving themselves and the world from an impending doom. It is us against the ignorant masses and we are privileged enough to see the light. Workers of the world unite!

Cults, led by these self-styled saviour-leaders,  are driven by visions utopia--The Rapture, a Classless Society, the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth! It plays on our sense of drama and our love for epic myths. As I've said before, only stories can stir us because our brains are wired that way. Our susceptibility to cults is something that we have to be wary of. It is simply religion veering woefully off-course. 

The Cosmic Dance

I spent Saturday catching up with an old friend over some beers. It's been a while since I've had the chance to meet up with my old buddies. My only free time these days is Saturday, when I take a brief break from family duties. 

I'm still trying to adjust to my new 5am routine. My sleeping hours have been greatly reduced and I have not been able to adhere to my plan to go to bed earlier. But I'm getting there and I'm eager to keep this routine going. I love the early hours of dawn when I can get a head start to the day ahead.

Human lifespan is but a brief insignificant moment in the history of earth. We've come to believe that we are 'important' and we should leave a legacy behind. There are great names in history, people with deeds--good and bad--who are remembered and talked about for ages. We can only view life, most of the time from a very narrow perspective; so we think we should maximise the opportunity given to us in this life. 

And even that is not sufficient for some, so we try to prepare for our afterlife.  Even though there may be such a thing as life after death, we need to question ourselves about our conception of life.

Why do we think what we experience through our five senses, constitutes life? When we imagine life after death, we see it as a continuation of this life that we know, without the encumbrances. Perhaps a life of pure unbridled happiness, without pain. 

As I've written in another blog post before, this is a failure of imagination.  If we want to talk about life, the entire cosmos is alive. Why can't we live the life of the cosmos? The reason why we are not able to do so is because we are tied up with our small mortal concerns of this very limited life--feeding ourselves,  procreating and making ourselves look good in the eyes of others.  It is the only life we know but if we know better, we would want to see life beyond this limited perspective. Is this possible? 

If we could see beyond limited vision our lives, we would effectively be enlightened beings, with cosmic consciousness. Our deaths would like the deaths of skin cells, a natural process of life, which consists of lives within lives within lives ad infinitum.

It's probably too much for most of us, to have such a cosmic vision of life. But we don't need to. We just need to know that we are part of this larger architecture of things and then we continue doing what we normally do: feeding, procreating, laughing and crying. But once we've caught a glimpse of this cosmic vision, every ordinary activity of ours would be infused with joy, for the dance is only possible when there are dancers.  We dance this cosmic dance by living our ordinary lives--feeding, procreating, laughing and crying.

Finding Pleasure in Boredom

It's been a while since I blogged from a cafe in a mall. Today, I decided not to spend time in my library but loiter at my neighbourhood mall instead. Here I am typing these lines, feeling relaxed and surprisingly fresh, despite having less than 5 hours sleep everyday for the past weeks.

I'm behind in many of my regular activities like reading, even though I still read daily, the volume is less. I haven't been watching any TV series, limiting myself to short video clips from Youtube.     

My audiobook listening time has increased though, because I walk every morning in the park, enjoying the crisp morning air and the dewy freshness of grass on the ground.  I'm happy that there's enough content on my phone to last me for years. I also have sufficient interests in different subjects to pursue, which hopefully I would not lose enthusiasm for.

Boredom has never been my problem because I find almost everything interesting. Every subject is a rabbit hole which I could spend an entire lifetime exploring.  This non-discerning taste in reading also extends to my choice of food. This makes mealtime very easy wherever I am in the world. As long as I'm sufficiently hungry, all food tastes great.

Often I choose a place to eat, not because of its food but because it is conducive for reading.  Meal-times are the best time to read, if you happen to be eating alone. The mind needs feeding as much as the stomach and it's a joy to be able to feed both at the same time. 

Malaysians general take a lot of pride in their local cuisine. I enjoy them greatly but I don't crave for them. Food is great but it is not the greatest pleasure in life. I take greater pleasure in not being attached to pleasure.  Enjoy all sensory delights when they present themselves but do not cling to them. Let them go, so that they may come back again, with equal delight. That has always been my attitude towards the pleasures of the senses.

Pleasures of the mind and body can be addictive. Always receive them with a sense of gratitude. When they are bestowed upon us, treat them as a bonus but when they are absent, it is not such a big deal. A mind deprived of pleasurable content inevitably feels bored. I've often wondered how I would cope, if say, I were to be put in solitary confinement without any reading materials.  Perhaps if such an 'opportunity' arises, I could treat it as a meditation retreat. 

Meditation can be interesting if you are curious about the works of the mind. Thoughts will always arise spontaneously. It's like going sight-seeing. You just wait and some content would show up and you observe and say to yourself: interesting. And then another thought arises. Interesting. One can never feel bored because thoughts keep on arising. Watch the endless parade of thoughts.  If they cease after a while, that's all well and good--you have achieved some level of meditative bliss.

If you watch these self-generated thought content long enough, you'll realise that they are just white noise. The natural pattern recognition mechanism of the mind sees shapes and events and associations, resulting in thoughts, which then trigger emotional responses in the body. 

The next time that you are bored,  look at it as a blessing in disguise. Boredom could be the key to the secrets of your mind. Observe the spontaneous content that arises. You'll learn a lot about yourself.

The Theatre of the Mind

Today is my day to recharge myself. It has been a very tiring week, juggling various tasks, personal and professional. But I'm grateful for the opportunity to be able to do so. 

I know it is difficult to make yourself feel 'grateful' when you are hit with very stressful situations that challenge you mentally and physically. Over the years, I've learned the art of defusing stress by looking at the larger picture: no situation is as acute as it feels to be. In the larger scheme of things they are likely to be insignificant and even petty.

People who are perfectionists are naturally more susceptible to stress because they see flaws in every tiny detail; they always see potential difficulties and attempt to prevent them now.  They are seen as good workers because of that but they often end up being assigned with too much work, because the boss thinks they are reliable.

I always feel that meditation is a good therapy for people who are stressed. When one meditates, one introspects one's own thoughts. You see thoughts as arising in the space of the mind and not as how you are feeling now. If you observe carefully, a feeling is nothing but a certain on-rush of chemicals in the body which induce changes to blood pressure and heart rate. That's all you are experiencing. The rest is just drama.

Firstly, every drama in your head consists of atomic thoughts. Every thought has a beginning, middle and end. More often than not you only become aware of a thought when it is already in its middle peak state. And then you dwell upon it, fuelling it further, causing it to spawn even more thoughts and emotions (which are bodily reactions to thoughts).  A stressed mind is one where there's such a cascade of thoughts, overwhelming the body and mind.

When you learn to meditate, you see these stages of a thought more clearly and are able to detect the arising of one. And when one does arise, you do not suppress it, you simply allow it fade away naturally. 

You see, thoughts only grow to fruition when you cling to them. If you simply notice a thought and treat it as not having any further importance, it fades away quickly. Thoughts are full of themselves; they think they are important. Ignore them and they'll leave the stage, as if embarrassed. After a while, every thought will only take a small peek into your mind and leave as if they know that they are not getting any attention. That's how you empty your minds of unnecessary thoughts.

You often can't control which thoughts show up in your mind. They enter the stage, craving for attention. But you are the manager of this theatre of the mind. You determine where to shine the spotlight. There's always an object of meditation--the breath, bodily sensations, an image of a deity or a mantra. Just shine it there and the rest will take care of itself.

Musings of a Malaysian

It has been a while since I've been able to do my pot-of-Earl-Grey routine here in my apartment. But here I am finally, perched in my study loft, overlooking the viridian foliage outside my window, enjoying pleasant sips of hot tea, unwinding with the gentle sound of a Mozart sonata playing on my stereo. This is my spiritual sanctuary, my retreat from the world, my mental pit-stop.

It's Malaysia's Independence Day today. Let me spend some time reflecting on my thoughts as a citizen of Malaysia. I think I've written somewhere in this blog before that Malaysia can be viewed as either a half-empty or half-full cup. If you read social media and listen to political pundits, there are many who think that even characterising Malaysia as a half-full cup is actually being generous, for whatever little that remains is already draining away at an alarming rate.

I used to be quite a patriotic lad, taking a lot of pride in being Malaysian. Don't get me wrong, I still do. I would always call myself a Malaysian first, Chinese--a very distant second. But as I grow older, such nationalistic and ethnic identification becomes less meaningful, if not counter-productive.

In today's global world,  our country of birth and skin colour are but incidental details. We are all, as Carl Sagan puts it so eloquently, "Citizens of the Cosmos". That's how I've always seen myself. 

If I have any identity at all, perhaps it is to carbon-based living beings which had arisen by accident and evolved to who we are today. I belong to that lineage of intelligent apes who could foresee the inevitability of death and spend our time devising endless ways to postpone it. 

At the same time, our complete dominance over other living beings and our exploitation of planetary resources have also put our existence on this planet in peril due to the destruction of our environment which we are a part of.

My concerns are global, even cosmic, rather than nationalistic. Though I want Malaysia to exist for as long as possible, the boundaries of nations are becoming less important. Sadly, I think Malaysia does not represent the best of ethnic and religious diversity, even though we started with all these advantages. Unfortunately we had carelessly allowed that to erode away.

A modern nation today is becoming more like a football club. Talents are recruited globally to build the best team, irrespective of background and skin colour. With our diversity we actually had a head-start and If we had exploited our advantage and built upon it, we could have had the best team in the world.

I'm still a proud Malaysian because I have no other identity; but at the same time I'm also questioning the value of having an identity. Identity is important only as a kind of bonding mechanism--just like how being a Liverpool supporter immediately puts me in kinship with all the fanatical Reds in the world, celebrating every win together, as if we ourselves had a personal hand it its success.

As a Malaysian voter and tax-payer, my existence as a citizen does play a part in the direction and future of the nation. As they like to say, think globally but act locally. But at the same time, as a student of history and human consciousness, I've come to accept the inevitability of change and the ephemeral nature of any human construct. A nation is an artificial construct. It too will disintegrate one day, even one as mighty as the Roman empire, as we have seen.

The Malaysian experience is like the pain and joy of youth. It's a beautiful thing. Let's celebrate and make the best of it. We all suffer the pangs of growing up and have our regrets. but with some luck, we get through this phase unscathed.